I am a newly divorced single woman over 50. The details of my divorce aren’t really important. We got married, we had kids, we grew apart. We have been divorced for 2 years and although it saddens me that my family has been broken apart, I am happy that my ex and I have have managed to be civil enough to make it okay for the kids.
What I find most interesting at this point is the whole dating scene. There is such a difference between what is available for men and woman. Here is what I have found:
For single men the options are plentiful. We have all heard about how easy it is for a man to start dating in his fifties and how there are plenty of women to choose from.
And there is. …
It seems that the breakdown of available women fall into the following categories:
1. Early 30’s and never been married – these women must have “daddy issues”. Their desire to be with men 15-20 years their senior means they are looking for someone to take care of them both financially and personally. Be cautious men, these women are looking for you to do it all over again and that means house and children. Sure it will start with great sex and they will make you feel “alive” and young but proceed with caution. When they tell you that they don’t want these things they are lying!
2. Early 40’s with small children – although these women are closer to your age (not really) they are at a completely different stage. They are raising small kids and are looking for someone to be a partner. Yes they do want you to help raise their kids and do it all over again. They may say they don’t but they too are lying. If you have money, well that just makes you more attractive.
3. Women in their 50’s – these women are your age and there are many available in this group. (yes I do fall into this category) Chances are good that these women have older kids who are well on their way and don’t really want your input on their children. They know who they are and why their marriage failed and are looking for pure companionship. They probably won’t be in “awe” of you and hang on your every word. They won’t be interested in pumping your ego or making you feel young. Rather they will be someone who will have realistic expectations of you and be accepting of who you are at this time of your life. They will want to grow old with you and have an age appropriate relationship with you.
From my experience there are few men who are looking to date their contemporaries. The thrill and excitement of a younger woman is so compelling. Those rare gems who value women with age and experience are just that – rare!
So I will wait and not settle. I am confident that my soul mate is out there. Someone who will appreciate what my age and wisdom brings to the partnership. I am happier than I have ever been and what I truly have learned is that I don’t need a man to make me complete.
I highly recommend you read the book “Secrets of Dating After 50” It really helped me! I also used a few products to help soothe and relax me while going through my Divorce. I purchased this incredible Satin Pillowcase It sounds ridiculous but there is something so luxurious about sleeping on Satin and it really reduces the wrinkles on your face! I also loaded up on eucalyptus & Spearmint Epsom bath salts. I found taking a bath in these salts to be soothing and really helped me relax and I also use this candle to help me create the mood. It is amazing what happens when you let yourself relax and do little things to help you feel like you again.
Linda, 53
For all Divorce Support Visit: Divorce Angels
kitty
Feeling good about yourself is really the most important thing, because you are probably going to be alone if you find yourself alone at 50. The stats are frightening – 12% of single women 50-60 find sexual partners – it goes down to 4% at 60. We can all be positive and optimistic , but psychologists suggest practicing alternative forms of sexuality and some openly advocate partner sharing.
Finding a non-sexual partner seems to be less of a problem, a lot of nice men suffer from erectile dis-function and might welcome an older partner.
The most important ties to make after 50 if you are alone, are meaningful friendships. These need to be nurtured because chances are there will not be a partner to usher you into old age, and community is probably the most important aspect of successful aging.
0rion
Thanks for posting, Kitty! Can you tell me where these stats are from? -Patrick
BillyG
seeking a man around your age with fully functioning physical & mental faculties not asking for too much, 50s yo woman wants 100% sex with guys will have to seek a younger guy who may pump & dump with better than even odds
Anonymous
Brian
Chaz
I am a bi sexuel male looking for a man to love and respect he can’t be married well unless u r hot no really I’m looking for love respect and someone to build a life with I love hot young men in there 20s or 30s who like men in there 50s but feel like I’m still in my 30s I have so much love and respect for someone the right one to give if someone wants it k
Rockie
I’m looking for a woman from the age between 40 to45 years of age that still has spunk about herself and still likes to have fun with a man she can trust and have fun with and be loving and caring for us both and most of all be real give me that and we can talk.
Mae West
Billy G is correct. I am 62 and i hooked up with an old man friend from the past who is 64 after a few get together s i was curious to see what this old stallion was about at this age AND what a shocker he had a major erectile dysfunction that is not only embarrassing for him but for me as well. So when women over 60 wonder why its hard to find a man THEY are at a bar drinking. Most men are not interested in seeing a Doctor to get that fixed. Viagra can be around $75.00 a pill. I told my man friend to do that and he looked at me like i insulted him. Dude get that fixed if you want to have fun !! Then you get the men who are in denial with their soft performing noodle. If a man over 60 is not going to perform with a good hard on dont bother ! SO the really good looking older men 50 and over with money will pay for Viagra to get a hard manhood and may seek younger women, I am attractive at 62, i like to dress colorful, i color my hair i never had kids and have been single most of my life and i love that independence. I love my own company and I love to have fun. I still listen to Led Zeppelin and Steely Dan. I am a loner because most of my friends are acting like Grandmas now and i dont have anything in common with them so i have fun traveling alone and meeting people. I go to Vegas alone 4 times a year and have a blast !! Someday i might hook up with a man who is like me and we can grow older together but i dont wish it or look for it life is too short wasting on the next man LOL LOL.
Sandra
Boy you described me. I’ve been dating but because I’m not interested in pump and dump as they call it, its not. Een easy. And im pretty with long blonde hair . I did find a guy this year. He knew I have a high sex drive. Said he wanted to be friends first and I bought it. Bottom line he is 58 and so broken Viagra won t work only surgery or a pump. He hide this and his tiny tiny tiny penis from me knowing all the while his secret and leading me on telling me about the great sex life we were going to have. Now I’m dating someone on Our third date he wanted to go to a private hot tub place. I feel like goldilocks. Where is the happy medium lol. I live in Tigard Oregon. Help
Bryan
You had me at Led Zeppelin and Steely Dan:). Where have you been all my life?
David Dods
It is women like you that make men 50+ shy away from women if their age. You made it very very clear that if a man cannot get hard then he should bother … so if it does work then why would he not go for a much younger, sexier women!?!? that is just common sense. Aslo, I have often wondered this, why do many women 51+ date when they have no interest at all in sex … now that is deception!!
Harrison
Lots of interesting responses. I am 58 years old and think that the reason many men seek younger woman is that the perception is that as woman get older they have less interest in sex. For us older men who still have a strong sex drive and good functioning equipment that can be frustrating. Woman need emotional connection to stay connected. Men need sexual attention to complete the connection.
It sounds like several of the ladies on this site have had underperforming men. Just remember Not all older men have this problem. At 58 I go to the gym three days a week , kayak, ski, bike,hike, eat healthy and take care of myself. I am not taking any medications. I have no problem pleasing woman sexually and can’t wait to retire to spend time engaging in the things I love.
David
Wow! I am 58 and very horny all the time but not always does it get or stay hard … after 40 ED will periodically happen and older you get the more often … women have the great advantage in that dept as you do not have to be concerned that all will work … your not being very fair. Cancer, MS or other can happen to anyone (incl. you) but your not very understanding. Finally , if can get hard, good looking, fit , money any 58 man can get a 42 year old women why would they be interested in you and then being emasculated. no thanks.
Rick
I would love to talk to you
Scott
are you still available? you sound amazing
Pam Sanders
Love your post Mae West, love your zest for life. Keep enjoying yourself honey, life is short xxxxx
Mary
I’m 40, single and childless. Some of my friends started to be grandma, which is nice but we don’t connect as much.I started to get on dating site and most people who contact me are much older than I am, some are my dad’s age. When I was a kid, my goal in life was to be a strong, independant woman and I half achieve that (I still can’t travel alone, security reason) but you, the way you describe yourself, you are EXACTLY who I wanted to be. Thank you for being yourself and giving hope for the rest if us, who are willing to stay themselves despite everything else. Do you teach classes on how to age with dignity? I’d enroll.
HappyLate
And with that attitude you will probably remain single. You remind me of women with fake hair, fake boobs, fake teeth, and fake rear end, but they want a “real man.”
Anonymous
Ur not serious bc a man’s mouth works just as well ….
Wayne
Julie, it doesn’t say where you are from , I am 57 fit , employed, financially secure, Male, I too am baffled by this inability to find love later in life, not sure if this reply comes to you but I’ll post it anyway
Anonymous
Nasty
LDT
I find it easy to get men’s attention on line but difficult to keep them focused on getting to know me because of the whole pandemic and other distractions of looking for the next best thing. Seems most men aren’t that interested in a one in one commitment that’s days atleast those in their 50s and 60s. Frustrating for me who prefers to be perused but I found by waiting for that they meet someone else. Is it all about sleeping with men sooner to keep their interest and evolve into something? Would love to hear a guys opinion.
Brian
I am male and dating In my 5os (54) have no sexual dysfunction and am as my female friends say a good catch . But even though I am trying to date may own age group they all seem to be very intent on having a man who doesnt need sex . One of my women friends told me they need a connection. after 5 dates and 300 questions, all boxes ticked she still didnt have a connection…….. I wonder why . I think the key is that in our 50s we are very stuck in our ways so it’s hard to let someone in . My last relationship was with someone for 17 years who died after a terminal illness . She was 8 years older than me . We had an LAT relationship and it worked very well . Fantastic sex and we never argued . It seems that this is still the way forward for me.
Leigh in FL
I’m in my early 50s, I’m a cute size 14 redhead, divorced after a 37 yr relationship. I’m not looking for someone to take care of me.
I want to spend time with a companion, having fun and enjoying ourselves. Sex is great but it’s not everything. Laughter, loyalty and honesty are a must!
I’m not interested in one night stands but not looking at every date as a potential husband either.
Where do I go to meet people? Is everything online now?
Harriett Bean
David Dods is nasty. If he is looking for a woman for sex, he needs to specify in his profile, so the requirement is made clear. Don’t forget to mention what he has to offer that females may appreciate much more, such as good conversation, company for travel and sports, family visits and relationships and above all, loyalty and care. I don’t understand why so many older men divorce their wives and expect to be in demand as a sexual partner. Er….why? Why don’t they work on their social and partner skills and stop being obsessed with one bodily function?
Men may not be able to function, and women may not want to function. So if personality is not the main thing in a relationship, the conversation needs to be had, before deciding how the relationship should develop. First, try spending time as companions, go to different situations together and see how compatible you are in that way.
I don’t understand what the man meant who said if it doesn’t function, women should not be unfair about it. What does it mean? If it functions or doesn’t function, it’s a fact, not fair or unfair. What do the men with soft members expect the women to do about it? Apparently they still feel horny, so why are they not doing something about it? Why are the women to blame?
The should take responsibility and stay alone if not able to satisfy. There is such a thing as professional sex workers and [morally much better] ‘self-service’, which men seem to scoff at. For many women, it’s more satisfying to serve themselves alone, than to participate with a man where sex is concerned. They still remain with a man in a relationship and try to please him and hope for mutual companionship, emotional and practical support.
The age thing is similar for women. i.e. men apparently think that if their member does function, they should find a younger woman, either because they are more exciting to be with, or more likely to be interested in sex and not emasculating. In the UK, men of all ages offer serial sexual liaisons, no emotional connection or support. Some say they [also] want someone for holidays and trips.
‘Friendship’ means casual sex without emotional involvement, not real friendship at all.
These priorities are the wrong way around. There is supposed to be compatibility of personality and communication, lifestyle and interests, not to pass an audition for pornographic performance, then possibly if good enough, it might win a ‘friends with benefits’ arrangement. What a prize.
So, as contemporary men are not offering a proper loyal partnership and companionship; it means that older women who are interested in a sexual liaison would also choose younger men. They would not choose an older man for physical attraction nor for sexual performance, nor for respect.
Don
Hello
John1967
Well I am 53 Male with no ED issues. I work out regularly and one question I get asked is my age. I do not post a lot of pictures of me but I do have an 8 pack, veins exposed everywhere and shredded. I would really like to meet someone again but my problem has nothing to do with sex or companionship but more so how I was left in the aftermath of my padt.. Got married at 22 had accumulated properties and businesses only to loose it all during a divorce in 2008 no less. Jumped into a LTR for 10 years and lost again. Now being so cautious and not having much to bring to the table keeps me out of the dating scene. Basically I have been financially devastated and this Covid didn’t help much So my question is would men look down on a situation as mine.
Karen
Hello John – your story really hit home. If you want to chat, I’m here.
Barb
Pump and Dump. Disgusting phrase. Now I know why I am single. You sound like a real catch
Taxmeless
This is my perspective. I am now 56. Been dating for 15 years since my divorce. I have had around 6 relationships since divorce. With the exception of one woman that was close to my She, all of them are younger then me by anywhere from 8 to 25 years. Trust me as I reach my late 50’s I know I was seeking the wrong thing’s. Arm candy and dependency. Had I had the chance to do it all again… I would of followed a different path. As I write this I have a 25 year old model in my bed wondering how to get her out nicely. It’s lonely and lacking purpose. As I get really old I wonder what I am doing. I feel almost embarrassed by my choices in life.
Peter Avalon
Good on you I am 60 and been dating women late 20s to early 30’s !
Being fit, good looking and MOST IMPORTANT…
Being a multi millionaire seems to really help !
aha
I’m often wondering HOW those older dudes getting dates with younger women..? Now, I don’t have to look far away – they are 10000% times MORE persistent then a younger counterparts… If I EVER reply (simple ‘wave’ or ‘hi’!) on FB to older dude, is million percent they will bother me again and again, no shame, no excuse will turn them down to ask me out, drink, dinner etc, till I Block them!
ParaPixie
Being a Douchebag hasn’t bothered you, huh?
I see you dying alone and sad.
But hey, look on the bright side – an SD will probably kill you before old age does.
RobertGraves
I don’t know if Peter is serious or not, but he is correct. I’m 55, super fit and good looking and I have no problem meeting and dating much younger women. I’m not a multi millionaire , but i have met extremely nice, educated, stable young women who want to have a real relationship and age is not problem. I just truly believe that sex is what bonds two people together and differentiates between a friendship and a real marriage. Its just a fact that women over 50 are not that interested in sex, as a rule.
Honestly people, go to gym, workout. Lose that 90 lbs you think is is only 15lbs and you will see that people instantly go out with you.Its just how we animals are……
Stop deluding yourself and complaing and do the hard work in life to make yourself attractive and happy person.
Lynsumae
Does it not bother you that they are really only interested in your money?
rocket
Peter, So you have an “arrangement”. If you lose your money these girls will disappear. If they “gain” weight you will dump them.
Martha
👍
Been around the block a few times - can't fool me
If that’s what it’s all about being a braggart about how much money you have, and that’s what the ladies are looking for – sounds like it’s a whambamthankyouMaam and what have you done for me lately?!
Let me just say ladies, you hook with this sort of this – There Ain’t NO free lunches – you deserve every dime you get!
XXX
Your 60 and proud of dating women in their 20’s. Something must be wrong with you.
Dar
Must be ruff , my advice is , do some soul searching, WAy out your choices with realistic consequences, and remember beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, Looks come and go but a true heart and acceptance of ones flaws can help you connect and actually fall deeply in love to the point where the lines and wrinkles are traces of natural beauty and it won’t matter when you open your heart and soul to someone you truly fall in love with. Life is short, give it a try, good luck 😊
Lynsumae
Very good advice
Yupperz
“Weigh” (out your choices) But, yes sage advice!
Cinderella
You are absolutely right. It’s more important to have a beautiful mind.cke
Tamtam
👍
HappyLate
Truth you speak. Looks fade away but a good woman will always be a good woman! I think half the guys come tong here are full of more crap than a week old diaper. With some women it is true, they are all about the money, and some it’s true that are all about Handsome Dan, but I’m here to testify that most would rather have sweet talking Romeo who is faithful and true. I have never made more than 40k/year and have never failed to get the one I set my eyes on . Had a lot of failures as I tended to become, complacent and comfortable in the relationship and forget to continue to do the things I did that won her heart to begin with. It took me a long time and being single for over 13 years with only a small handful of dates in that time, to figure that out. I had all but given up when I met my wife in Nov. 2013 via an internet meeting site (no not a sex one) I saw that she enjoyed Karoake and the first words I ever said/messaged her was, “sooo, what do you like to song.” Long story how it happened but we were married in March 2014.. I was 45 amd she was 51. We have had some problems naturally and that lends credence to the “set in our ways” issue, qnd even were separated for ovwr a year. Many issues lead to that, most notably the loss of my oldest son and I had anger issues in dealing with that. I couldn’t tell at him about what he did and took it out on those close to me. God love her she put up with my BS as long as she could, over 18 months before she walked. I am so thankful that she did not date during that time even though she had literally yelled at me she wanted a divorce at one point but she never did file and I dang sure wasn’t going to. I guess God knows what He is doing after all as I was able to use that time to be alone and spent many hours reflecting on the literal hell I out her through both verbally and emotionally and during that time was able to accept my sons passing and deal with it in a more constructive manner. We got back together in Dec of 2017 and remain so. We still have our quarrels and accuse each other of not listening but in the end this far we have worked it out!
Theresa
As we age wisdom appears. The world we live in is constantly advertising what makes people happy and successful. It took me a very long time to stop listening to what the outside world was saying that creates happiness and listen to my heart.
While going through my divorce I did not date, instead I used this time to get to know me again , my likes and needs.
I am truly happy where I am with my life and if I find someone they will just add to my happiness.
David
Hi how are you doing today
sahale
I feel this is a good post and it can serve as advice to many people out there going through rough situations. I picked some good facts from this post even though my situation is way opposite but there is something similar which is rediscovering ones self. Its important and has to happen.
Wayne
I applaud you for this wisdom , all you see on TV is beautiful people, perfect white teeth and money makes people from close family into complete lunatics when it comes to inheritance, I am a 57 year old Male that was badly treated by my wife over the course of many years, I stayed because I couldn’t think of not being with my children every single day , I am now single and looking for that special woman
Karen
Hey Wayne.. sorry to hear that.
sahale
Thats the main problem, we men get tired with the beauty and stuff that comes with younger ladies. There will be time all you will require is a real connection and ability to work on a certain matured level of thinking and so on. when the glam fades away and real thing expected to set in and it doesnt, it becomes more lonely than ever. Seriously I have never tried dating a younger person, never seen it as an option. I’d rather staying searching than that
Life tbl
I do a meetup group and because of the type of meetup I do it tends to attract younger adults than myself. Some people are my age but they don’t tend to be the regulars. From what I have found with the men in my group 40 and below is they really just want to have a conversation where there is no drama and judging. It is hard for men to be themselves I think because a few women in their past who must have raked them over the coals for something they did or said. Now the dynamics of how they would interact with a woman their own age versus myself is different because the dating/sexual part isn’t part of the picture. I have been in situations where I could see the line blurring but that is where it stopped.
TooLip
The dilemma I am facing is I have met a nice gentleman who is 10 years my senior. He is retired, I am not. I have at least another 10 years to work which would put me at 67 before I retire. I have always pictured myself after retirement travelling around the country with my trailer for a month or two at a time. That would put this nice man at aged 77. I don’t want to sound cold hearted but I think our age difference at that time will seem even farther apart.I really do not want to spend my retirement possibly nursing someone or leaving them behind because they cannot keep up. I think he wants more than just friends from our relationship. I’m thinking I should just keep it in the friend zone. I’m just not sure how to tell him why.
