Before I married my husband, we had the most incredible 2-year romance. I was instantly attracted to him after our first date; he was the kind of guy I always dreamt of marrying. He was charismatic, powerful and financially successful. I was drawn to his passion for life, his winning smile and his magnetic personality. When he walked into a party or a restaurant or any room – everyone knew he was there.
Back then, I was the only person he had eyes for. That was another reason he was so attractive to me. He really worked hard to make sure that I feel in love and in admiration of him. Obviously I couldn’t resist when he asked me to marry me. I felt so privileged and lucky that he chose me.
A year into our marriage, once the hype and newness wore off, I started to see another side to my prince. I convinced myself he was under pressure at work, or whatever excuse I used for the day. And then I got pregnant, too busy to take note of all the obnoxious traits that were unraveling. We were both short sleep and busy with a newborn.
After the birth of our daughter, I started to realize how controlling, manipulative and self-important my husband was. Our marriage was crumbling. He no longer needed to impress me, and stopped the act. He blamed our marital problems on me; he didn’t have the problem, I did as I stopped recognizing how great he was. I was married to a Narcissist and I wanted out!
Divorce is complicated and difficult for anyone. But let me tell you divorcing a narcissist was a nightmare. My ex was not amicable – this was a competition to him and he was going to win at all cost. He refused to cooperate with lawyers, refused to provide financial statements and documents, refused to negotiate, mediate, arbitrate, or any other term I learnt along this path.
Throughout this process, he became verbally abusive to me, the lawyers and anyone who stood in his way. Surprisingly he believed that he was the one who was wronged with no attachment to his destructive behaviour throughout our marriage.
My words of wisdom to those contemplating a divorce from a narcissistic husband are there are 3 things I wish I would have had in place to prepare before starting the process.
- Make sure you have money to fund the battle
- Hire a Financial Advisor different than your husbands and get all your financial documents together and make copies before your husband tries to hide everything
- Hire an Experienced and Trusted Divorce Lawyer
After years of battling, I wanted to share my experience in divorcing a narcissist. My divorce is now finalized and my settlement is fair. It was one of the the most difficult things I have ever had to do.. But if you plan ahead and get the proper help when/where you need it, you will succeed and live a happier and healthier life as a result.
Best of Luck!