When one is going through a divorce, you believe that this is as bad as it’s ever going to get. You hope that if you can just get through this, then all will be right again in your world. I told myself this. Everyday. I have written about it. My advice is sound and my thought processes good.

But how do we get to that magical land? Dorothy was given all the answers, as long as she followed a pre-determined path. There’s no yellow brick road for us to simply skip along. Life doesn’t make it that easy for us. We have to build it for ourselves, laying down choice by choice. We will have hills and valleys, forks and curves, but we do all the heavy lifting.

The early days of divorce and separation are the darkest. Like Dorothy, we’ve been knocked down hard and when we get up, we see the world through an unfamiliar lens. Things are strange and while we’re not really in a different land of technicolor, everything around us seems to have changed somehow.

We take and meet friends and supporters along the way. Instead of inspiring our friends to be a better version of themselves, their role is to sometimes walk beside us. We go through times when we feel like the scarecrow… no brain. “I would not be just a muffin’, my head all full of stuffin’, my heart all full of pain…”

During these early days, I was envious of the Tin Man. How much easier the divorce process would have been if I didn’t have a heart. The absence of emotion would on days, have been a blessing but alas, in order to get to our Emerald City, we need to mend our broken heart.

As for courage, well, I could certainly relate to the Lion. Sometimes you need to be infused with super human amounts of courage just to get through your day, to face people, to be strong for your kids. It’s nearly impossible to put on a brave face when we feel defeated as the Lion, but we do it. We have to and eventually, it becomes easier.

And so, as we continue along our yellow brick road, also known as our journey of self discovery, our self-esteem returns with more power than we ever could have imagined. Our heart mends, our courage is rehabilitated and strengthened, and we reach our very own Emerald City.

While Dorothy was motivated by her need to get home and restore life as usual, ours is to get to a happy place and create our new normal. This is our Emerald City. When you get to your version of Emerald City, I can’t promise that it’l be what you expect, but here’s what I can assure you; You will meet colourful characters. You will laugh and be open to new things. There’s no Wizard awaiting our arrival. We are our own Wizards as long as we allow ourselves to have faith in our yellow brick road.

 

Heather Feldstein

Heather is the single mother of 2 kids. Prior to her writing on the topic of divorce, Heather founded and managed WordsByMom.com, a showcase of children’s book reviews. Heather’s work received much media attention and she was featured on many Canadian and American television shows including Canada AM, The Marilyn Denis Show and Breakfast Television. Heather was also featured on many radio shows throughout North America and her writing has been published in many newspapers and magazines.

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