On another note I was reading another site that was telling its readers the ideal age difference for when dating. It went like this: Take your age, divide by 2 then add seven. So I did this and came up with 35 years old would be the ideal age of my date. WHAT? I am 57 years old. I then realized I was reading an article geared towards men. Are you freaking kidding me I thought. So that would mean I as a female should be dating someone that is 100 years old according to this article. WOW!
53 years old and honest
I hope you have reconsidered women closer to your age. Women in their 50’s can still be fun and sexy and smart. In fact, probably more so than women in their 20’s 30’s and 40’s if you can get past the aging process that you yourself have been going through. Us women in our 50’s have so much more competition, since women younger than us have been made out to be more desirable. I’m 53 years old and have been with a man the same age and have found out that he has cheated on me numerous times even though he tells me that he has never had better sex with anyone else. I’m very hurt and I guess I’m just venting. I’m told ( often) I’m a very attractive woman and don’t understand why a man has to cheat with a younger woman to stroke his ego. I guess I’m just trying to say, grow up and realize that dating a younger woman isn’t going to make you younger. Fucking a 25 year old is just fucking. She’s never going to love you in 10 years or even 5 years. She’s gonna move on to the next man unless she’s a gold digger and you’re rich!
susan e jassam
53 years old and honest.
Sorry that happened to you. There were so many people i know who ended up getting divorces at your age because of cheating . Mostly the male partner cheated but in some cases it was the woman. I feel like when we reach 50, it is a time for change kind of a shake up time. Time to get rid of friends who do no help us in life. Maybe changing things about ourselves or changing our profession. Some people use this time of upheaval to get better like eating better or getting rid of what is not serving us. Now the other half decide to have a mid life crisis. They try to cling to their youth or they fill like they have missed out on something or they think that their spouse no longer is what they want. What they don’t realize it has less to do with their spouse but the fact they are not happy with themselves. As weird as it sounds, try not to take what your husband did personal. Of course, it is personal but when he did that he was only thinking of himself. It had nothing to do with how pretty you are or how valuable you are but he went his base urges. Now his loss is another man’s gain or you can say him cheating was actually a blessing to you. If he hadn’t cheated or got cheated you would have been stuck with the jerk for another 10 years. My friend’s husband who was my friend too cheated after 30 years. Not a younger woman but in his mind a woman of more status. When she confronted him on the cheating he threw it back on her like you are fat etc. She was 52 at the time. She ended leaving him and really had no shortage of men who came her way. Right after she left him she ended up having a short fling with a 32 year old which started out as a hook up kind of thing but he ended up sort of learning some grown up skills from her. She was really embarrassed about the relationship because of the age difference but I told her know ones cares. She isn’t the only woman who ends up seeing a younger man right after a divorce. It is remarkably common. Most likely you will need a bit of therapy to get over the betrayal and a good divorce support group might help. You might look at a site called Meetup.com. It is not a singles site but an interest meetup site. Everything from knitting to dancing meetups. I joke that you could probably find a meetup on there for tearing paper because there are so many types of meetups and you can even start your own.
Jim
A 50 year old woman can be as sexy as one in their 20’s? No, physical impossibility…….men want youth and beauty. All you old crows made your choices…. live with them.
Anonymous
Jim
You are a nasty person who no woman worth anything would want. Old men who date young girls delude themselves into thinking the girls really want them. They think they look way better than they actually look (almost always), when in fact they are not attractive (sometimes balding, potbellied, and wrinkly). What the want is a daddy figure or money, or maybe a short fling with someone until they find a younger man.
nat
They dont care. They just want to be there for the moment or 3 min.
Dustin
Jim is 100% correct. There is simply no way that a woman in her 50s is as sexy as a woman in her 20s unless the woman in her 50s is very fit, classy, and has good genetics and the woman in her 20s is obese or disfigured in some way.
David
It is a known fact that women over 50 or post-menopause are no longer interested in sex/’lovin’ … whereas us men are wanting til the day we die thus the reason why 50/60 year old men go as young as we can.
Tink
I am an attractive 50+ year old who is an independent, sexy, passionate and confident woman. I work out and eat right. I take care of myself and value health. I deserve passion and adventure! I was married to a younger man. I already have another man wanting a serious relationship with me who is 10 years younger than me. But that scares me since he has a young child. I believe it is the SOUL CONNECTION and commonality between 2 people that make a relationship fulfilling no matter what age you are. Be confident and take charge of your own destiny. Don’t settle for anything less than your very best and the rest will follow.
I am so excited to finally be free! Women and men take care of your body and it will reward you in ways you never imagined. And to thine own self be true!
HappyLate
Amen. I can say honestly that I have never had a problem, well since high school anyway, dating the less, far less, than perfect tens, and I prefer some “meat on the bones” as well. But I was never one to really be shallow. She loves me, she takes care of me as I take care of her, her heart is true and faithful and that is really what is most important. And I have always found a good degree of intelligence to be rather hot bc if looks is all she has to offer, the lust will soon die and you will wake up one day thinking you been eating Ritz crackers to find you just been having plain old saltines. Lol
HappyLate
@Susan. I see it this way, if men would spend more time watering the lawn on their own side of the fence they wouldn’t have time to worry about how green the other side is.
ana
Oh, Taxmeless, help this girl to get her own act together..!!! I have a feeling that many young girls end up in elder man’s bed, because they lack a ‘parent figure’ in their lives! No one is to support, no one is to guide, or even to listen…. I know several examples, where very young women did date older men – at the time it seemed to ‘help’ them in some ways, either monetary / career wise, or helped recover from a previous abusive relationships… In any case, these girls are ‘in need’ and as a ‘fathers ‘figure (any older man, who has some decency ) should feel rather ‘an obligation’ not to use them for sex, but to guide them and realise this situation shouldn’t be about his ‘ego-boost’ – SEE i can still ‘pull off’ a young girl – but see the REAL truth behind this kind of scenario, which is quite a sad one – with wise /understanding eye….that only comes with an age! Men, use it, don’t abuse it, please!!!
Anonymous
Dave
You know I guess I have a different attitude than a lot of older men. We probably all need to feel loved a appreciated by someone whether it is someone our age or someone younger or even older. I can be attracted to someone younger than me or someone close to my age or older if the chemistry is right but I want it to be real not just about sex. I know when I was young the driving factor was someone that appealed to me but might not have been serious about a relationship but I passed through that period and wanted a serious meaningful union. When I got married I didn’t feel I wanted or needed someone else. My wife and I were intimate on a frequent basis and it wasn’t just sex it was a closeness and bonding witch I genuinely cared about. I remember while on a business trip I had a encounter with an attractive woman who wanted to be more than friends. She attempted to kiss me and I said I can’t do this I’m married and she said I am too. I said I don’t think you understand you are a beautify women but wouldn’t want my wife to do this and I can’t do it either. If I was in a marriage without the intimacy and love I had would I have reacted differently, perhaps I don’t know but in that moment 15 into my marriage I had no interest to be with anyone but my wife. Unfortunately she didn’t feel the same and chose to get involved with a married man. Someone called me and said I don’t know you but your friends felt you should know so I said I would call. I had two children so we attempted to get beyond this but she ended up leaving after 27 yeas of marriage.
So I really don’t want to have sex just for sex though I do enjoy sex. I really want to have a loving connection with the person I am involved with. I might be able to have that connection with a much younger person but I know that is not practical. I think a connection with someone a little younger, my age or even older is more realistic. I still see my ex at family functions and she has remarried. About 3 years ago she approach me and said I am so sorry I wasn’t a good wife to you. Maybe she found what she had was a lot better than she realized. Any way this is my opinion a sexual connection with a woman.
Happy
I am 54 yrs woman, many friends around my age divorce they seen look good and happy with their single life. While meet up with them many positive and tons of benefits as they happily mentioned, Freedom, don’t need to look after ex.. old man while they getting older sick and many benefits blah blah. Please when you are getting old in realistic actually women happy and willing to divorce. Please be realistic if you really have someone woman at 50s 60s love you care of you . Guys you are just Lucky.
Nina
Hey Dave,
What you have written is the words that come from my heart, after 7 years of separation, I still can’t believe that I can open my heart to another man or have a feeling for. because my ex was the only man in my life after my father. recently I thought to find a companion to hang out, dining out,to travel, someone I can call and talk, go walking, now in my 57, just counting the days when this train stops and I reach to my final destination. financially stable, 2 lovely big kids, married and unmarried. this is the life, people are different, some when the train stop in a station in the middle of a desert, just stay there, some wait for the next train to get in and continue and feel happiness and love.
Anonymous
Dave
You know I guess I have a different attitude than a lot of older men. We probably all need to feel loved a appreciated by someone whether it is someone our age or someone younger or even older. I can be attracted to someone younger than me or someone close to my age or older if the chemistry is right but I want it to be real not just about sex. I know when I was young the driving factor was someone that appealed to me but might not have been serious about a relationship but I passed through that period and wanted a serious meaningful union. When I got married I didn’t feel I wanted or needed someone else. My wife and I were intimate on a frequent basis and it wasn’t just sex it was a closeness and bonding witch I genuinely cared about. I remember while on a business trip I had a encounter with an attractive woman who wanted to be more than friends. She attempted to kiss me and I said I can’t do this I’m married and she said I am too. I said I don’t think you understand you are a beautify women but wouldn’t want my wife to do this and I can’t do it either. If I was in a marriage without the intimacy and love I had would I have reacted differently, perhaps I don’t know but in that moment 15 into my marriage I had no interest to be with anyone but my wife. Unfortunately she didn’t feel the same and chose to get involved with a married man. Someone called me and said I don’t know you but your friends felt you should know so I said I would call. I had two children so we attempted to get beyond this but she ended up leaving after 27 yeas of marriage.
So I really don’t want to have sex just for sex though I do enjoy sex. I really want to have a loving connection with the person I am involved with. I might be able to have that connection with a much younger person but I know that is not practical. I think a connection with someone a little younger, my age or even older is more realistic. I still see my ex at family functions and she has remarried. About 3 years ago she approach me and said I am so sorry I wasn’t a good wife to you. Maybe she found what she had was a lot better than she realized. Any way this is my opinion a sexual connection with a woman.
Francesca
Well let me say one thing eye candy can be your age. I’m 55 also divorced for 15 years. And I don’t date much because I don’t want a younger man. And this may come as a shock but you do have many beautiful women yr age who could make yr heart skip a beat. I like to say… I’m not older just ripe and like great wine. I’m full of flavor and have vintage qualities. So good luck and remember we do exist. Beauty is from the inside and shines on the outside.
David Dods
Ya, but as one poster already stated and as stats show women 50+ are no longer interested in sex only companionship. Men still want til very old age so why they try to go as young as possible.
Debbie
Sex is all in the mind. At almost 52 I am still interested in sex and I believe it is necessary to create the bond in a meaningful relationship, which is what I am looking for. I am not looking for just a male friend.
Anonymous
Don’t be embarrassed . We are all here to learn and figure out life. Be happy that you are now figuring things out ….
Neicey
Well I’m an older woman in her late fifties and yes it’s hard to find someone who knows how to be faithfull at my age. There always looking for younger woman
Dee
You sound like you don’t like men very much. Take em or leave em.
John
I know what you mean. At 51 I dated a 21 year old for about a year and it was so embarrassing when she held my arm walking down the street. And the truth is I didn’t
even try to pursue her or sleep with her. She came after me. She’s the one that would call all the time and she initiated the sex. I also don’t have a lot of money because I am a recovering addict and am just getting my life together. I’m also very muscular,fit and look much younger in the face for my age so maybe that helps but that age gap is no joke. You still feel funny and very uncomfortable. Before her my last girlfriend was 18 years younger than me. And I was pursued there again. Given my situation, i found it hard to meet women my own age because I have lived a very hard and unconventional life due to my addiction. I would go on dating sites and 90 percent of 50 or 40 year olds for that matter had travel, college ,kids and a career or body of work behind them and I can’t relate in that arena. It’s sad because I worry while playing catch up in life. I feel like I screwed up my life with drugs and in reality I did. I missed all the good things in life like having a wife,children, a career to be proud of. My only hope is to live the rest of my life doing the best I can. I always think, maybe fantasize, that I’ll meet a woman in my age range who’s been through the fire like me and come out of it better. Who takes care of herself and is still not jaded by life. She could have trust issues. I do and I’m sure we all have them to some degree. The trick is to be aware of your stuff and not let it get in the way. I know this is long . Guess i had a lot to say here . I’ll stop
#livingmybestlife67
Sex after 50 is all about attitude! Started dating after a 25 yr marriage. Not sure what I want beyond companionship and sex, but I am totally open to the possibilities.
Big thing to keep in mind for men……chemistry and paying attention to a woman’s needs is the key to great sex….regardless of erectile ability. 😉
Jordan
Hi Kitty,
Thank you for your refreshing and candid comments. It’s the truth. Us women who were discarded and whose husbands of 30+ years must feel good about ourselves because so many of our ex’s will be remarrying before us and most likely to women younger than ourselves.
Right on! Keep friends. Nurture our community life. Spend time with people who care about us and value us not because we’re “eye candy” or ego boosters for some man’s arm. Beware of men who openly look at younger women. They’re not the kind of partner, or even friend, that you want.
liveinthemoment
I am 56. Was married for 32 years to same man for 35 years total. I was 20. He died 4 years again and I thought I would never have sex again and believe you have to use it or lose it. Dating a younger man because mostly older men want to date because I am still very young looking and in good shape. Also, he would have sex everyday and I have a very high sex drive. So doesnt demand anything from me while I am exploring having a great sex life after it waning years before hubby died. The stats on being alone as a woman my age I tend to believe. OK but sex is a need for me.
Shorty
Hello. I am a 52 year old divorced woman and I understand what you mean . I am disabled but still have wants and needs also. Mostly looking for a friendship that may turn into more. Not looking for someone to support me. Mainly looking for companionship
Stella
I’m 56, I take care of myself, and the men I date are also in my age group. And these men are athletic, fit, attractive and successful. Sure, they can date younger women, but many chose to date those closer to their age. Relatable is their reason. I feel generalization is never accurate. Don’t know where the stats are from but I have to disagree with the stats.
Clarice
Agree!
John1967
Well I am 53 Male with no ED issues. I work out regularly and one question I get asked is my age. I do not post a lot of pictures of me but I do have an 8 pack, veins exposed everywhere and shredded. I would really like to meet someone again but my problem has nothing to do with sex or companionship but more so how I was left in the aftermath of my padt.. Got married at 22 had accumulated properties and businesses only to loose it all during a divorce in 2008 no less. Jumped into a LTR for 10 years and lost again. Now being so cautious and not having much to bring to the table keeps me out of the dating scene. Basically I have been financially devastated and this Covid didn’t help much So my question is would men look down on a situation as mine.
Walter small
Hi I am Walter 50 single male looking for a nice long term relationship I like cooking walking reading music I am loving caring kind romantic
John1967
Well I am 53 Male with no ED issues. I work out regularly and one question I get asked is my age. I do not post a lot of pictures of me but I do have an 8 pack, veins exposed everywhere and shredded. I would really like to meet someone again but my problem has nothing to do with sex or companionship but more so how I was left in the aftermath of my padt.. Got married at 22 had accumulated properties and businesses only to loose it all during a divorce in 2008 no less. Jumped into a LTR for 10 years and lost again. Now being so cautious and not having much to bring to the table keeps me out of the dating scene. Basically I have been financially devastated and this Covid didn’t help much So my question is would men look down on a situation as mine.
Howie
As a widower at 51 years old I have had a different experience.
I do like women my age but it has not been easy
I am a fairly good looking man with my act together, financially stable with 24 years of a successful marriage behind me. I’m still raising a 14 year old son.
Women my age want someone to travel with, someone to hang down at block island or the. One yard. They all seem to be going through a mid life crisis or something. I’m so sick of the phrase “live life to the fullest”. Which means they want endless things to do, go out to dinners literally every weekend, and have to be planning or doing something crazy for every waking moment. They also want younger men. Believe me this is the case! Really, you work hard and play hard at 49? I don’t want to “keep up” and no, I don’t have a “passport in hand”.
It’s been tough so please introduce me
To those women who want a man their age who is still raising kids and is stable, good looking and not a basket case. It’s a horror show out there and lady, you MUST be the exception.
Lavitabuona
Hey Howie, I am a woman in the same boat! I am 5 years widowed, but my sons are older. I LOVE my life right now. The wisdom and the possibilities. I have not had a problem finding men who want to have a serious, ongoing relationship with me. I have found there to be plenty of fish. Tho have only dated 2 of them seriously, but really enjoyed them. I think that a positive and loving attitude and appreciation for the now is so sexy! (As is a man who can play guitar!). It doesn’t have to be crazy busy, just crazy simple and beautiful. Know how to play and laugh – where ever you are – that is the secret.
Leigh in FL
I’m in my early 50s, I’m a cute size 14 redhead, divorced after a 37 yr relationship.
Sounds like you and I are looking for the same thing. I love to bake, go to the beach, go camping several times a year, dinner with friends, etc… Just normal life stuff.
Where do people like us meet other people like us?
Kim
Hi. I AM the exception. I am 56(look years younger and act even younger), widowed for 4 years, and keep in good shape. I do not have to be wined and dined. Raised 3 sons(all live in another state, so did something right), and consider live life to the fullest as having sex regularly!! Not much of a traveler, introverted and a bit of a homebody. very easy going.
Tony
Hi.Kim. I think every woman needs to be wined & dine now and then, my name is Tony recently separated after 35 years at a loss about all what you need to do to get a date these days. I have two beautiful lassie dogs at home so I don’t travel myself I like to go for walks with the dogs and like to take them on big drives to the beach and other places, other than that I too am a homebody.
Anonymous
@Kim
Um, ok… Easy going is great and all but you definitely sound more “EASY”!
John
Just look foward to owning a cat, you wanted your freedom.
If a woman.hasnt got sex appeal, why bother.
I can get a dog..
James
I’m 50. Male. Stay fit. Most people think I’m early to mid 40s. I’m not attracted physically to women my age. Mentally I am. Try to get into the physical part of the relationship with a delightful woman of the same age but very difficult. All my sexual desires and fetishes, I only desire to do on younger women (early 40s the oldest). I’m not happy about it but it is what it is. Not fair to the woman of my age who says she “can’t keep her hands off me” when I feel more of a friend attraction. I’ll probably end up single and a bit lonely but so be it. I can’t force myself to be attracted to 50yr old woman if I’m not.
JohnsEx
…..Dog with Stockholm syndrome
Sabrina
Experience. : )
This is the best blog I’ve read on dating after 50. She couldn’t be more precise.
Jonathan
Wrong! The opposite, it’s super easy for women as long as they are at least moderately attractive she will have tons of men after her. A man, lets say 50 and up is no longer desired. Women with intentions of having children don’t want a man this old because he will be in his 60s when the child is a teenager. Younger women, let’s say in their 20s and up to mid 30s have zero interest in men that old. Women in their 40s are either going for men their age or taking advantage of their cougarness. Life gets really sad when you’re a male in your 50s.
Anonymous
59 husband left me for other woman.Dont feel bad its hard for older woman also
Bob
“The details of my divorce aren’t really important”
But they really are.
You don’t need to look for the answer elsewere.
jim
i agree, the details describe what was missed somewhere.
