I can see

I can touch

I can feel

I can breathe

I can love again

These can all seem like new experiences when the healing from a broken relationship starts, or to reframe that, you start doing it all differently. It is important to be true to yourself as you start life anew, walk through life as you and make no excuses for who you truly are. Once you lose everything, there is nothing left to fear, as there is nothing left to lose which can be the best time to truly find “you”.

It wasn’t that long ago when it was challenging to breathe, when my world was closing in on me, when my life was spinning out of control, probably similar to how you are feeling now.

That’s what happens when a relationship ends, you have to learn how to let go of all the pain, the hurt and the hate. You have to learn how to let go of the conflict and the need to be right, the need to “get what you deserve” in order to get to a place where you can find peace. You have to learn how to heal in order to find yourself again. Not the hurt self that stands with you today locked in battle, but the self that you really want to be, the self that you always imagined yourself to be. The self that has gotten lost in others. The self that could not be found…until now.

It is easy to stay locked in a world that is spinning round and round. To become overwhelmed by the crumbling of the life that you once knew where the lines between love and hate become blurred as you struggle to understand the who’s, the how’s, the when’s, the why’s. Those inevitable questions “Who am I?” “How did I get here?” “When did it all go wrong?” “Why is this happening to me?”

As you struggle to find the answers to these questions, the war rages on and you find yourself blaming everyone and everything around you. But that is your choice. Yes, you heard me correctly, even though you feel as if there are no choices, and you are stuck on that tidal wave which will drop you where it wants you to be, it is time that you realize that there are plenty of choices. They may be small to start such as making the choice to get out of bed in the morning or have a healthy breakfast or take that morning run. The choice that begs the question, do I want to be angry or do I want to find happiness? There will however be no choice greater than the one that asks “who do I want to be and how do I want to show up in this world?”

Yes, that is your choice to make. You do not have to let the embittered battle take over your life. You can allow this changing course in your life to move you to a more positive space, and you can take a step back from the pain of broken promises and fallen dreams and ask yourself “who do I want to be and how do I want to show up in this world?” Now is the time to re-find yourself in a way that is whole and complete, that brings you to a place of peace where you can find happiness and strength and create the life you never thought could exist.

Take this painful, dark, horrible, confusing time and decide to be all that you can be. It’s time to learn how to live the life you have always dreamed of.

Jessica Ehrenworth, M.A. is a counsellor/consultant, empowering you to co-parent peacefully, reduce conflict, heal and learn to love again.

You can find her at www.jessicaehrenworth.com or join her in the supportive facebook community www.facebook.com/groups/parentingthroughdivorce or on twitter at www.twitter.com/jlehrenworth

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