Greg Stewart
So we’ll put lady…thanks. .. as a man in my late fifties divorced for 2 1/2 years from a 30+ year marriage to a serial cheater, Bi- Polar, Somatic Narcissist…. I did not date through separation, the divorce process or after divorce…. Just started putting myself out there so to speak in the past year…with many meet/ greet dates, only two led to a second date…first was a separated 49 year lady that led to 5 dates where I was a satisfying rebound, we are still distant friends….the second an attractive drug dealer (kidding, a Pharmacist ?) mid 50’s …we fell for each other, having many wonderful times and experiences..in her break up letter stating she was attracted to my handsome first impression, my sensual nature, most fun outgoing gentleman, and best lover in bed she had ever experienced. . yet again I was a rebound as her divorce was not complete and she went back to prior 6 month boyfriend, that offered a better financial nest…I’m a hopeless romantic and my heart was broken again… It’s not as easy as women think being a single late 50’s 6’4″ trim/fit, mentally healthy, attractive, sexually fit male…. Greg Stewart, Concord, Ca. LinkedIn, Google+, Twitter
Just sayin’ it’s not easy out there…
Amber Joy
Hi Greg….Kudos to you for even attempting to date women closer to your age. I’d say that most men your age actually prefer women 20 years younger, so it’s refreshing to know that there’s still a “few” of you out there who doesn’t base your interest in women solely on their age.
Anonymous
I am 50 and prefer women my age.
Where are they?
They are not responding to my personal ads, they are not in the meet up groups or volunteer groups, and they are not in the bars.
Can I assume no one wants me?
Debbie
I think it is more that your path has not crossed yet with that woman who is perfect for you. The timing of these things is not always our timing. Just keep on keeping on, have faith, and continue to pursue activities that have meaning for you. You never know who you’ll run into, or who they might know. You will meet someone when you least expect it.
Witchiepoo
Because we r sitting here reading posts that say we may as well accept the fact that we are going to be alone the rest of our lives. I have so much MORE to offer at 53 thatn i did at 33….but the packaging is older….and nobody gives me a second thougt! I left a totally dysunctional relationship i tried to keep going for 8 yrs. 2 weeks after i said done…he was with a 45 yr old grandmother and they r now …a year later…raising the grandchild! And he is clean to boot. Signed up on eharmony….and feel totally pathetic about it. I swore in my 30s…i will never be one of those sad 50somethings looking for a guy…..but here i am AGAIN. And i feel foolish doing it! My sisters husband of 23yrs dumped her for someone 3 yrs older than their daughter….parting shot of “you are old and dried up” still stings her. That was 15 yrs ago and she never found anyone after that.
So to answer your question…..we are everywhere….but just kind feel a bit foolish admitting it!
Thimbzo
I am available
Rose
Here is where I am!
Kisses
Good Morning Anonymous,I am 25 and I am getting married to a wonderful 48 year old man who has been divorced for 10 years now and has 5 children,I have never been married and I don’t have any children,I m very mature and has always been that way,and I DONT HAVE DADDY ISSUES. My dad is a very supportive and loving father and he is my best friend.I don’t believe in using age to judge a person,before we met my partner was dating a 50 year old woman who still didn’t know what she wanted from a relationship.Everyone deserve a chance to show who they are and be appreciated despite their age.Celine dion and her husband had a beautiful marriage despite their age difference,marriage is about people and how much they are willing to commit to each other not about age.Therefore I believe if u meet someone 15-20 years younger (legal) or older give it a shot and don’t let what others will say or think bother you,after all your marriage is about you and your partner.I was dating a guy my own age for 6 years and it didn’t work out,because he forgot that not because your young,it means you have all the time in the world, so it’s ok to waste time and for that reason we separated.There are a lot of lovely ladies of different age group out there,spread your wings,get to know people.You may never know where you might end up finding ur happiness.As for me and my partner we are going to have children together within the next two years,he is a great father to his children so I have no doubt he will be a good father and he is going to make an incredible,extraordinary,super excellent husband.
Seymour Heiny
Yes, it’s very safe to say that.
Anonymous
I’m feeling the same. I am very attractive and have not too many prospects.
Madchen
Maybe not all women but I, as a mid 50s woman, have begun to ignore men my own age for those older, assuming I’m competing for the attention of my peer age group with that of 10+ years younger in 30s, 40s.
I am done-zo with competition and way overdue to be the icing. I’d rather be alone than 2nd best.
Given up
They are picking up guys in their 30’s, that’s where. Don’t kid yourself, it’s pretty bleak out there for guys 50 and over unless you have money. They’ll be sniffing around when their cougar act no longer works. My advice? Let them take up knitting or something. Your weren’t good enough for them then, why would you be good enough for them now?
Margo
I’m glad that you can admit that dating isn’t easy for either sexes. And sometimes the women are worst then the men. Jumping into bed doesn’t set a good example for a wonderful monogamous relationship.
Easy E
Most of them have been cheated on or lied to. They’re looking for a solid stable dude. We’re a rare gem. Don’t give up, maybe ask a woman what would look good on you
Southern Bell
I agree, Greg I do think its awesome you do want someone close to your age. I am a 51 divorcee and just beginning to think about dating. I know you do have to watch out for the “rebound, needy chicks”! Your gal is out there so keep looking!
Ellison
I am a responsible Man. i enjoy my job and I strive for success in everything I do.I am a fun loving man, jovial, lovely and passionate. I think of myself as being clever but harmless. I am supporting, caring and have a loyal and tolerant character, humble, honest, understanding and truthful. I’m a very passionate, physical person that would want the same in a mate, deeply romantic, optimistic, hopeful, wise, & smart, I have a big honest heart and don’t like being lied to……email ellisonsmith01@gmail.com skype ID ellisonsmith01 i hope to hear from you
Tom
Well, I’ve been reading the comments, and I’m 71, been divorced over two years. And to this date haven’t had any responses by women in my age bracket. I have had plenty from 23 to 39, really? I still think at my age I have a lot of love to give. Where am I going wrong?
sahale
I call us (men that date their age), the real men. I can’t go back to having my life back when I have had my chance. The best is to make do of whats available at hand. Its more fun with someone close your age, because communication and understanding will be easier.
tonysam
Just because they say they “prefer” it doesn’t mean these men get them. The great majority of young women–not “younger”, young–will not have anything to do with much-older men. I wish this meme would die.
Sue Murphy
Greg, Your story could have been mine, except I am female, and I have been divorced 15 years. The stories have replayed over the years, and I have come to question if I am ever to find a partner to grow old with, as it seems that I am already doing that! Lol! I just really want someone to wake up with, share the days events, not that we have to do everything together; we don’t. But for a marriage that ended in tears, it had many good years that unfortunately could not be salvaged. I still believe in marriage and believe that men and women are meant to live in harmonious relationships. I have had more poor experiences than good with dating sites, and I seem to be a failure when it comes to meeting my “other half” in what I would call traditional manners. I wouldn’t go back to a bad marriage for all the tea in China, yet at the same time, I wouldn’t wish the late fifties dating scene on my worst enemy. Best of luck to you on finding someone with whom to share your life!
Crystal
happy new year
Welcome my dear
I will want us to friends.
My name is Crystal
I have very important issue to discuss with you.
Write me back if you are interested,Thanks.
crystalphilando1956@gmail.com
Morgan
Can you have me…
Booberry
I’m sorry Greg. I just wish I could be there for you.
Brenda
Her loss.So sorry for your heartbreak. I can certainly relate.
Brig
As a woman in her mid-fifties and who often gets mistaken for at least 10 years younger, I’m astonished at how many men in my social circle see me as just a friend and consistently chase women in their 30s only to be re-buffed time and time again and not learn or look at older women more ‘age appropriate’. I’m happier than I’ve ever been, my kids are late teens, I’m more self-assured having licked my wounds a few after a couple of abusive partners, yet I still am only friend material to the guys I find attractive. I often wonder where I’m going wrong. I have a great social life, I do many physical hobbies, I have a job, I drive, I’m adventurous, I’ve been told I’m good looking and interesting…so I’m puzzled as to why the dating arena is proving so tough. I seem to attract the kind of guy that likes my free-spiritedness yet are often the types to start clipping my wings as soon as my attention is elsewhere. I never ever thought ageism would be an issue, I thought it was an imagined thing. I still believe, however, in my weird optimism that out there is someone for me…someone at a similar age who can appreciate me and whom I can appreciate. In the meantime, I’m out there living my life to the fullest I’ve ever lived. Thanks Linda for this article. Brilliant and I can relate so much to you.
RP
you are not doing anything wrong. its just biology. men are attracted to youth and beauty in women like women are attracted to status and resources in men. Women when they get older start to lose what men are attracted to. If men are not physically attracted to you then they will not pursue you.
Ray
Women are also attracted to looks. Especially if they’re well off on they’re own. Don’t get it twisted, the younger women is not attracted to you as an old man, physically. It’s actually a mental disorder. Young Women are not designed to be attracted to infertile old men. Sorry.
Curious
Hi.im 51 and also look around 12 years younger than my real age.so does it mean that even tho i am.pretty attractive because I am older men may not pursue me..?
Jessica
Maybe some of you guys need to look in the mirror! Oh please!
David Dods
you are bang on
Murray 58 from New Zealand
I agree, RP.
I have been online dating in my own age group.
It hasn’t been easy at all, lots of rejection and ghosting!
Most women my age are not sexually attractive, youth, excitability and plump skin is sexy.
However those few women that have got it are naturally very selective and sought after.
I am not looking for a physical relationship with 50 somethings(yes I get wood) though the ladies would like physical sex.
Ed
Correct, RP. The wall is undefeated.
Lonely
Well…i am a married man of 54 years looking for 60 and 70 year old pretty women thst want a nice sexy relationship…
Life tbl
Brig you might try dating a few men who are just a bit younger since you say you look younger. Usually how you look on the outside is how you are physically doing on the inside and we don’t all age at the same rate. Why I say just a bit younger is because sometimes, not all the time, men a bit younger are less likely to do as you say clip a woman’s wings. I not talking really young but maybe mid to late 40s or early 50s. I do believe there are men out there who are more easy going even in their 50s+. My dad was that way. He wasn’t sexist at all and didn’t hold my mom back even though he was born back in 1929. My mom told me one time if my dad passed away she would never date a man her age because so many her age wanted to control their partners and my dad wasn’t that way.
David Dods
Brig. I am always amazed that people do not understand. Men your age (use myself as an example) are still very horny … women my age (post menopause) are no longer interested in a sexual loving relationship – they are done with sex. Women are done at 50-55 men around 65-70 … so it make sense for a man to go for a 10-15 yr younger women. I believe that sex is reserved for marriage/committed relationship so do I wish to take a chance on a 50 something women and have a sexless marriage. No thanks
Jennifer
Excuse me, but let’s not generalize. I am a 50-year-old woman who is passionate about sex.
You can’t put large groups of people into boxes.
Sally
Your are an idiot for generalizing. Many woman after menopause want sex too as they don’t have to worry about getting pregnant and those of us that take care of ourselves are better in bed than most men our age. So get over yourself.
Anonymous
Im 52 still sexually active. Men like u are the problem
david
It is just stats. 82.5% of post menopausal are not interested that leaves 17.5% – guess you are part of that group. Problem is that don’t know if a women is in that 1.5% group. Kinda like the insurance stats for 16-18 only males that stats are more likely to get into an accident and therefore the premiums are greater – an issue for my son but the insurance companies won’t budge.
Kim
Most women lose their libido as well as men approaching 50, sometimes weight issue or health in general. I did not( late husband did) and had an increasing sex drive at 50 and am 56 now(fully menopausal). just depends…was worried when I was widowed at 52 that I wouldnt find someone my age or even older to have sex as often as I would like. found someone younger to have sex with to not lose it, got to use it or lose as a older woman!!! Open to man closer to my age to have a relationship ship but not just as a companion.
Benahli
I’m still interested in sex. I don’t expect that to end. I’m 56. But, dating has been very challenging. I’m too hyper-vigilant for red flags now.
Kristine
You are completely wrong and have no idea what you’re talking about. I am a 50 year old woman and want sex more now than I ever did in my 20’s, and every woman I know my age feels the same.
Anonymous
Brig
Same boat here, I’ve been told I’m good looking, did a online photo test and got above average to top 20% in looks. I’m 60 but look 48, I’m buff and great in bed. I’ve had horrible luck on sites but I think demographic has everything to do with it. Dating sites have totally taken my self esteem away as well as my self confidence. I’m to shy to just go up and talk cold turkey. Now I think all women are after 6′ + guys where my down fall is 5’9″
Anonymous
try not being 6 4′ and financially just doing ok. im getting tired of being an “also interviewed”
Carl
Turn it around and interview them . Your the man it is your job to interview not the irrational women .
Rolling My Eyes
Really Carl?
Ivy
Hey Carl, it’s You’re the man, not Your. Good grammar will take you far. Even with the young gals….maybe especially. Trust me.
Seymour Heiny
You actually know of a rational woman! That’s an oxymoron by definition. I bet you think woman don’t lie either!?!
Debbie
The ignorance and arrogance within some people causes them to stereotype others. Best to avoid them.
steven
hi
Tavi
Wow I think I’m going to just dip out and go buy more batteries lol
Trev
Or you can do what you like doing hobbies , work etc, live a better life , be kind, friendly and establish / build a high self value, being interviewed on dating sites is a losers game and no one should put up with it. It may well be that friendship first is a good rule, not having expectations for effort and not being used for validation allows you to set your value. If you don’t date or find that women or man (for women) then so what. It is you that matters and how you behave that gives you pride in yourself – what missing part of you will be completed by dating or a relationship maybe address that first.
Debbie
Greg……I don’t think it’s easy for anyone in their 50’s looking for love again. We just can’t give up. Too bad you and I live on opposite coasts!
Sarah
The problem with men is they look for beauty on the outside. My outside isn’t the greatest but inside i’m very beautiful. Maybe if more men would look there non of us would be alone in our 50s. I’m tired of being alone because men are supperficial
NYer
Bingo!!!!!
Suzi
Double bingo !!
And even if you find someone that wants to date you , after one date they already start implying sexual stuff .
I’m no prude , but I am sorry I’m attracted to ones inside and mind . That takes time. Sorry no I don’t want to snuggle up to you watching a movie cause we had one decent date. I will need to develop feelings for you. Is that too much to ask for ? To have feelings before you get all touchy feely with me ?
mark
I am a man 67 .Many women have wonderful personalities and beautiful hearts. Some just look at pictures and move on, they never read my profile . So it happens , to both men and women who would give 100 per cent each. I wished a lady would take time to read about me markww2 on pof in Houston
Seymour Heiny
ROTFLMAO! You go guuuurl! I’m good just had supper. Thanks. Don’t know what supperficial is. Ever heard of a spellcheck!? I get feeling you will be alone for a very long time
Eddie
Hi sarah! How are you? i am single never married , i am 30 years old and looking for life partner… any serious lady contact me no matter of age or being divorced or being widowed or being single mother… Age is nothing but number!!!!
TWIN2
Hello Single Ladies I am 49 have my own everything I’m seeking a good woman I’m the kind of man that looks for the inner beauty first then outward appearance I say outward appearance because as we are hitting our 50s we still should eat right and take good care of ourselves so if you like I could be reached at my email below this post PS no head games you should have left that back in high school .
Murray 58 from New Zealand
I agree, RP.
I have been online dating in my own age group.
It hasn’t been easy at all, lots of rejection and ghosting!
Most women my age are not sexually attractive, youth, excitability and plump skin is sexy.
However those few women that have got it are naturally very selective and sought after.
I am not looking for a physical relationship with 50 somethings(yes I get wood) though the ladies would like physical sex.
David
study after study for hundreds of years show that men look on the outside – initially and women look for money. So both men and women are superficial.
david
Really Sarah!?! “men are supperficial” but women aren’t – it is known fact based on many, many studies over 100s of years that men search for looks and women search for money – don’t know which is more ‘supperficial’
David
Men consider the outside and women look at size of the wallet. I’m tired of being alone because women are superficial
julie
Signed up to a dating site- guy kept asking tell me about yourself. I did. Divorced twice. 1st one left me w/ a toddler. 2nd one left me for Vodka. I picked men that were wrong for me. My fault but as soon as I shared poof! Men are gone. I am fit,attractive, employed,debt free, own my home, and am making it despite no child support. I have 2 great teens that will soon be gone. I am a stable person that was desperate for a family and married for that. So now I’m a pariah. No one will touch me. Even my church pretty much ignores me because I’m divorced. It’s like I have a communicable disease!
I’ve given up on the search and resigned myself to figuring out how to live out the rest of my lfe in a meaningful way. I figure if God wants me in a relationship he will plant a man in front of me.
Sometimes I’m sad about it all but mostly try to be upbeat for my many blessings. I just wish my life had turned out differently.
Igor
In my experience, when middle age women say that they are fit and attractive, they look for the same in men. We are talking about people over 50, whose bodies are way different than they were 20 years ago. When women say that they are fit and attractive but they are not looking for the same in men, they still send the same message. There is nothing wrong with looking for the best (fit and attractive guys) but with age the odds are getting drastically smaller for you. In this age group, I see way more overweight women than men and this is very unattractive. When middle age woman is not overweight, that’s attractive already, fit or not fit, and it shows on pictures. I have normal body, for a 53 it’s a bit heavier of course, sometimes I get very fit when I prepare for a marathon, but in general it doesn’t change my perspective on women. I’m just not attracted to women whose bodies don’t resemble a woman’s body anymore. Most or maybe all who chat me up look like guys, seriously. Age doesn’t have much to do here, it’s just a physical aspect. Young women tend to be much slimmer, sex with them is on a totally different level. Plus they like or at least are not afraid of showing their bodies. After that comes personality, but this is another subject.
Sally
Really guy? Older woman run marathons and aren’t any heavier than the pregnant looking men as they age. Only most don’t have hair. Please refrain from your arrogance about looks..you probably look at porn because no younger woman wants an old man marathon runner or not. Get over yourself.
The Punisher
Check yourself before you wreck yourself Seymour Heiny. Did you give your self that name because you are sugar-coating what you see when you look in the mirror? Have you ever heard of grammer check? Or maybe you should consider going back to adult school for a high school diploma. It is hard to even consider you as an adult!
David
“women whose bodies don’t resemble a woman’s body anymore.” That line is good & I agree 100%
Jaime
I’m told on dates “a great guy” I’ve adopted grandkids , work hard no debt , 56 young at heart , tall dark hair , no debts . Christian servant .
I’m not sure why at 55 I’m alone when there are women like yourself available .
I’m not online dater .
Not out there .
Why is it hard to connect to good souls ?
TJ
Jamie,
I’m 56 and am a Cristian as well. I agree with you 100%!! Looking for an equally yolked person who wants to have a long term relationship & isn’t all about sex. I have a kind, loving & giving heart. Looking for someone who wants to just start out slowly.
TJ
TJ
Jamie,
I am 56 years old & am a Christian as well. 5’0, 95lb, young at heart as well. I’m not an online dater either. Do not like being alone & am certainly not looking for a straight male who is all about sex! Having a kind, gentle heart & giving spirit is very the kind of person I am. Looking to meet someone who would appreciate starting out slowly.If interested, please reply.
TJ
Anonymous
Where do you live?
You are special and real.
Jim
I am looking for a church going woman that is not over religious because of my moral values. I am 71, in good health, intelligent, interested in all things related to humans, caring, want a final life partner to talk with about life, enjoy activities together, travel some, enjoy family gatherings. I want to do good things for good causes and contribute my little bit to a better world. I was in business and retired into charitable work and family, separated in Dec 2017, have an 8 year old son that I love dearly, unfortunately mom moved him north and we see each other Sundays and connect on phone two evenings a week. Not sure how access will be increased as she is unwilling to do so as she wants to raise him in her religion which is different than mine. Anyway, I hope to be back enjoying my self with a woman in the not to distant future, we can talk on phone if you like or by email so we can exchange photos.
Anonymous
It would be nice to meet some of the good people on here, but this is not a dating site. Try some other venue. Good luck to you!
John
Wow! That sounds tough.
I hope, in the year since you wrote this, that you have met someone who is good to you and good for you. 🤞
EyesWideOpen
Greg – I hear you. I’m a late 50’s guy, physically and mentally fit, secure, reasonably handsome (so I’m told). My ex-wife (20 yr marriage) celebrated turning 50 with several brief affairs, never ever dreaming I would find out. She claimed they were “just sex” and wanted to stay married, but I no longer cared at that point. So where are all the single, fit, 50-something women? I tried some of the so-called “dating sites” geared toward the 50+ crowd but they were a joke. Whether it’s these sites, the gym, or anywhere single people meet, I swear it seems like the number of available 50-something guys far out numbers 50-something women. What am I missing?
Debbie
Evidently at 50 I am missing something too. Can’t find a decent guy around my age who actually cares about having a good, caring, attractive partner. There’s so many good guys out there supposedly, but I can’t find them. I would gladly settle for just one……
eager
Not every on run after younger women, I like older one. My age 60 now, younger days partner never understand me & my desires.
I like to find some attractive middle age woman in her 55 to 60nage group.
I’m may not be clear but once you reply we can discuss
Tess
Its amazing this thread continues after all this time. There seems to be an ongoing need to connect…so what’s the answer?
You sound great EyesWideOpen…so does Greg…and I have to agree that it’s frustrating…You men sound like just what I’m looking for…so what the heck!! Haha! If not a dating site…then how do people like us meet?
Igor
They usually stay home with their cats because they can’t fit in nice clothes anymore to go out. I know a few that do this and when I ask them out, they look at me like I had two heads. Maybe it’s a problem with their libido, too. They go through more drastic changes than men do at this age. So in many cases it can be understood.
The problem is that when they do go out or advertise themselves online, they rather go for a brief encounter with a decent guys instead of a matching ones. I know those, too. No self criticism. My guess is that they are still dreaming about that prince, like little girls, hoping that an awesome guy will fall in love with them. Well, women are more emotional, not as rational as men so this also should be understood. I get hits from women older than me, even 10 years older! What are they thinking? They look like my mother.
The luckiest guys over 50 are those who enjoy sex with older, overweight women and have enough energy to go to gym regularly. I have a couple of good friends like this, so I tried that too. In my experience, personal hygiene was in par with their weight. Well, this also should be excused because it is harder to keep large body clean than the tiny one, especially in hard to reach areas.
I hope it answers your question.
NOTBBW
HA! Never thought about the smelly part. After being there for him through drug rehab and all his other addictions; my 58 year old ex told me he was going to go find a BBW that has a secure job and can take care of him and all he has to do is service her once in awhile. Said that BBW will do anything that’s why men are seeking this types of women now. I know it’s horrible but just so you BBW know and are aware of the intent and stay clean or clear of these users.
Lisa
Igor. I can see why you are single.
A Realist
BiilyG you forgot a Man’s perspective;
….and trying to find a Woman in her 50’s that still has an interest in sex when;
1) She needs a 55gal drum of lubricant before foreplay and;
2) Her Estrogen(the brain chemical that causes the caring nurturing side is gone) and to add insult to injury, Her Testosterone (the brain chemical that maintains her Libido is gone). What type of fridged and cold woman do you end up with.
Just saying that there’s two sides to every story.
I’d estimate that 75% of Women age 48-55 don’t know or even care about their bodies, let alone know or have an interest in Hormone Replacement Therapy.
Geargia Peach
Holy crap…. well that is some honest male perspective…. I am appreciative of the feedback although it is a little brutal. As a woman knocking on 50’s door, with a marriage soon to end in divorce after 26 years, I feel a bit insecure. I am glad I don’t have a weight, hygiene, hormone, or hag issue to deal with! Just your normal everyday wtf insecurity stuff. Good tip on what to do with going through the “change”!! Once my estrogen dips, I will make sure to schedule a doctor’s appointment for hormone therapy, we’ll want to keep the beast caged!
I have no idea what my future holds. I am a bit terrified. I never thought this was going to be it. My family was forever, I believed that. Sometimes forever isn’t as long as we think.
Regardless, to the guys contributing, thanks for your two cents. It is much appreciated. Wish you all the best in finding your happily ever after.
Georgia Peach
Sussn
Im approaching 60, still attractive with only a few extra pounds and very creative. But I my experiences were that men wanted me to put my faith into them, yet they really werent there for me. Now I just want to make more money for my older needs as I never found Mr. Right. Men are not wild about women with a child from a difficult ex
They dont want problems so theyll just get out of it w young woman.
EyesWideOpen
Sussn – I empathize, but let me share what I uncovered. The “other side of the coin,” so to speak: Mid-to-late 50s men often find it easier to date early to mid 40s women as opposed to women their own age. Why? Those in their own age bracket were far “pickier” than the 40-somethings because those younger women “were, single, with kids, and an agenda.” They wanted a man to help raise and pay for their kids. This, of course, does not apply to all women in that age bracket, however, I’ve read about it enough to know that it is a concern to single fellas…
Anthony
Very well said Greg. It really isn’t as easy as it seems for men in their 50s that are looking for a serious relationship.
Skip
I’m separated now after 27 years, me mid 50s her late 40s. I didn’t cheat and neither did she. We had a failure in communication that seemed to start breaking down as the kids were leaving for college. There have been wonderful happy times raising three gorgeous children, 2 in college 1 in mid teens, all seem to be happily adjusted life is good. However, about 5 years ago I discovered with her help a little problem in my family called alcoholism and cleaned up my act many years ago and got sober. However she continued to drink.
This was, I believe, part of the problem…. but we both spent many nights at bars and parties drinking and having a wonderful time in fact I think all three of our children were conceived after drinking. But it’s understandably a very difficult problem for a family to have, where one partner develops full blown alcoholism like his mother and father, and the other does not or is at a completely different level of the disease or in denial . However it can’t continue to be a healthy relationship . Which doesn’t mean that your new partner can’t drink it just means if she’s sloppy drunk there probably won’t be a second date whether she’s 18, 28, 38, 48, 50 or 60. I don’t think I’m going to mind making out with wine breath once or twice, but on a regular basis is not going to be something I’m looking forward to… I honestly wish age were not even discussed. I’m discovering through my female therapist that perhaps I’m attracted to these women seeking financial security or victim types because I have fear of abandonment nurtured true my childhood by my relationship with mother and father of “I love you ..go away! I love you …go away!:” Taking financial care of people is what us Daddy’s do best I hear it called …a daddy thing… it secures our fear of abandonment. They will need me. However these types of relationships are very destructive to us and is modeled by our children. So the behavior might not be of a psycho it might be behavior modeled after our parents! Give us a break! I’m so thankful for my therapy session on Friday! The group is called Adult Children of Alcoholics, ACA. It also includes people who were raised in other types of dysfunctional families. We are also typically very critical and harsh on ourselves and they need praise and ego-boosting that we might get from being with a younger attractive needy partner that they did not get from parents, their parents were absorbed in their own alcoholic lives and don’t take very good care of themselves either. They tend to be very responsible and take very good care of others which helps create the delusion that everything is normal but we guess at normal. Many of us live in denial about this thinking that our parents were wonderful role models for how to love our partners… stop and think how many times did you see your mother and father hugging? How many times do you remember your mother hugging you? Those were two very eye-opening questions for me. As a divorcing man mid 50s still in separation agreement mode I’m definitely not looking to settle down with anybody for a while. But I wouldn’t mind and I’m honestly looking forward to some female companionship and the only requirement at this point would be ample bosom which I feel I’ve obviosly been denied way too long.
Valerie
I think you are a narcissist, using projection and a potential smear campaign to
snag yourself a new victim. If I’m wrong I apologize. But ladies, do your homework on narcissistic abuse before dating a guy that seems too good to me true
Georgia Peach
Holy shit, Valerie. Skip is speaking his truth, which is actually pretty heartbreaking and painful for anyone that has walked that path. So, not a narcissist, just a divorced dad, trying to do the next right thing and not get kicked for it.
So. Peace.
omwo
AMEN TO THAT!!! There are to many narcissists men looking for a “mommy,” to take care of them! Getting out of mine! A waste of 30 + years…. Only good thing were 2 beautiful grown children doing very well for themselves.
David Dods
Yep, even a 83 year old retired Baptist minister stated that after menopause the only thing they want is money and that they are no longer interested in the physical side.
pjw
Just checked your twitter feed. You seem like a right wing nut job. stay away ladies.
Margo
I’m glad that you can admit that dating isn’t easy for either sexes. And sometimes the women are worst then the men. Jumping into bed doesn’t set a good example for a wonderful monogamous relationship.
Sunbunz
I’m a bit late here, I’m a 5’4″ 125lb 57 year old woman that still sports a bikini. I’ve been divorced for 12 years. 1 long-term relationship since my divorce that was for approx. 5 yrs. I’d like to find a man within 5-7 years of my age either direction that loves sex like I do and wants a relationship. It seems that combination is a tough find. I believe intimacy is a big part of a relationship so preferably no men suffering from ED for me. Unless he is willing to work around the problem and still have great intimate times. One of these days we’ll find each other.
Best of luck to everyone, hope you find exactly what you are looking for.
dave
you dont speak for everyone, men or women and if you did what a terrible world it would be
i find most women online judge by looks first or so it seems…do you like that comment?
Dave M
To Dave from Dave
I agree, I tried my luck at 2 dating sites for about six months, and not even a wink or a smile. Women do seem to make more of the mans looks rather than anything else. I got divorced over 20 years ago and after many attempts at dating feel that at 52 I just can’t be bothered anymore. I have much better things to do with my time than waste it with little chance of success.
Bob
Even if you found a woman believe me after a while you would not live up to her expectations. We are in an anti male , women are the victims of men period in history . Stay single keep your money and rent sex if you need it that bad. Even pre nups don’t hold up in court , she will own you.
Rolling My Eyes
No wonder we don’t want to date you…
Seymour Heiny
smartest thing I have read here.
David
Hi Bob. I have come to the same conclusion. Rent sex when needed vs all the nagging and no sex
Sophie 3
Hi Dave My name is Sophie 3. I have been were you are. It would be nice to meet someone who is honest, looking for someone their age not 20 years younger. I am in my 50’s but young @ heart. I usually start my profile letting men my age know I am disabled with MS. Does not stop me from living, things just take longer. I still am very much still part of the 60’s and 70’s. Especially music wise. My favorite is the Blues and always rock and roll. My life did a 180 I like to say but as I have been told I have lived all ready for 3 people. Things have changed for me but I am still going to live just not enough for 3. I’m very lucky I lived my life large now it’s time just to live and enjoy the company of a man with similar likes. Not much of a TV person but I keep watching MASH. Looking for that one episode I have not seen yet ( I don’t there is one but I love it just the same. I am in the Boston area. Maybe drop me a line if you’like. Maybe a bit of a chat…..and go from there. Sophie 3
Margie
Don’t ever give up. Here I am! ?
Taylor
Im 54 and I am on a couple of dating sites. I post just my profile picture, username, age and city and that is it! I get 25 to 30 messages a day from different woman and an average of 45 – 50 that have viewed my profile. So I have to agree with Dave.
John
i don’t buy that at all. You can meet someone at any age. I know lots of women over 50 who’ve started and kept proper relationships
Jenny
Yes. I think that women Kitty is a jackass. If you are looking, you will find someone. These are negative stereotypes and utter bull.
Sophie 3
John, you are so right.Be open to your likes as well as the person in your life and above all be honest. Sophie3
Bluesky
That’s not been my experience at all. Stats can be very biased.
JC
Life is definitely easier for women! It is insane to think otherwise.
Consider a few facts:
1. Women have the ability to go out an any given night and be outnumbered 3 to 1 by men.
2. Men are looking for someone to just acknowledge them.
3. Women file for divorce over 80% of the time.
4. Does anyone really believe that men are not the most docile people in the ordinary family. Consider the body differences (ovulation and PMS) and just consider how often women are friends with other women. Men have friends from childhood. Women rule the world and it is not pretty behind closed doors.
Rolling My Eyes
Oh my…you do know who actually has all the power in the world…look at the CEO’s, judges, governments, across this world…now tell me women are in charge dude…Come on..
A Man
“Women in their 50’s:… They know who they are and why their marriage failed and are looking for pure companionship”. I wonder about this statement; ‘companionship’ does not convey sexual-loving-relationship. Case in point why men are looking for younger women. I say this as a sexually active man in his 50’s.
Debbie
In response to “A Man”…….at age 50 when I say I miss the companionship of a man, I mean I miss everything about the relationship with a man. That means emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical. I have nothing against sex and I feel it is an important part of a successful loving relationship.
Laptop2
Hi Debbie,
I read your last couple of replies and agree with you about sticking to your values. Do not let anyone make you feel differently.
Debbie
Not a chance of that. I believe that without standards you’ll get no respect from anybody.
David
” I have nothing against sex” is so much different from actually craving it … your statement makes it very clear … but we men already knew that so why we desire younger women.
Debbie
David….Evidently my statement wasn’t very clear. I do enjoy sex and I crave that closeness with a loving partner….that union, bond, giving and receiving pleasure. I won’t just give my body out like candy to anyone, but when I do find that special someone there will be a great deal of time spent in bed. If you men want the younger women then go for it. I prefer someone around my age because I will have more in common with that man and hopefully they will have the same level of maturity.
Oksana 1956
Well don’t class all women in their 50’s and 60’s….some of us really do enjoy sex.
FYI I was married t am man younger then me, he was the worst love I ‘ve ever had and been with a gentleman over 60. Wow no comparison…Best love I have ever had.
Jarko
You are 100% correct. Btw oksana from woodhill?
Kathy
Not all are divorced — some are widowed (as I am). And if you think women in their 50s just want companionship, you haven’t been dating me or my friends. LOL
Steve
Kathy, I am a guy who has an older lady friend and we are very open with each other. She is still quite beautiful at 70 and is newly divorced. She told me that her husband has ED problems and has for years. The last time I talked to her she was thrilled at how many young men were wanting to date her. She is 70 and could not believe how many men in their 40’s were calling , many were very nice looking. She is still quite sexual and has had several men much younger, says she feels like 30 again. She said ” They are like bees around honey” I advised her to let them taste the honey and they will always come back ! She dates many different young guys because as she said “I could never just date one guy”.
Debbie
Good for her if that’s what she wants. It’s great that she’s still sexually active and enjoying it.
As much as I still enjoy sex at 50, for me sex is a special act, sacred even, shared between two people who really care about each other. I think it is the most precious gift you can give another person. It’s not a casual thing to me, and I couldn’t go from guy to guy giving my most private self out like it’s candy. That part of me is saved for someone who truly deserves it, someone who’s shown me that they want what I do, a meaningful and exclusive relationship. Those are just my standards.
julie
I won’t date for sex. I will date to find my forever friend and marry and then consummate the marriage. Giving myself away to a man with sex is degrading. The relationship ends and where are you ? Used!
Anonymous
you got action too
Joyful
You are 100% on Target with theses you think. There are many women in other cultures who do not have sex before marriage and they expect to be seriously pursued by men who are capable of supporting then as well as their families on certain cases and it end up producing very long-term and successful marriages. Maybe American women should study the other cultures too see if any of their practices would work for them.
David
Ya, I caught that as well. It is a medical fact that women past menopause no longer desire sex what I do not understand is why women are on dating sites when they are no interested in the physical side – at best it is very nasty. At least there are women over 50 who are honest in the descriptions and make it very clear that they are no longer interested in sex.
Anonymous
I am in my 40s but just had to comment at what a incredible turn off you are you sound disgusting and very unappealing. Any woman any age with any self respect would be repulsed by you. You must have some idea that you are not a catch for anyone.
David
Yep. You are correct … women get angry when I try to explain why men seek younger women. Women want asexual men.
Spring Hill Frank
This is sad.
meg
Well said
Stillsingleat54
“Because you are probably going to be alone if you find yourself alone at 50”. Really ??? That makes us all feel so much better. Thank you. Just because men like to date women in their 10-20 yrs younger soon realize they want someone with whom they have something in common and a 50 yr old doesn’t have much in common with a 30 yr old or a 40 yr old for that matter. When they’re done playing around they will coming looking for decent, honest , caring , attractive 50 + yr old women.
Yes freindships are important but to say that the chances of finding someone are THAT bleak is just mean.
Igor
I live on this world for over 50 years. I have friends and coworkers dating women from online websites, casual encounters, everything. And I never saw a guys over 50 with women 20 years younger. Except celebrities who can really do it, all talk about guys preference to date women the age of their daughters is just a cliche. Not true at all. I see this repeated on this website many times and I wonder where it comes from. This is just a BS. The whole idea of “upgrading” to a younger woman and leaving a wife for a younger “model” is just a lie. Sometimes, but very very rarely I see a woman 10-15 years younger married to a 50+ guy but only when she really needs the stable life and support. They ALL come with children and usually they are from different countries so they also upgrade the lifestyle for their children. That is my experience. Sorry ladies.
Everyday Joe gets anything he can put his hands on to save money on massage with happy ending. Old, overweight, dressed up as men, with bad hygiene and horrible attitudes, full of baggage from previous marriages. These guys hope for the best, do their best, try very hard, and eventually run away from them. Usually the next morning. I see this happening over and over again. It happened to me, too. My experience, I repeat, I’m not quoting someone else’s words.
Myspirit
What a terrible thing to say. I haven’t had much luck with guys my age, in their 50s, but I never had much luck with them in my 20s, 30s, 40s. This is definitely a generational thing…and my generation just did not produce great relational partners. We are the transitional generation. The peanutbutter between the baby boomers and turn of the century kids. We got the shaft being middle kids. I still have the hope of a relationship that lasts for the rest of my life just don’t have much in men my age.
Rd
Women are to much of a pain in life
Debbie
Nice attitude. I’m sure there’s women who could say the same about men. I choose to keep an open mind and not judge people.
Life tbl
Mmm i don’t mind male friends but I’d like to find a man who is interested in sex. If he can’t work it one way I’d hope he would be able to do it another way. I’m pretty white bread when it comes to sexual practices but my assumption there is a lot to work within the non alternative sex path. I don’t share with no one and I would prefer a partner who is liked minded. Finding a younger male partner I guess isn’t that hard but few would be interested in a long term relationship.
David
Lol, I don’t think you will have a problem finding a man that wants sex – as the issue is most often the other way around
Tim
That I find hard to believe! I’m almost 55, next month as a matter of fact. I live in Boise, Idaho as a male, it is horrible. Most women I am attracted to in their 50’s are taken, married or whatever! So, women do have it better at least here in the Treasure Valley, Idaho.
Maddog
Guess that depends on what part of the country they are in. Women where I currently live and in their 50’s, most have it easier than single men. The ratio here in Boise, Idaho favors women. I am moving to Raleigh, NC in a few days. I haven’t had a girlfriend in 3 years. Kinda getting sick of it! No, I shouldn’t settle but neither should the ladies. When most of the people here are married or have a girlfriend, the odds go down.
Some 50 year old guy
You will find someone, men are not all the same. Not all men in their 50s want to start a new family, with a younger lady. We might want to be able to relate, talk about commonalities etc. Men might be fun shy by 50, not wanting drama, or gold diggers. So find your match, might have to look harder. As for men older than you, be aware that those years and our shorter life span conspire. So you are 65, and that dude is 75 with less miles and poorer health prospects. We know people in that boat 65 year old lady, who cannot travel with her less than healthy hubby. Food for thought.
David Dods
two things: Medical facts show that 81.5% of women past menopause are no longer ‘open for business’ … they no longer are interested in the physical side ie sex so reason why men often look for younger women and as you said the 18.5% of women that are still interested only want men who can function so those men 50+ that have ED or frequent ED need to apply.
Anne
I would really like to know the source of your statistics.
Barb
Kitty,
Interesting. I guess women over a certain age can let negative “statistics” run their lives, or they can simply choose to be HAPPY. Happy people without expectations are also “statistically” more able to find love.
Anonymous
I became a widower in 2008 after nearly 20 years of marriage to my same age partner. She died just after our 50th birthday. We had sons ages 14 and 16 in the home. She died of breast cancer. I had not dated much prior to my marriage primarily due to my career demands in a family business. But I enjoyed being a family man.
I started going out about a year after becoming a widower. My wife had two children from prior marriage who were outraged. Our two sons were ok with me going off. I would not call it dating at first. Looking back, I was learning to breathe again.
Some women were mean. I am an inherently monogamous person, but several women had casual sexual relations with prior lovers while showing serious interest in me. One lady asked me to work on her computer and while there, discovered her midnight escapades, sometimes after I dropped her off from an evening.date.
One received a call on her phone machine while I sat in living room and she in her bathroom inquiring if I had left yet and to call, he was circling the block.
One called me late one evening, drunk, to tell me she missed me. I had gone camping with my sons. She was a Sunday school teacher. I went to her house to find her passed out in the floor, door unlocked. We talked.
My point is, it is really confusing out there. Me get mixed signals. Women want a good man, but the don’t seem to be able to rid themselves of some occasional visitors that many men see as a red flag to a long term relationship. Usually a sign of some extended emotional codependency going on involving sex.
I eventually remarried to a wonderful lady. We dated several years.
james
Hi, I am 72, wid0wer, my wife had been sick for 10 years, some time at home, then a Care Home, then a Nursing home. have been for 4 years. I have been out with some ladies, I am amazed. They were or were old enough to be nannies, They are nothing like you would think of a nanner. instead of being 66, they are more likely a 16-18 year old.They appear to have been to the gym for an hour a day! I am not complaining, as I see sometimes 2 or 3 one week, then 4 another week.
Frynn
I’m Lynn and will like to learn more about you and see where it lead…
John
Excellent content. I have ALWAYS been drawn to women older than myself…for all aforementioned reasons.
I’m 36, respectful, cultured, open and very much a giver when it comes to any partner I’ve been with.. which isn’t but 10 or so.
But, if any of you ladies know of any ladies in Treasure Coast Fl that would like to connect and have some fun just email me or contact me 7 7 two 9 nine nine right 1 three 3
Jenn
Really??? Than why bother looking for someone? It’s like finding a needle in a haystack, it’s ridiculous! I may as well buy more dogs at least it’s company!
Wisdom
I could say is hahaha. The grass is greener on the other side. Women get their find fire ants and crabgrass😂 they’re the ones that initiate divorce. Because women are never satisfied. Emotionally sexually . Financially men are never Rich enough. You’re the ones that want to divorce. Hahaha
Debbie
Your wisdom is flawed. Lumping all women into one category is ignorant. I wasn’t the lying, cheating, spouse. I didn’t want divorce and I didn’t ask for it. I did all I could to prevent it. Some men are the ones not satisfied, even when they have a faithful, supportive, loving spouse.
Juliet
I am recently divorced August 2019. I agree. You have to be happy first. It’s hard finding a man my age. 54. Men my age play too many games… smdh. Good luck men with those 40 somethings with young children. Women in their 50’s know what they want…
Ninqui
I am in a verbally abusive relationship and he wants to kick me out all the time because his name is on the house we recently built and my name isn’t on it or the deed. I asked him to put my name on the deed but he never did, I already knew why, control. I want to buy my own house and live worry free. I have even told him to get help and he refuses
Pat
I am a man 60 years old separated 8 months I’m looking for a woman in her mid to upper 50s I’m interested in dating my own age group.
Jeffrey
Kitty, I find this very interesting. I am a 54 year old man in good physical condition that is separated from my wife a year younger than I. I am a very affectionate person and love to hold hand, kiss, watch movies and enjoy sex. I am faithful but my wife has No interested for several years now and its taking a toll on me. Where does this place me as a possible partner if I eventually become single?
RJ
I really enjoyed the replies. The original post was like my worst self talk on my worst days… I just had my 50th birthday and newly single after 10+ years, I do not plan to internet date, although the one trial membership was actually a good experience (… but then I had panic attacks, my ex had used images etc of me to ‘catfish’ and fulfill the more extreme side of his sex addictions, so just too triggering).
Men with ED? that’s just life! So what?!
If they are not freaking out, it’s very easy to still have fun, maybe even more fun as a woman… my first boyfriend had a cycling accident and so veinogenic leakage happened and ED was a thing in my 20s, we still managed quite well. And I still have a very healthy interest.
For the guy, ED or not- creativity is what wins in the long run, at least that is what I have read from therapists. The one man I dated since divorce was able, I am guessing with drugs, and I was a little concerned about his heart health from it!!! I have read that it can be as much fun for the man even without the raging (seemly bothersome hours long) erection… and flushing and dizziness etc.
Confidence and healthy relationships all the way around have been my focus, not the easiest road for sure, but better than bitter.
I am still scared witless sometimes- that I will be alone forever- will be in embarrassing circumstances with men who don’t want me and will cheat with multiple girls (and boys) younger than my youngest daughter (25). The fear that the date will want younger women, deep down and verbalized or not… as the one male at my Covid-19 birthday party was nice enough to explain (jerk!) but my parents were very happily married for decades, and more active sexually than I ever wanted to know lol- mom was 13 years older than dad.
If this is a statistics game, I need to figure out my niche, not give up. And I just escaped a horrific situation with a husband obsessed with younger women/people… if I need to wait forever to get into a healthy relationship, I guess it’s okay.
I am praying that developing myself and my other healthy relationships will be attractive enough. I sure hope so, and I love John Gottman adapted for dating and singles, so it will be authentic if/when.
As my good friend pointed out to me… let that foolish girl have him! If I could have him back would I want that?!? No way, he couldn’t fool me anymore and so he became abusive had to find someone naive enough to lie to.
Not all men who prefer less experienced women are motivated like that, probably very few statistically… but NONE of us deserve feeling less than. There are mature minded and decent men out there, or better to be with the company of friends and alone at night.
Best things about being 50… I have less patience for wasting time in misery! I just survived a narcissist, hospitalizations & surgery, the death of one of my children, relocating with nowhere to go ill & grieving in a pandemic AND now, and now that I’m settled in a good situation… evacuation and the wildfires! Dealing with dating in my 50s feels like another huge challenge, but there are YOUNGER MEN too Jajajaja. My friends enjoy that lol. But I am still holding out for the right situation for me, probably similar age or older.
Hopefully I will be just as plucky in attitude in another year or two. We will see.
Good luck to us all.
J. K.
I find as a widower at 56 that finding a new relationship seems impossible. It may just be that I am hoping to find something close to what I had for 35 years.
Yes it was that great.
I simply don’t want kids, and date someone in their 30’s or early 40’s would feel like I was raising a kid.
I see that for some reason women think a man has an easy time with dating after 50. I don’t find that true in my life. Am I just to picky or what?
Asmodeus
Let’s be honest. There is the clinical and social reality of “50 and furious”: the rise of midlife rage among women. It is the very real result of how single women in this age group are dealing with being single and lonely so late in life. More often these women are recently divorced, empty nesters, and less physically fit and less attractive now. With menopause and reduced libido taking hold, women of this age group are also frequently sexually handicapped and find it difficult to make new physical and sexual connections. The ex-husbands of these “50 and furious” women have most often found a younger woman and this leads to a great deal of jealousy, anger, rage, and distrust directed towards men and even the process of dating. Further working to amplify the “50 and furious” syndrome is the reality that many younger women find men in their 50’s ideal partners and understand the benefits of maturity, sexual knowledge, and economic security which reduces the pool of men available to women in their 50’s and further inflames the aforementioned rage. Hopefully, love will find a way.
Fox
How negative. This comment is so not helpful.
annonymous
Wow that was horrible!!
Sara
I am your age and younger men than me are being attracted to me. Initially when I became single again I gave those men attention, after few dates I found them extremely boring.
Since I had these bad experiences I don’t waste time on men. I simply ignore the attention they give me. Since my separation I had many accomplishments at work and i rebuild my social life as a single woman with many friends.
Some nights I wish I had a great partner but I am not willing to waste my time looking for him.
I am very happy being single. I know I will continue to have great accomplishments with or without a man in my life.
When I think of all the things that I want to do, I left with no time for a man.
I have a son who I have great relationship with. We reads books together and we are interested in the same issues. He gives me great support for all my work accomplishments.
When he will leave the nest I probably will feel lonely, but I will not waste my time looking for a man, because the selection is…..
So don’t feel bad for not finding the one, the selection is very poor. You have to remember that this time what you are looking for is not clear. The first time you wanted husband house and kids. The second time the wants are not that clear and therefore more difficult to find. Also you have to remember that we live in a disposable society if something is not quite right about someone we simply dump him. That makes it more difficult to get to know people.
Don’t give up one day out of the blue when you are least expecting you will meat him. The question will be if you will do something about him or simply let him go.
jim
sara, you sound angry and the time you push it off are lost opportunities, understanding yourself and desires is what you figure out dating. he will see your too independent and feel he is just another one of your accomplishments if you find that person.
Alice
“Sara” is it? English your second language?
Your post says not to give up but is about how you gave up because of you need for constant entertainment rather than compatibility.
You should understand a few things:
Men don’t care about women’s accomplishments, as showing off achievement is masculine. Not amount of education and social status will ever be attractive to a straight man.
You bore easily because YOU are the bore.
You’re raising a boy like a girl, and it might not work out the way you’d like in the end. He’s not a surrogate boyfriend. I have a feeling that no girl is going to be good enough for that poor kid and you’re going to ruin his love life.
If you have no interest in dating, why are you posting here. Attention?
Anonymous
At fifty six and single with kids a decade….each year the pool gets uglier and fatter…..lol! WASTE OF TIME.
Sally
Agree. Lol.
Jeff5555jeff
I’m a genuine person. I’m 56 and I was an iron worker for 30 years. Utah of those I was a steel contractor. I’m honest, and have integrity.
Debbie
Jeff…….Honesty and integrity are so important. I hope you find someone who appreciates you.
Igor
Debbie, you should open an agency. You are so warm and caring that guys would pay $$$ just for hugging you. Love your attitudes, I’m going to hit on all Debbies now hoping that it’s you.
Debbie
That is very sweet, Igor. Thank you for your kind words. I try to look at the good in people and treat them the way I’d like to be treated. It is simple, really.
Sounds like there is not enough love in the world. I like spreading some around in the hopes that one day I will find a nice man to spend my life with who will love me back. It is said that what you put out into the world will come back to you. I’m counting on it.
I’m sending a hug your way!
najevi
Your perspective was a refreshing one to read. I am also 53 and not quite 7 years divorced.
You might count me among the “rare” ones because I have no interest in younger women, but for me it is less about a woman’s age and more about whether or not she has discovered that she doesn’t need me! And by “me” , yes, I mean “us men.” You see, for me I’d much rather be wanted than needed! And I suspect that women feel the same way but am not sure so I am asking here.
But here’s the ironic thing. I also feel great about being single and whilst I reserve the right to change my mind and be “swept off my feet” if the right person happens by and we notice one another, it really is not a priority for me … yet!
That “yet” comes from having my three children (22, 24 and 26) still living in the family home with me. The eldest with her boyfriend of 11 years. I also have an “adopted” daughter living with us although her stay is only temporary and sadly ends very soon, although I suspect she may return again in the not too distant future, perhaps with a partner? To be fair, the middle child is currently trialing living together with the girl who might be “the one”. From time to time they join us for dinners or game nights or just to watch a movie. I view my job at this stage, being to help my three kids save for their first houses. (“Offering a hand up as opposed to a hand out” as has become a popular slogan among politicians in my country.) I derive a lot of pleasure out of sharing my time with five very fine young men and women whom I am proud to call family.
I wonder though if women feel a sense of freedom at a different stage in parenting or age (presumably of their youngest child) than a man does. (Is it when your child finishes high school, graduates university, gets that first job, moves out of the family house, gets married, has a child of their own?) I know that a parent is always bonded to their children and suspect that bond is maybe stronger for a mother than for a father, but at what stage do you reckon a single mother feels free of her parenting responsibility?
My youngest is still at university and has chosen to take a marathon runner’s approach to completing what will be 8 years of study to culminate in his PhD. So I feel free of any responsibilities of children even though I know that I have some “power freeloaders” still living at home with me. They are not charged rent per-se but they do know that they must fend for themselves when it comes to personal supplies and that their “rent” is to shop for, prepare and serve one evening meal a week for the entire household. (Some weeks I have slackers for varying reasons but on balance they do what is expected of them – they are good house mates!) They are a pleasure to be around and not a burden even though I sometimes get ticked off when I feel one of them is not pulling their weight as they ought to.
For me that sense of freedom came around about the time that my youngest explained his strategy for completing his undergraduate, masters, PhD course of study. He put my mind at ease that although his timetable is not the timetable I would have chosen at the same age it is what he is comfortable with and what he is confident about. I know that he will land on his feet even if he encounters a setback.
So tell me, if you please, is there an age (say of your youngest child) when a mother feels truly free enough of the responsibilities of her children such that she can justify to herself some “me time” to perhaps find fun with a new partner? (or perhaps for those of you lucky enough to be still married to your best friend, then to rediscover fun with that existing partner?)
Also, am I being naive to think that there are indeed some self-sufficient, confident divorcee’s “out there” who can honestly say that you don’t need a man but do want a particular man? … and whatever benefits the two of you might agree to include within that relationship?
Liberty
What a kind, noble Father you are! I’am a 51 young at “heart” women. I have a 22 year old son at Uof I and a daughter who is a senior in H.S. Still deciding on colleges.
I devoted my life to my children, and have no regrets. It is time for me. With or without. Silence is “golden” just rediscovering who I’am and is meant to be in this stage of my life. I wish you peace and companionship she’s out there, and she be a “lucky” gal to find you!
God speed
Derrick
Really get to know a person , feeling he you on that
Rose
Well, I may not need a man to rescue me financially or help raise children, but I not only need a partner, I want a partner. What do I need? Hugs, physical touch, someone to touch in the night, it is a very lonely place without the very thing many of us divorced people took for granted. You cannot buy genuine intimacy, that must come from give and take. So yes, I have the career, the stability, the grown children, but I would be at my finest with a friend and lover beside me, a strong man.
JESHURUM
Well look no further sweet I’m YOUR MAN! I’ve been alone now for 4 years after being in a,very toxic and crazy 7 year relationship and it took me all this time to heal. Now I want to be your loving companion and friend and live with you in harmony, love, understanding, and just being there for you to hold you tight and embrace you on all your lonely nights!
Justme
Well said. I feel the same way
John Q. Smithh
At least you are truthful. I hate women who say I want a man but don’t need a man. Face it, we all want what you said if we are healthy normal people.
Starlight
What would you “hate” that a woman doesn’t say she needs a man? What would she need him for, anyway?
Wanting is not the same as needing.
JH
I am in my 50’s, WAS married to the LOVE OF MY LIFE…….I don’t understand this “I want to be wanted, not needed” thought process…..I have ALWAYS been independent (from a young age)…I WAS a planner…..my Plans were to work until I was around 30 and then get married…..I had NEVER “been in love”…..I graduated at 17, met my husband….fell hard….was married for 30 plus years…..marriage is give and take….but when he told me he wanted me plus his girlfriend-UM NOOO…. I don’t know what women you mean….when u say: at what age, stage, whatever a woman feels like she can have ME time again……once my daughter got her DL…..I continued to do (what I call all of the mom things and loved doing those things……watching her cheer….we were, I call it lucky that my daughter and her boyfriend (s) liked to do things with us…..spending time at the lake, vacationing, but my husband and I throughout our marriage had our “weekend romantic getaways “…..when she graduated and started college…..we traveled……she wasn’t raised to be a “needy person “…..as for the ladies in their 50’s who say men in there 50’s don’t want them the same way….. I have started wearing a wedding ring again and I, too have been mistaken to be in my 40’s….lately I have said I am in my 60’s!….lol…… I rescued a dog and if u don’t know how to do something, take classes….AM HONESTLY CURIOUS WHY A WOMAN WOULD NEED A MAN…..seriously, please reply…..that is the First time I have heard that???
David
Good. Just continue to be honest to tell all men to avoid you unless they also do not want a sexual relationship. Wish all women were that honest!
Jack
You’re one of those parents who can’t kick the young birds out of the nest. They’re spending their salaries on toys while you pay the bills. I assure you they’re not “saving money to one day get their own place.”
You even let them shack up with their boyfriends on your dime. Pathetic. You’re doing them no favors.
0rion
Thanks for posting this, Linda. I’m a 51yo man, and I really can’t disagree with your assessment (though the strokes are quite broad). After divorce, some strange realizations are surely in store for both sexes. One is how much your dating pool has shrunk since you were last looking for love. Another is how poorly most Americans have been taking care of themselves. Unlike most (I think) people dating after 40, I set about educating myself thoroughly about how attraction is created in both sexes, so as to put my very best self forward. This gave me a stronger sense of self, a stronger sense of masculinity and how to express it, and a stronger sense of where women are coming from (and the cues they naturally give us). What continues to surprise me is what little effort is put forth in general by the age appropriate women, in all venues combined, to meet. An attractive woman in her 20s may sit coyly and bat her eyes, and merely select her choice of suitor from the ensuing male attention. That’s her MO, and none of us should begrudge it of her. But what are the 40s and 50s women thinking? I think a lot of them give it the old college try with the young-girl MO; it doesn’t work, and she gives up. She doesn’t go to the wine bar (it’s mainly 30-somethings); she seldom attends the singles events. And even more rarely does she reach out first online, or even scout men’s profiles (a nice equivalent for glancing his way at a party). In my experience, she is not putting herself out there. Perhaps her excuses have become self-fulfilling. But why should I give up? It could be that women in their 40s and 50s are lost in finding their role in this new age of dating. What do you think?
David
It is because women beyond menopause are not interested in men – I do not understand why this so difficult – there is so much information out there to support this very common knowledge
stats
I don’t know where kitty got her stats and they seem a little too low to be realistic, but there are statistics that would strongly imply 50+ women would have a hard time finding someone especially if they have kept the same high standards they had when they were in there 20s. Just look up marriage statistics provided by the census. Once women hit 50 they outnumber men and it gets progressively worse each passing year. In the USA there are 20-25% more unmarried women than unmarried men in their 50s. At 60 that % increases to 100 ie. 2 women for every man. So if a women thinks sitting around waiting for prince charming is a good strategy, time is not your friend, so good luck with that!
Jojo
I really feel this is too negative. As a 55 year old woman, it doesn’t correspond with my experience at all. I have kept in shape and work and looking good and being kind and interesting, positive not jaded. In the real world and online, I have men from mid 40s onward interested. Most are around my age. I haven found the right one yet, but I see a lot of similar ages people getting together (even though men and some women dream about getting someone much younger). Let’s not dwell on some negative statistics (which are informed by different things — some women don’t want partners, some women don’t get married but are in relationships, statistics become outdated by the time they are compiled), etc. And let’s remember, we have to have good qualities to offer men, too.
aha
I ‘m not attracted to the much older dudes (expect when I was 20-25 yrs old, but that ‘stage’ went away quickly!) And just a thought of being together with a man 10-15 + years older seems little too much!! I guess any age gap that is too big, will eventually ‘suck the life out’ of the younger counterpart, so go for equal !!!
RJ
Jojo!
Thank you, I really like your point about the statistics. I went online tonight looking for articles to give tips and ways to make the best of my situation.
It is hard, different reasons for different people, but so much is in the attitude. This helps. Things haven’t been as great as when I dated before, but it’s not total doom and gloom. Accentuate and develop the positive, that is my attempt, and your words help.
BENJAMIN JACK WOMACK
I am 52 male and have two small children 6 and 3 I am widowed it’s very hard at my age to find a date of any kind . The dating pool is none existent when you have kids at my age any suggestions
Jb
You are to old to have kids that young anyway. Now that your fascination with your young thang is over. You’re looking for an older mature woman to help raise them. Screw that.. I don’t deal with men with young kids…especially grandpa figures.
Ann Marie
Try to meet women who also have young children. We are out here and looking for the same thing. Life stage is equally important as age. It gives you context and understanding of each other’s current challenges.
Joanne
There are many women that would love to get to know a man who is widowed with small children, including myself. I’ve never had children of my own, have always wanted them, so I would absolutely welcome a man’s children with all my heart.
Mary
Hang in there! You will find someone if you stay positive and take good care of yourself. It doesn’t matter that you have young kids…I know a dad in his fifties with two young daughters which he had custody of because the mother was sadly mentally ill. He is remarried to a lovely younger woman and their family has now grown to four children. I think the odds are in your favor but you have to stay positive, be a good companion and have a sense of humor. Be affectionate without being “needy” and you’ll find plenty of gals who will adore you! It is obvious you succeeded before and you will again…age is only a number.
xyz
You’re toast Ben.
Kayfabe
What about early 40s, never been married and zero children, do not want children ever, and do not care whether or not I ever marry, or just have a years long relationship unmarried? Thats a category of people I know for women, myself included. Not everyone wants kids. Not all women get married either. I am perfectly happy as is.
bbyam
like that you are ok and happy,it can be even better with a partner
Sher
That’s my situation, too, but with a twist. I’m 53, never been married, no kids, and have had both casual and long-term relationships with men. Pretty, educated, and started a great career at 48 (one that keeps me hopping, even on weekends, so, yes, a bit hard to plan things – I’m a realtor).
I was highly sexual, until menopause hit at 48, and then I took a three-year break from dating. My recent guy and I ended things just last week. He’s 54, handsome, kind, and also never been married, nor had children. Unfortunately, and to my great dismay, that three-year break resulted in extremely painful sex, which I only discovered when he and I tried, only a handful of times. We just couldn’t make it work. Still best friends, and “companions”, but my body feels like it’s betrayed me. I still look lovely, having just lost 30 pounds. Am a very small size six, 125-130 pounds, long blonde hair, and feel terrific about how I look! Unfortunately, though, I’m afraid to get sexual, because it’s so, so painful. WTF?!? The me from 10 years ago would be shocked. I LOVED sex. Now, it just plain scares me. I’m afraid this pain will last. Damn it! I think my dating life has come to a sad end…
Barbara
Look into bioidentical hormone replacement. 🙂
Been there
I’m not 50 yet and my kids have been out of home for some time having had them young, but I would never go out with an older man. You’re right about the older men chasing younger women, except we aren’t real competition because we don’t want them, they aren’t attractive to us physically, have nothing in common, don’t always have themselves together as you’d expect an older man to and any illussions about maturity and security quickly dissapear when you see he’s fetishised youth (not to mention the more complicated life factors and the control issues men who want younger often have). You want someone who cares about you, not who sees you as an accessory.
Unfortunately it’s been my dating life story that men have seen me as just that, like they’re shoping, kicking the tyres, always looking for a better deal. Too young, too old, too fat, too thin, make to much money, don’t make enough, too “needy”, not needy enough. I have always been too much of one thing or not enough of it, lets face it men don’t know what they want, I’m not going to jump through hoops to be this weeks flavour of the month for a guy who has zero character.
Men have never seen me as a human being and that’s why I’ve been single 20 years after divorcing my ex, no one cared enough to engage with me when I tried to connect, they were too busy assessing the outside packaging and cruching the what’s in it for them numbers. I’ve met very few good men.
In my 20s they wanted sex, in my 30s they wanted babies (I’d already had a family and no one cared enough to get to know me before they threw “I want babies” on the table, it made me feel like a walking womb), in my 40s the kids are at it with the derogatory “older woman” thing and old men are making my skin crawl with their leering and whiplash rubbernecking when I walk down the street, while the men my age are busy having nervous breakdowns, going on ego rampages and lashing out, it’s like men have all suddenly gone nuts. Can we all finally agree men are fundamentally defective?
I think this is the last of it for me, I’m exhausted, trying to keep up with what I’m supposed to be has worn me out and what’s the prize now? I get to babysit or play nursemaid to a noxious loudmouth drunk who can’t pay his own bills? Sounds like even more fun. After everything Ive done, succeeded at and been through thats my value? Paying to be a nanny. Any wonder the world is in such a mess. Thing is about the only thing that has changed about me since my 30s is my age, I look the same (and I was doing promo work, you don’t get those jobs unless you have a young look) but I’m suddenly not good enough for the dating scene idiots because of a number on my birth certificate?
Looking around women are doing pretty well for themselves without the guys, and the guys are a train wreck. Does this mean it’s easier for men and they can take their pick? No it means even good men have to make compromises because so many of us girls have got jack of it all and taken ourselves off the market to focus on things that (unlike dating) are rewarding. The population numbers may favour the guys slightly but it doesn’t mean those women are available, especially if they have young children and have prioritized them (or from the other side of the fence as I’ve heard charming men say of single/divorced mothers “I’d f*** it, I wouldn’t marry it”) the actual pool of eligable women (who want to date and who men also apparently consider datable) is very small. It’s still men who blow up womens inboxes and chase because in spite of their cocky attitude they still have to.
Age is only an issue in theory, at 50 the numbers are only slightly skewed in mens favour, considering advances in medicine, OH&S and the job equality when women now do dangerous jobs the men used to by the time todays 50yo is 80 that gap may not change all that much. Considering globalization, immigration, the rising 3rd world and how the favouring of boy babies in some cultures has left their population short of women it may even swing the other way for the following generatons. I already know women my age and older who have married well educated, attractive and well rounded Asian and Indian men and they are very happy. A few have married younger men as well with the same result, those men seem to try more to make a good relationship.
It gets to a point where you’re doing your own thing and kicking goals only for guys to hover looking awkward and you think “remind me why do I need a man again?” I’m of the mindset unless someone shows me how much better my life would be with him in it or he blows my mind I really am better off without it.
Jane
Love your story here, you made me laugh so much and as a mother of two men turning 20 I just hope I’ve trained them better.
Jb
Woowee….ty …hit the nail on the hammer.
Anonymous
To Been There:
As I read your lengthy dissertation on how sorry men are – I couldn’t help but think – why are you so bitter? Apparently, you were the leavee and not the leaver in your marriage. I was also the leavee and did not want a divorce, nor believe that God would support the dissou lution of the marriage of 33 years that only he could have orchestrated from the beginning. I feel like you need to further examine your attitude moving forward. If not, you have a high probability of your life ending single and alone. Don’t kidd yourself, we were not put on this earth to be alone! Make no mistake about it. Your right about one thing though: There are not a lot of good men out there in the 50 plus population. Hell, i’m not even sure if I am “one” of them or not. I would like to think I can still find love again at any age. I’m 59, educated, and financially comfortable. Kids are grown and married, so I only have myself to take.care of for the first time since 18. Would you like to meet me? William
shawna
Well said. Divorce can leave either bitter(leavee/leavor).
its a choice, life goes on IF you let it.
im an independant woman(52) own my property take care of me, my kids are gone all but 1. Its still hard to find a country guy, not just a booty call.
Im lookin for dailey companion for long term say 35 yrs plus.
wish me luck.
Been there
William, don’t confuse bitterness with anger, men hitting on women young enough to be their daughter (and I am young enough to be yours) will encounter a lot of it, it’s unwelcome and irritating.
ana
@ Been there… i completely agree that many (NOT all!) men missing the ‘father’ element in them – especially when they see young women, who would fit to their daughter (or even granddaughter) – they do not act with a respectful warmth, care and realisation that they are out their league decades ago, but try to act like they are still ‘young dudes’… They don’t even realise that it may be rather offensive towards any young girl, who doesn’t even know how to handle that old fool!
It is no wonder that women who have witnessed these delusional types has no respect towards men in general and keep spreading that bad reputation..!(although not all the same, there are still good /with common sense men out there!)
Tarvest
Sounds like they might be better off without you as well. Your cynicism is palpable.
Been there
If it’s the dirty old men who are always under my feet you’re refering to that works for me, they were the intended target of my anger, sounds like I hit the mark.
J
Amen Sister ?
Tara
Damn, you are my mentor. I am still just in my 30s but hope I will be like you when I’m older… Recently passed my expiration date of 35 according to a certain subset of male douchebags… In a relationship right now but feel insecure thinking my guy is probably f***ing his early 20 something coworkers or other younger women in his circle… He talks about how they flirt with him and want him all the time. Thinking maybe I should just dump him. I may have more confidence single. Being with someone makes me feel insecure… I want to be free, confident, happy, and proud. Men make me feel the opposite of all these things… I don’t hate them, but I do hate how they make me feel bad about myself even when I bend over backward to be good to them… What the fuck is wrong with them?!
Joanne
When you meet the right one … YOU WILL KNOW! This came from my aunt who loved and adored her husband. She said there was no question, she just knew he was THE ONE. It’s good your questioning your relationship. Time will tell. Listen to your heart.
Mary
You’re young, sugar pie! Dump that asshole!
Wake
OK I think that will help to get a nice affront on this debate
It’s always easy to play the men and women are bad, and of course they are
Mary
That was so funny and yet wise and true. The only way to find yourself in a “great” relationship is to love and look out for yourself first. If you do that, you’ll be happy with or without a partner.
Tony M
It’s over for you, you’re too damaged, not too old. You must have grown up in West Virginia? Where the men are men and the sheep are nervous. Sorry about your luck. You’re to thoughtful, intelligent to get so stuck. We are pigs, oink, oink.
Spring Hill Frank
Well, Been There, I am a 50yo man that feels the same way…I’ve been reading articles for what seems like forever about this. An article in the Huffpost even went so far as to encourage women to go after much younger men, can you imagine if someone wrote an article like that encouraging 50yo men to go after 20something women? That author would be attacked immediately. The odds suck for all of us I guess…as to needing a man or needing a woman I hope all of us don’t NEED a man or a woman, but a partner to share life with really does make life better.
David Dods
Holey Moley – biiter much !! Haha
Just please stay away from me!
david
Wow! Bitter much!? – lol
Real Talk from Younger Woman
To Been There:
Your post is the best of all!! This is coming from a younger woman who accidently stumbled upon this site. All older men and “charming” men should realize that women in their 20s and 30s are not looking for them for long term partnering. Not even short term in most instances. A lot of older men do not have their stuff together as they should. Even the ones who have it together financially seems not to have anything else to offer other than that. I will pass on the older guy as he really, really needs to start looking at women his own age. There is nothing worse than a 50s, 60s, and 70s yo male chasing a woman in her 30s. No daddy issues on this end, guys from 30 to 45 only.
Jb
I’m 50 yrs old almost 51 and have absolutely no problem attracting men. At one time I had no less than 15 male friends between ages of 44-56 in my phone. Some I met personally…some on dating site…others school mates. All very interested in having a serious relationship. Me being a gemini and freshly out of a 22 yr marriage is in no hurry for anything serious. The key ladies is having self confidence in yourself. Then again I look nowhere near 51…I look no older than 35. I’m fit…size 6. .shapely. .exercise and a pescatarian. Good genes runs in my family I guess. My 31 yr old daughter still get ID’s for lottery tickets and look 18. So ladies…like a gentleman told me. Never step out of the house without looking your best because you never know who you might meet. That doesn’t mean heels and a face full of makeup…I wear just a little bit of makeup. It means looking as SEXY and attractive as possible.
Mike McCain
This is such a wise posting.
I’m a male in my mid 50’s. I dated attractive women a few years either side of my age. I found my wonderful gsl. I love her to pieces.
As stated…I’m a male. We are attracted to fit, good looking females. That is a given. I really dont care about your successes in life, where you have travelled, etc. ‘if’ you dont fulfill this basic requirement. I have male friends…I don’t need a ‘friend’. I want and desire a ‘hot babe’ who is a ‘beep’ in bed. If she is my age and can reminisce about toys from the 1960’s…that’s a plus.
Beyond this? Someone who has enthusiasm in life and has energy. Who says a 50 year old female can’t climb a tree and share a popsicle? This is what many males and female ‘don’t get’. I can sill climb that tree and my favorite wine flavour is ‘purple’…not Chardonnay. I like to crank the car stereo up and play 70’s music when zipping down the road to go for a hike…where, I expect a 50 year old woman can still keep up with me.
I’m not 25 but neither of us is ‘dead’. I’m not immature because I have no desire to mow the grass on Saturday evening rather than go dancing at a club with very loud music. I very much will want to feel my partner’s boob when driving there. I expect that shewill get a bit of a thrill from it.
I’m a responsible scientist. I spend a good chunk of my life being respondible. I’m financially responsible. Never smoked. Never tried drugs. Never been out of shape. However, I really want a relationship in which my partner is foremost my ‘girlfriend’ and she acts that way. She can be my wife, partner, etc. But she wants to hold hands, smooch in the movie theatre and never turns some opportunity because ‘its late and I have to get up in the morning’.
Ariel
I would like to meet you Mike McCain! How very well thought out, and presented. It’s not simply staying in ‘shape’ it’s being, and feeling, young enough to climb that tree or go running in the rain, falling to the ground together and letting go!! To remember though, not all people do that even in their twenties/thirties, but I did, and at 49, I still do it all; still move up, down, and sideways, without even thinking about it, still have oodles of spark and laughter, and FUN. Maybe we all get too serious as we get older? Not me, but that’s not on purpose, I have always been this way…
Realistic Woman
This is great! I enjoyed reading your story Mike.
The first impression is the lasting one, and as such, it is the reality that we judge first by looks. None of us will really nonchalantly look at a man/woman and wonder about their successes and where they have been if they don’t possess the very things (outer appearances) that we find them attractive. So, it is important for single folks looking for partners/lovers to make sure to stay groomed and physically fit, especially leaving your house. And as you navigate through the relationship with your loved one, it should be a promise you make to each other to stay relatively fit and attractive. You can’t give up! The way you take care of yourself is an indicative of how you feel about yourself.
Good luck Mike and everyone!
EyesWideOpen
“At one time I had no less than 15 male friends between ages of 44-56 in my phone….All very interested in having a serious relationship.”
Not surprising at all to this 50-something guy. Statisticians may tell us that the number of single 50-something women outnumber single 50-something men, however, it just seems to me from lengthy observation & experience that single, physically fit, good-looking guys in that age range far outnumber similarly aged women with like characteristics.
Wayne
I would have to agree with your post ,seems only a small percentage of women have and do take care of their bodies, I guess some of us are lucky to be able to eat almost any amount of good food and not gain weight and as some woman said in an earlier post ,good Gene’s ate a factor as each person ages at a different rate.
ShedatearcauseI'mmissingyou
I am in my mid 40s and have been in an unhappy marriage for many years. I must be one of those rare men because I find women in their 50s mentally stimulating therefore attractive. Once I can end my marriage I most likely will not date a woman younger than in her late 40s. Older women, for the most part, have life experience and know what they want. The maturity they bring with them is what I seek. They compliment my desire to grow and be a wiser man than I was yesterday. They offer so much outside of the bedroom which makes the whole relationship to be built on more solid grounds. I am fit and attractive but I would never be fooled by the beauty without maturity which is something many young women lack. For the time being I just have to be patient until the time is right.
Mila
Lots of interesting perspectives. I am 62 and separated. One shoe really does not fit all. After 8 months I am finally at the stage where I accept my life going forward is going to be vastly different. And that is it, just different not better not worse only different. It is totally up to me to live my life happily. Whether I will ever share my life again with someone is not really a concern of mine. If it happens fine, if not fine too. I was always independent and will continue to remain independent. I will start dating, whether it leads to a meaningful relationship or not doesn’t matter. Each new person I meet has something new to offer. I am not bitter, I feel for my ex-husband who now sports a tattoo. Kind of sad when you still have to find yourself over 60. Life has a lot to offer and I plan to take full advantage of it. Life is good, whether you are 30,40,50 or 60+ just adapt your outlook on life. But never ever become defeated or bitter. Here’s to life, live it!
BTW – I am in shape and do consider myself attractive – but I do not think being attractive and in shape defines me 🙂
Michele
What I am up against is this: I have a full, satisfying life as a single (divorced 5 years) woman, but I want a loving partnership with a significant other. I have had two relationships since my divorce which didn’t work out, just not men who were truly emotional available. I am having a hard time meeting men my age who are interested in women my age, as the author states. Unlike her, however, I am not fully happy in my life without a relationship and don’t know how to reconcile that. I am in therapy.
Sophie19
I agree that it seems to be much harder for women over 50 – or over 40 actually – to find men who are their equals AND who are interested in a serious relationship with them. I see so many woman over 40 who are smart, attractive, well-educated, successful, emotionally mature, financially solvent, and have great personalities, but who get involved with men who have few or none of these qualities, or who treat them terribly. It seems like these women feel that at least this is better than being alone.
What puzzles me is that – given a surplus of smart, attractive, together women over 40 – why don’t more women get together with other women? It seems logical, and research has showed that a large percentage of women are bisexual to some degree. It may be a challenging adjustment after a lifetime of heterosexuality, but to me it seems worth it for women to be able to get a higher quality partner. There have been reports that there is indeed an increasing trend for women to switch to same-sex relationships in midlife, and I hope it continues to grow! It seems to me that this would solve most of the problem.
Starlight
We are talking about erotic relationships here, not friendship or “companionship”. I would never seek or accept an erotic relationship with a woman because I am simply not interested in women sexually.
Debbie
I agree with you, Starlight. After being in intimate relationships with men all of my adult life there is no way I could have an intimate relationship with a woman. I am just not interested in women that way, and I like what I can have with a man.
Old Man
A’s a man in his mid 50’s dating a woman in her mid 30’s, I will tell you the reason.
There years ago I became single, I had this woman around my age who was very keen to go out with me. I told her Ilike her but I have one rule, that is we split the bill on the first date. She quickly told me she expects a man to pay for her & threatened to find another man willing to pay. For the next few weeks she was still hinting she like me but she would not bend on her sexist issue of self entitlement. I told her if she don’t meet me half way, then she would be waiting a long time
Next week I asked this girl out who was 20 years younger than me & I told her that I expect a woman to meet me half way on a date. She agreed & we split the bill. On the second daterm she asked me out & paid for me. On the third date I paid for her & on the 4th date we had hot sex.
Three years later we are still together & I never had to put up with these sexist game’s the woman in her mid 50s came up with.
I would never go out with an old woman again, they are to sexist.
Mary
Don’t paint older women with a broad brush. I’d be more than happy to pay my way and so would a lot of other older gals. Good luck with that young gal you found, enjoy it while it lasts.
Skip
Ironically, if I ask a “girl” out, I have no problem paying for the date; shows I’m serious and not a cheapskate 😉
Debbie
You’re a real gentleman, Skip!
It may be a little old fashioned, but I prefer the original method of courtship. I don’t have a sense of entitlement and I pay my way for many, many things, but I like a man to be a man. Nothing wrong with a little chivalry, even in this day and age. Down the road if the relationship turns into something meaningful I don’t mind doing my share of paying for dinner and other activities.
Kudos to you, Skip!
anie
@old man, you talk something about ‘sexism’ and ‘old women’s’ thinking…!! It is NOT about age, or bill, or sexism – it is EVERYTHING about your expectations, manners ad values!! It said A LOT about you, BUT nothing much about your dates, except some woman have higher expectations and some have lower expectations from a date they date… I personally wouldn’t even date a man who would insist to split the bill on the first date( would probably pay it all and give him money for the next date, to not embarrass himself!) NOT because he is obviously a poor chap, but because – if he doesn’t even make an effort in the VERY beginning of relationship, don’t expect much from him when time will go on… simple!
Sue
Mila, I love what you’ve said here!!
“Life has a lot to offer and I plan to take full advantage of it. Life is good, whether you are 30,40,50 or 60+ just adapt your outlook on life. But never ever become defeated or bitter. Here’s to life, live it!
BTW – I am in shape and do consider myself attractive – but I do not think being attractive and in shape defines me ?”
I couldn’t agree more! You have to reach for the best in life for YOU! I may not be the best pic-ken’s out there as far as looks are concerned but..for my age I look OK and am told by men, women and of course, ..my old trusty mirror! but..even better than that I know I’ve something to offer even friends, a listening ear, companionship, and and a desire to have a bit of fun in life. Doesn’t have to take me anywhere at all, just a good time for awhile in this thing we call life! Kudos to all!!!
robert
Selfish and vain people has no gender restriction. I am in my 50s, divorced a few. Years(my choice). Been told I look a bit like Tony danza. Super spiritual and pretty much have my act together. Tough to met a “together” woman of ANY age! The younger ones want adventure and sex, the older ones are scarred and want you to be the one that “saves the day”
Debbie
Robert…..I am neither selfish nor vain, and I don’t need my day saved. Is there even such a thing? I just really miss intimacy and male companionship. When you meet a good, kind man who has a sense of humor, life can be a lot of fun. Being with someone spiritual is even more icing on the cake for me because I am very spiritual myself. Sure I have scars, but they don’t stop me from moving forward and believing I can have something meaningful again with a man.
It will happen when the time is right. Believe that. I hope you find what you are looking for!
Jeff
When women say “details of my divorce aren’t really important,” it means she cheated on her husband.
Wake
Jeff, no way of knowing that, she may just not want to share the details
Confirmed Bachelor
I hope everyone finds who or what they seek. I’m 56, divorced 15 years, and my children are grown and married. I spent 18 really terrible years married to a real harpie. I was her second husband. Even my mother-in-law and brother-in-law apologized to me on a nearly continuous basis for the way she treated me. My attorney asked me how in the world I was able to hang in there until my children were old enough to decide who they wished to live with. I answered “PXB”. He asked what the hell that was, that he needed some. I said, “Paxil, Xanax and Bourbon. Lots of bourbon.”
I dated (half-heartedly) for a few years. The oldest woman was 58, and the youngest 28. I’ve dated Vietnamese, Russian, British and Colombian women. An attorney, a banker, a respiratory therapist, computer programmer, graphic artist, dancers (not ballet). I was semi-engaged three separate times…and called it off. Why? Drama, stress and expense. Women, in my experience, want to run the relationship. Many men, like me, reach a point in their lives where they just don’t want to spend all their time arguing, negotiating and compromising. Of course, relationships require compromise at times, that goes without saying. But we don’t want someone who’s going to challenge us on everything. Nor do we want a Stepford Wife. I stopped dating 7 years ago, and I don’t miss it. I guess I value peace of mind and peace and quiet more than a piece of anything else. Sure, it gets lonely sometimes, but all I have to do is think about how married life was, and I suddenly feel pretty damn good!
Tony M
Exactly, I’m with you! I’m a slow learner too! Life is good without drama.
doublej118
What BS! I’m in my 50’s with a good job, I stay in shape and keep myself fit and find it impossible to meet woman!
AZ Native
Well now…
So I’m reciently divorced after twenty two years of marriage, I loved my wife and being married but unfortunately after our youngest son went off to collage, she decided that it was time for her to move on with her life without me… So now at 58 years old I find myself alone. I know that there is somone out there for me I just need to find her, I’m not bitter over the divorce and I am doing pretty well financially but I want somone to share my life with. I have no interest in younger women but it’s pretty hard to find women my age (where do you gals hide?) so just let you know their are gentlemen out here looking for you!
Anonymous
What a great thread. Here’s one for you:
I just turned 50 this week (gulp). I’ve never been married and have no kids (I’ll give you a minute to process all your judgements:) By choice, I have not been dating now for 3-4 years (take another minute). Just got busy as well as tired of it all like many of you. Now, at 50, I want to get back on the horse and try again but am fully aware that a man who has never been married and has no kids probably gives me about a .0001% percent chance of success, right. I get it.
I am extrememly fit, active, and my friends all say that I am a really good man. I’m financially stable, am a one woman man, and have no skeletons in my closet. I’m obviously far from perfect as well. I’ve traveled much of the world and have had some amazing experiences. I am honestly NOT attracted to younger women (below 40), and would love to meet a woman with/without kids as I am great with them. (btw, science has proven that the optimal age difference in couples for longevity is 9 years. Look it up, don’t take my word for it). I don’t have kids because I was too busy traveling the world while I was younger, smart enough to not just ‘knock up’ anyone, and well, time just literally got away from me. I have dated many wonderful women in my life that wanted to settle down with me but frankly, I was too stupid. Now, I am 50 and ‘reality check’: the world has changed and doesn’t care anymore. Communication between people has gone to sh&t due to technology, online dating(inorganic) has somehow become the new normal, and genders are jumping ship because ‘swiping’ one direction or the other is a lot easier then actually ‘working’ towards anything anymore…..or so it all seems. Complimenting someone on how they look is now offensive, striking up a conversation with someone in public is unheard of, and my favorite….opening a door for a lady can be seen as…wait for it…sexist.
Wow, we have actually let all this happen to us. We should all be ashamed. (Oh, and I’m a liberal too!(knew some of you would get a kick out of that:))
I want a relationship, period. I want to meet a woman and have the last first kiss I’ll ever have. I don’t want to die alone and I’ll never be so naive to champion independence over the biological need to connect. I believe a lot of people have a hard wake up call coming in their later lives! I had to go years of being single focusing on other things to realize this.
Ladies, there are a LOT of good men out there and everything they say is not wrong. Gentlemen, there are a LOT of great women out there who are not man haters. But doesn’t it seem like we are all just getting in our own way! Seriously! Hasn’t our culture just made it normal with taking (biology in this case) and making it as difficult as it can be? Isn’t that the new American way…If I say the sky is blue, you say no it is not. Am I wrong? Expectations have become impossible for anyone to live up to. An easier way is obviously just a swipe away, right!? It seems no matter what a man or woman says or does, it’s wrong. Yes, biology is biology, and the more we fight it with all the upending of ‘everything’, we are all just going to keep running away from each other. Since all this chaos started only about 15 years or so ago(technology), I can’t wait to read all the research in the future showing epidemic levels of suicide and depression in this country. Oh wait, its already there:)
If we all just (and I realize how silly this is to say as I type it) get back to respecting each other and appreciating what each gender has to offer, we might have a chance at NOT becoming the most disconnected culture on earth.
That said, I’m not giving up as I get back on this horse. I’ll find her and she’ll find me.
I leave you with this: Think of the times you felt that utter sense of pure giddiness and joy….was it after your 197th Yoga class? Was it after you bought that super cool sportscar? Or maybe it was when you finally got your degree at 47? I’m gonna guess that if you are able to be really honest with yourself, few things in life made you feel the way you did when you met someone new(at any age) and there was true chemestry between the two of you. That, my frustrated friends, is how you know that anything less then love is just an excuse:)
But, what do I know:)) Happy hunting:)
Debbie
Anonymous……great post. It gives me hope.
I too just turned 50. No kids. I would love a relationship again. I went through a painful divorce 7 yrs ago I did not want after a 19 yr relationship. I then met a nice man who passed away after only two yrs together. It has been 5 yrs since I’ve been with someone and I really miss the companionship.
I’ve had terrible luck with online dating. No responses from the men I was interested in, lies on profiles, engaged men still with active profiles, etc. Most want someone younger and who have a fat bank account. That route is not for me.
I’m attractive and height/weight proportionate, look 10 yrs younger than my age, down to earth, intelligent, funny, affectionate, and loyal. I don’t judge what someone does for a living or what type of car they drive. I just want a kind man to share my life with, someone who makes me laugh, and someone who is attentive and not afraid to be chivalrous for the hopeless romantic “me”.
It has not been easy, but reading your post and those of the other men in their 50’s who just want the real deal without all the BS has given me hope that there are still men out there who want someone like me in their life without all the games. And who don’t mind that I am their age!
Thank you for posting!
Debbie
Seriously Anonymous….are you even real? I keep reading your post and it’s evident that we share the same views on life and that is not something I find often in men today. You are so right in that technology has made a big difference in how we communicate and meet people. While it can offer convenience, it can also be cold and impersonal. I find so little satisfaction in it.
The world has changed and so many are self-centered and materialistic. Being with someone special doesn’t have the sacredness it used to. It’s too easy to move on and find someone else when situations are not quite right. Not many want to put the effort into a relationship, and no relationship survives without work. It’s easy to keep things casual. I’m an old fashioned girl who longs for the way it used to be. I want meaning and real love in my relationship.
You are absolutely right. There is nothing quite like having that chemistry with someone, knowing your partner has your back and will stand by you no matter what. It’s a rare thing these days it seems, especially the older you get. I can tell you right now that I have never felt as connected and peaceful to the core of my being as when in the arms of my partner. Just being quiet together is like nothing else in the world. Deep down don’t we all want to feel a deep connection with another living soul?
I am a spiritual person and I think we were given this precious gift of connection with others as a reminder of the deep connection we have with our Creator. It’s the closest thing to heaven we will ever have on earth, beating out by far our feelings after the 197th Yoga class, buying the new sportscar, or getting the degree at 47. When you are close to someone you love with your entire heart and soul you aren’t even thinking about all the non-essential stuff in life, and most things are indeed non-essential.
If only we all could see the gift we choose to squander and minimize. The world would be such a better place. There would be few divorces because we’d value each other and we’d honor commitments.
Hats off to you, Anonymous. You’ve really got it right. I’d love the compliment you offer, and you can open my door any time. In my search for love again I hope I run into you!
Chris
Debbie – You sound like a very genuine person and seem to be a woman who can understand that a satisfying relationship is not about all the shallow “stuff” but is about deep connection, character, honesty, kindness, gentleness, intimacy, sharing, openness, and being a team and prioritizing the relationship, among other things. I am a 54 year old, reasonably attractive male who has never been married, but am currently on dating sites (like eHarmony and Christian Mingle, etc.) and am not seeing anyone like you out there. The younger women (30’s and 40’s) are either looking to be taken care of, or want to have kids, which I do not. Some brag about their professional or life accomplishments but if you ask them what qualities they have to bring to a relationship, they just point to the same accomplishments. Another thing I find is that women of all ages seem to have non-stop activity in their lives and expect the man to become part of that non-stop whirlwind of constant travel, parties, dancing, shopping, animal rescue, large pet menageries, raising horses, and whatever else they are into. Me, I prefer less stress and so I guess you could say I am trying to slow life down instead of speed it up. I don’t live a boring life but just don’t need to chase adrenaline rushes all the time.
I am not at all averse to dating women my age. But one problem I am having is that I look young for my age and many of the women on the sites who are my age seem to look much, much older than their age – like in their 70’s. I am sure that comment won’t go over well but I am just being honest about what I am seeing so far that is throwing me off. If you look your age, great. I am also not bothered by scars, imperfections, mastectomies, and many other things that women might be afraid to let people see. I have my own scars and medical issues and the relentless pressure to be physically perfect is hurting many of us. But yes, there are certain things I am having a hard time getting past. I don’t want or need perfect anything but do want to be attracted enough to my wife to the point of looking forward to kissing and hugging her each day, and I can’t apologize for wanting that. Growing old together is not a problem, but starting out feeling very mismatched is.
Beyond that, I have not considered divorced women in my search up to now, but after reading your post I will gladly rethink that. I has just been a matter of fear really, of being compared to a prior significant partner. But I have considered widows, so that makes me a bit inconsistent, Lol.
In any case, what I really wish for most of all right now is having someone to talk to about all this, both male and female, who have gone through the dating scene or are going through it. I wish there were support groups for dating! Most of my friends are married or are not looking, so I do not have anyone to talk to about all this except for my therapist. It would be nice to have more people to bounce ideas off of, and have them read your profiles, etc. Not sure if anyone else feels the same. Anyway, I’m not giving up and will look for ways to make the process work better. Thanks for listening.
Debbie
Chris….you sound like a genuine person also. It is nice to hear, and I appreciate your post. The points you mentioned for a meaningful relationship are points I value very much. Society as a whole has changed, and I’m not so sure that trash tv, online dating, and dirty websites have done us a favor as a whole. It can be very disheartening.
I hope you do consider divorced women in the future, as most women and men our age have already been married. Most, but not all. I would personally consider any nice, genuine, kind man to have a relationship with, with only a few exceptions. By now we’ve all had our butts kicked by life and we have the scars to prove it. I’d like to think this has made us more compassionate and understanding towards others, but sadly it is evident that many of us have become selfish and self-centered. I for one have learned much from my past relationships and hope that it’s made me a better person, even though with each relationship I’ve had I never wanted to give up but work on the issues. For me it’s always been about sticking it out for the long haul, especially in marriage. Otherwise what is the point?
Because of my butt kicking on more than one front, I am pretty accepting of people and their unique differences. I am also one who is not into drama, and I prefer a simple life with some periodic adventures. I am a nature girl with one horse and two dogs, but my days of raising animals is over. If it wasn’t for the fact that my ex-husband wanted the dogs I wouldn’t even have them. He gave them to me after the divorce even though they were supposed to remain with him. If he could throw me out of his life like trash I should have known he would throw away the dogs he wanted that I raised for him. The dogs will be with me until they leave this world because I believe in owning up to my responsibilities, but after that I am done with dogs.
At our age it is very possible to have health issues and I have a few of my own. I can understand if someone else does too. I also want minimal stress in my life, and this outlook is very necessary for my overall wellness. I am certainly not the typical woman out there obsessed with activities and shopping. I am not lazy, but I know how to relax and have peace in my life.
If you want to talk I am the editor for a spiritual site within a large women’s site that welcomes both women and men as members. You can read articles and join in on forum discussions on many topics. You may find the various sites interesting and if you become a member there is a way to send me messages directly without having it posted publicly. The main site is bellaonline dot com. Maybe I will chat with you there.
Good luck to you. I hope you find what you are looking for.
Anonymous
Chris & Debbie,
Well said! I relate to so much of what you wrote, being that single guy that never married. You bring up a very good point…men our age need a place to talk about this stuff and learn from each other because, as only guys like us know, we are somewhat outcasts in society. Hard to have large social circles at this age, seemingly impossible to meet someone in the real world…left to the online dating environment which is flawed by its very design.
Keep up the fight and the outreach. Something tells me there are millions of men like us. But the dating system is not built for us at this age. Talking about it together is a great step forward. Look for men’s groups to join in your area, or be bold and start one. Men need support to.
Debbie, yes I’m real and thank you for the kind words. You sound like a gem and good men like me love to hear kind words. Not much of that going around anymore as everyone is crippled by their frustration and anger…
oh, and Chris: divorced women are SO much more down to earth and centered. Heck, I’ve thought of getting back online and listing myself as divorced just because it automatically makes you more attractive then being single at this age!
….and on and on….:)
Debbie
Anonymous…..I’m so glad you came back and responded. Where are all the guys like you??? You are exactly what I am looking for…..down to earth, sensible, respectful, and looking to have something special with someone. I’m being kind because you stand apart from most of the guys I’ve seen and heard about.
I feel for your situation and the lack of support. I can relate to a lot of what you’ve said. I feel different from most women for many reasons, and the online dating scene just doesn’t appeal to me. They take your money and you get no satisfaction. I tried it and found it to be a waste. I contacted four guys through this venue and received no response from any of them. I even went out of my comfort zone a bit to give these guys a chance to just start a conversation. I am comfortable in my own skin and I know I am a quality person. It hurts when nobody gives you a chance.
I had two other experiences with men aside from the online dating that I’d like to share. With one guy there was a nine year difference in age, but to me once you are 40 who cares? At the time he was 40 and I was 49. My friend tried to hook us up. She told him I am beautiful inside and out and she wanted to bring two good people together. He doesn’t live close by but called me and we talked for an hour and a half. Mostly about his own issues but that was ok because he needed someone to talk to. I told him some about my life too. The conversation seemed to go well and he said he’d call back the next day but didn’t. Did not answer my emails either. What the heck? Why say you’ll call and then don’t have the courtesy to even be honest and say you don’t want to continue? He told my friend he didn’t call back because he didn’t know what to say (how old is he….15?), and was uncomfortable about my age. He dominated the phone conversation so he knows what to say. He never met me in person to see if there was any chemistry. Does this make any sense to you? I probably look younger than he does because I look dang good for my age. Nobody can believe I’m 50. Now he is with someone 9 years younger who bought her own house with cash.
The other guy is only a couple years younger than I am and has known me for some time but only in a casual setting. He knows what kind of person I am. I asked him if he wanted to get together and he was open to it. I put the hint to him three times over 5 years and I left it up to him. He doesn’t have a partner yet never once did he call me. You can be prime real estate in front of their nose and guys just don’t care. I am the best he’d ever hope to have in his life, him being a recovering drug addict with a heart ready to give out. He’s been clean for some time now. Maybe I’m the foolish one for giving a human being who had a hard life a chance for something good.
I know that these men were not meant to be or it would have happened. But it doesn’t feel good when you just want to love someone and you have a lot to offer. It seems that most men my age don’t want a commitment of any kind but just want to play around, especially with younger women. They feel they’ve been burned. The problem is that we’ve all been burned, and most of us don’t handle it well. Women and men both have become very self-centered. It is hard to be vulnerable anymore for fear of being taken advantaged of. Other women I know tell me worse stories about men and online dating then what I’ve just told. And I realize you guys are being treated unfairly to pay for what some jerk did to a woman. People aren’t honest and kind anymore to each other. That is a big problem.
Tancred
You may be all you say you are but divorce stats and the rise of hate towards men has made giving yourself to a woman akin to stroking a crocodile…..you may get lucky but will probably lose a limb. Women have created this shitshow and women need to fix it.
Sorry.
Debbie
I wasn’t part of any shitshow, and many other women aren’t either. I was faithful and loving in my marriage and in my other relationships. I gave men a chance. What I thought were nice men were actually liars, cheaters, and who were addicted to something…sex, drugs, and/or alcohol. Even at this age the immaturity level is astounding. Sorry that you’ve dealt with crocodiles. I have dealt with snakes. I am done.
MLB21
You made me smile.
I really needed that today.
Thank you. ?
Debbie
MLB21….glad to make you smile. Are you our infamous “Anonymous”?
Maria
You were very kind to everyone in your post. That’s a great quality in a person. Because of great pain, some people become bitter. But I agree with you. There are many good people out there. I know you will find that special someone who will love you just they way you are.
Even if you do open the door for her!
I wish you all the best.
Christine
What a true man. I wish I could find a man like you. I have no children and my husband has gone off with a very younger model after I dedicated my life to him for 25 years. I am 51. Would love to contact you if you are still single.
Tony M
So here’s the gist of this blog: women in their 30’s lie to men, women in their 40’s lie to men, women in their 50’s have to lie to themselves because men don’t believe them anymore!?
Debbie
Tony M……just like it makes no sense to lump all men into a category and stereotype them, all women should not be considered liars. There’s good and not so good in all of us. Not one of us is perfect. Some choose to be honest, and some choose to play games. Often the honest get hurt, but that’s the chance you take.
I’ve always valued honesty on both sides, and that’s the way I’ve strived to live my life. Sure I’ve gotten hurt, but I won’t change and become a liar in future relationships just to protect myself. You can’t have a real and meaningful relationship without honesty and respect for yourself and for the other person.
Rs
My 30 yr old wife cheated on me and now my 46 yr o ld wife cheated on me so I trust no one. At 53 I am alone kids are doing there own thing. I have few friends left after the last marriage. Just feel really alone. And betrayed I’m in good shape. Take care of myself. But nothing not one date in 6 months of being single
Debbie
Rs…….. I am sorry for how you’ve been treated. I too was cheated on, by more than one man. I can relate to the pain and betrayal, especially when you’re married. And yes, there often is a substantial loss of friends after a divorce.
I understand loneliness well and the need for physical touch. There have been days I thought I’d go insane. Some days I can deal with it ok, and sometimes not. It is very tough if you’re an affectionate person; when you want to express yourself in a certain way and can’t.
Give yourself time. Six months is not all that long. Take this time to deal with and release the negative and painful feelings associated with your past relationships. Work on bringing yourself up and doing positive things in your life. The law of attraction states that you’ll attract what you put out, so I think you will find someone special when the time is right. Just keep moving forward. Good luck to you!
EyesWideOpen
Rs / Debbie – I’m a late 50s guy and I just gave my mid-20s son what I think is some of the most important advice I ever offered him: Make and cultivate male friends.
My late father once told me that if a man reaches age 65 and can count 5 GOOD friends, he will have done well. Not mere acquaintances, but good friends who are there for you in time of need and vice-versa. Us fellas are not that good at it once we leave college. Women are much better. We get married, start a career and family, and totally throw ourselves into those two things; the unintended result is that we often lose time for and contact with our old buddies. Meanwhile, what new ‘couples’ friends we have are often generated by the wives.
So then when she bails (75% of all post age-50 divorces are initiated by the woman), she’ll still have her married girlfriends for support, but us guys are often left high and dry. This is why I have worked very hard over the past decade to make, keep, and solidify male friendships, both fairly new and from decades ago. And it can be work. Pick up the phone and make that call, schedule lunch just to catch up, etc. A key element, of course, is that it has to be a two-way street. That work has paid off in that I now have a good network of male friends who are there for support and camaraderie.
Debbie
EyesWideOpen……….You did the right thing by cultivating male friendships. I think it’s important that both men and women have their own friends. We all need positive support systems.
I am in the 25% of women who did not want a divorce. I went through it twice. I was 22 when I married an alcoholic and didn’t realize it. He wanted out and I wanted to work it out. It was a short lived marriage. I was 26 the second time around and that relationship lasted 19 years, 16 years married. He wanted out because I was not good enough for him after he got two Masters degrees. I was fine for him when he was poor though. I supported his efforts to want to make a better life for us. Once he became successful I was booted out of his life.
I have the stamina and grounding to make it for the long haul, but that doesn’t seem to be important or appreciated. It really is hard to think of trusting again, but I have faith that I may just find one of you good guys some day. Men can’t all be jerks out there.
The Truth Teller
Well with most women unfortunately today being so very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky, and very money hungry, well that will make it very hard for many of us good men to really meet a woman that isn’t like that at all now. Most women today will really want the best of all which they will never settle for less either since most of these women are always looking for men with money anyway.
Debbie
The Truth Teller…..it is sad that we women can’t find decent men because the lot of us are judged as you have described. I work to support myself so I am not looking for money. I am looking for a kind, loving partner. As long as he can support himself and is happy with what he does, that’s fine by me. From a man I expect a little chivalry and a lot of respect. Take me out and give me flowers once in a while. That doesn’t mean he has to be rich. I’ve been in love with several men who were not loaded with money. That didn’t matter to me because I judge by what is inside a man, not by what he owns.
David
a lady like you who does not look a man’s money unfortunately is very very rare. Study after study for 100s of years as shown that the number one consideration for men is looks and the number one for women is money … reality is that men as the age tend to have more assets but women lose their looks thus men look and get younger women.
Debbie
Ha….at almost 52 I have not lost my looks and I have been told I look as young as 38. Unfortunately, the men I have come in contact with are either afraid to commit, have too much baggage that affects their ability to engage in a close relationship, or they just don’t want to date. Not all women fit into this category you described, and certainly not all men 50 and over are candidates for a meaningful relationship anymore.
I'm saddened!
@ The Truth Teller – blame feminism teachings for this as those teachings taught that women could, should and entitled to have it all. Very very sad!
Johnny M
Well since most of the women nowadays that do Cheat more than men do which is real fact by the way. And since this happened to me it really devastated me at that time thinking that i had finally met the right woman to settle down with. And i was a very caring and loving husband that was very Committed to her as well which unfortunately it still wasn’t good enough for her. Now single and alone again since my Ex wife turned out to be the real pathetic low life loser that i never knew. And with no children to fall back on either just makes it worse for me since i always wanted children when we were married. And going out and finding love again has become very extremely difficult for me since it isn’t easy at all nowadays.
Debbie
Johnny M…….I am very sorry for your experience.
I had a similar one. I was together with my ex-husband for a total of 19 yrs, 16 yrs married. I was a loyal, caring wife believing we’d be together until old age. He cheated on me more than once and I stupidly kept him in my life until he finally wanted out. I did not want kids and he was ok with that until he had a midlife crisis. Then he wanted a divorce so he could go on to have his own kids. Even that was a lie because he married someone soon after the divorce and she had older children. She never gave him a baby, and it turns out he’d been in contact with her for years while he and I were married. I also supported him through years of school so he could make a good life for us. After all the degrees he attained he felt I was not good enough for him anymore. I don’t think the new wife is either. I found him online a year after he remarried looking for some action on the side.
None of us are perfect, and I made my mistakes too. But nothing I did or didn’t do was worth divorcing over. I wanted the marriage to work. He wanted greener grass on the other side of the fence. You can try your might to do the right things in life, with integrity and commitment, and still wind up out on your arse. Believe me, I was devastated after giving so many years of my life to someone I deeply loved, and the scars still cut me today. But I know I have to keep moving forward.
Hang in there, Johnny. Keep being true to yourself and try to stay positive. If you believe in prayer or meditation it can really help. Take nature walks and get involved with groups that interest you, even groups that help others. You are a good guy and eventually you will attract someone who will appreciate you. We are out there!
Johnny M
Thank you very much Debbie for your support. Wish you all the best.
TP
More propaganda from the brain dead. Your divorced because you made a bad choice. You ignored good men for the “bad boy”.Or someone you could “fix”. So now you want someone to clean up the mess. Forget it. The legal system is skewed in your favor so don’t expect men to do this again. We will keep what we have thank you and outside of sex, you really don’t offer us a hell of a lot when it comes to companionship.
Debbie
TP…….brain dead I am not. I didn’t marry a bad boy or someone I can fix. I am not a babysitter and there is no mess to clean up. I didn’t rake my ex-husband through the coals when we divorced. He kept his car, our house, and all the furniture in that house. He lives very well right now.
Men make choices too, good and bad. It takes two people to make a marriage work and to keep it together. One person can’t do it alone.
Your sweeping generalizations and negativity are why you are alone right now. If that’s the way you want it then that’s great. It will mean less trouble out there for us women in the dating scene to worry about.
The Central Scrutinizer
I’m a 55 going on 56 year old man that has been married 2x, my kids are almost through high school, and I’ve been single for 4 years now, after spending the bulk of my adult life in somewhat unsatisfying marriages and a 6 1/2 relationship that I ended in late 2013 because of my ex’s personal issues with negativity.
It is brutal out there dating. On the internet sites, women have, quite frankly, totally unrealistic expectations. There’s some truisms and I don’t give a rat’s rear end about what women say… being short (and I’m fit and I’m in the gym all the time, or taking yoga, or power walking) is a HUGE disadvantage. I’m 5’6″. If I were 6′ in American culture, I would have my pick of GFs. I have a BA/MA, I’m a decent hobbyist musician, I have “edgy” tattoos from that side of my personality; I have a great career that pays me 100K a year.
And_I_Am_Invisible
I have had friends tell me to go to Thailand. Um, no. Living in California, I’ve heard horror story after horror story involving an American bringing back a woman from Asia (or Eastern Europe, for that matter) that didn’t end badly, with the guy divorced and she has *everything*. I would try South America if I were going to try anything – or possible Germany – outside the US.
If I had a dollar for every time a woman has said to me “You’re a nice guy, and you are really great looking and smart, BUT (FILL IN THE BLANK OF HOW I DO NOT FIT HER CHECKLIST)” I’d be richer than Gates, man.
Go read a trashy romance novel. Its what women want. They can have 12 f*cking PhDs and that’s STILL what they want.
And you know what? I don’t think I’m being unrealistic that if I have to put my fork down than many of you other 50 somethings won’t do the same. I don’t know how many women I see > 50 that are my height, or shorter, that look like you’ve swallowed a wine barrel. I’m carrying 15# extra, and I work at trying to keep it at bay, but so many people let themselves go, its not funny. OTOH, you will get workout fiends who all (still) want Johnny Quarterback, except that dude IS the 50something guy with a BMW convertible that has a 30 or 20something GF. They’re not going to return your calls girls.
The best advice in this thread that I’ve seen so far is to simply go live your life. For most of us, a GF after age 50 is just NOT in the cards. I’ve reproduced, I’ve done my duty to the propagation of the human species. Sure, it would be nice to have someone to wake up next to, and have sex with, and feel intimate with. But the vast female single age appropriate population isn’t interested in that with someone like me. They want Johnny Quarterback.
Debbie
The Central Scrutinizer……I can understand your resentment. What you’ve said makes sense to me. And not to knock California, because I think it is a beautiful and dynamic state, I have seen and heard about what people’s expectations generally are who live there. I have friends and family out there who have told me pretty much the same thing. It’s that CA/Hollywood mentality. Not sure if many people there really deal with reality. I get why you are so frustrated.
This country as a whole has an obesity problem. I get that you’d like to be with someone who cares enough about their own health and appearance. I don’t judge someone based on looks, but for comfort on many levels I understand wanting a partner who is height/weight proportionate. I personally don’t need physical perfection because I certainly am not perfect, but it is nice to see someone who takes care of themselves. I too keep a few extra pounds in check but I know I look good when I leave my house.
At 5’4″ I wouldn’t mind a man your height. I look for what is inside a person. If the man is kind and respectful, his height makes no difference to me. I am sorry you’ve been so harshly judged.
I agree that everyone has to go out and live their lives. Doing what has meaning for you is very important in life. If the timing is right, who knows? You might just run into someone who gets you and has the same interests.
Good luck to you.
Over the Hills and Far Away
Regarding the “height” subject…
I have to admit that I am guilty of scrutinizing against short men online. I am 5’4″ as well, but like to wear tall sexy heels. Being with a tall man allows me to walk tall and straight in my heels while at the same time making me feel more petite without slouching. I dated a guy that was 5’8″ once and felt uncomfortable all the time. My boyfriend is 5’10”, my minimum cut off. Even that is a little too short for me coming from being married to an over 6′ man. I am more conscience of that fact when I shop for shoes, I settle for lower heels. I like to reach up on my tiptoes to kiss a guy. It isn’t all about just being tall though. I am not attracted to a guy that is too skinny, nor attracted to some muscular buffed gym rat. I am not as toned as I would like to be, at 115 lb I still possess celulite. I would say I am average and am equally attracted to an average weight man.
Spring Hill Frank
Well and truly said! I would say get the hell out of Cali…I spend too much time there for work…and it is a cesspool of people. I live in a booming economy with a great job, I am in decent shape, also have edgy tats, fairly interesting life, but anything like a good steady girlfriend seems impossible…especially with women typically considered “age appropriate”…and I am 5’9″… maybe I need to be 6 foot too…
Good luck!
Randy Chard
Well I am a widower of just over 15 months and age 57. I have yet to go on a date as I have not felt comfortable with the prospects of getting out there in the marketplace so to speak. I have set my age appropriate limits of 52 – 62. I am currently getting mixed signals from my children (ages 21 and 24) about the efficacy of my dating, one is for my happiness and the other has stated in no uncertain terms that “you and Mom did not get a divorce so you can’t date”.
Well I am venturing out finally by starting university at night school, hopefully to meet women of my age group and trying to find a local mixed golf league.
I never thought I would be doing this but I am and I am not about to be a male spinster. Just want someone to have conversations with and to start to live again.
Any suggestions would help.
Thanks for whatever comes my way!
Debbie
Randy…..first off, I am sorry for your loss. I lost an intimate partner when he was 49. He was more to me than just a boyfriend. It’s possible that some day we would have married. I understand some of what you have experienced.
I think it is a mistake to limit the age of women you may choose to date. What if the perfect woman for you turns out to be 49, 50, or 51? I would look at it this way, if you meet a mature, kind woman who is interested in you, don’t focus on her age. Focus on what her interests are, what her values are, and how she treats people. I don’t mean that you should date women who obviously are in their 20’s. You can feel it when someone is mature and has lived enough of life to be compatible.
As far as your children go, they are no longer babies. Just as they would want to find love for themselves some day, you are also entitled to find love again and to be happy. When and if you find another woman to spend your life with, she cannot replace your wife, your children’s mother. The mother of your children will always have a place in your heart, and even she would not want you grieving and alone for the rest of your life. Dating again does not minimize what you had in the past. But right now you have to live in the present.
What you are doing is a great idea. Get out and do things that are meaningful for you and keep on living your life. When the time is right you will run into someone special again. I commend you for branching out. It took me a very long time before I could even think about dating again. I wish you all the best.
Spring Hill Frank
I don’t know where all these “plentiful” women that are available for single/divorced men in their 40s-50s etc… I don’t know about all men in this situation, but I still want a partner in life, not necessary to get married thanks to the scars from the first time around, but someone to travel with and talk to and yes be there for when help needed or wanted and also yes for sex…not just sex though…I don’t need or want a mother for me and my son is grown…I can cook and clean or pay someone to do that stuff. Online dating sux so far. I won’t lie I beat myself up for a few years after getting divorced, but I think I am an ok guy, several women have told me so, but they are married co-workers or wives of co-workers…
This is the third article I have come across in the past 3 days that has really done a number on my thinking regarding the possibility of finding a girlfriend. Hell, one from huffington post was super depressing about women my age are now dating guys in their 20s-30s…if I was to start dating a woman in her 20s or 30s or worse yet a string of ladies in their 20s or 30s while a few people would probably cheer, most would at least be castigating me as pig or cradle robber etc…
Open to idea and suggestions.
Debbie
Spring Hill Frank………I am 50 and I have no interest in dating much younger than my age. I would have nothing in common with a man in his 20’s or 30’s. I would go a little younger than my age if I found a nice guy, but not much younger. I don’t care what the articles out there say. Even though age to me is not the most important thing when considering a partner, I am not prepared to date someone young enough to be my son.
I don’t know what the answer is to finding all these eligible age-appropriate people when online dating is so unsatisfactory. And believe me, I’ve tried online dating. The whole thing is a money racket with poor results. I know several good women who have tried it for years only to get nowhere.
I’d like a partner again for all the reasons you’ve mentioned. Even though I believe that marriage is a sacred commitment, a true testament to how a couple feels about each other, I don’t believe that many people are cut out for it anymore these days. I’d be happy with a faithful and devoted partner without the paperwork. It might mean less pain for me in the long run, even though I enjoyed marriage when I had it, hard work and all.
I’ve read you can find a nice man or woman in the grocery store, church, volunteering, etc. So far that hasn’t worked for me but I’m not giving up. If only for the fact that I know I deserve what I’m looking for. And that doesn’t mean perfection in someone or a man 6ft tall. I just want a nice guy who makes me a priority and treats me well, is easy to talk to, is supportive, accepts me for who I am flaws and all, and wants to work towards a deep connection that’s meaningful to both of us. I would do the same, and I have a lot of love to give the right man if I can find him.
I really don’t think it’s rocket science. What it is is just being a decent, unselfish, and thoughtful human being.
Kathy
Most women in their 50s don’t want to date men much younger. We want men who are like us — able to support themselves, still interested in living life, fairly healthy, emotionally stable, and not drug/alcohol abusers. Pretty simple it would seem — just hard to meet them.
Chris
I’m 38, and having older women hit on me on online dating sites is a big turn off. Just letting you girls know that the young guys who are still decent will make the first move if they find you attractive. There’s a double standard alright but that’s just science.
55AliveGuy
At least in Southern California, women in their 50s with some education and any remaining health and attractiveness only seek men who are retired millionaires.
I have dated a number of women many of them widows not divorced who are my contemporaries at 55 and as old ss 60. It is my general impression that after 3 dates they have figured out based on my car, residence, child and job that I’m not “at their caliber” despite all the other the levels of connection we may have enjoyed.
Women in their 50s don’t want to work, they don’t want a man to work full time plus if at all , they don’t want to deal with his children, all they want to do is be pampered and travel.
What’s ironic is womwn in their late thirties with kids like me. Course they may have buried motivations but that’s not the point, I’d love a woman my age over a younger woman but they’re basically angry high maintenance and not interested in patient investment in a relationship.
Debbie
55AliveGuy…….Your post has certainly been enlightening, along with those of several other men here. I am sorry you’ve had such negative experiences.
If you’ve read any of my posts you will know that at age 50 I don’t share the views and actions of these women you’ve described. I’m an example of the exact opposite, and I wish there were more of us around for all of you good guys. My problem is that I can’t find a nice man like you. All I want is a life partner, lover, and companion. I don’t care what a man does for a living or what type of car he drives. I want to be with someone who has a kind heart. Everything else means little to me.
If only we could band together the men like you and the women like me in a room. Maybe then we’d have some luck finding love again!
Dave
I’m a 50 plus guy and still have the same physical needs I had at 30. If that changes I’ll consider dating women my own age.
Debbie
Dave…..I am 50 and I have no problem taking care of a man’s physical needs. I enjoy the physical contact and I’m sure I’m not the only woman my age who still wants that type of intimacy on a regular basis.
Jim
Yeah, and look at all the people cleaning garbage, sewers, and dying on the job. If you want to be a CEO start your own company! Oh yeah, that takes work……
JillyDill
OK, I am a woman in her 50s and I am on the dating sites and going to multiple meetups, I have been asked out my men my age but man! They are either overweight, have really bad teeth, or physical limitations like a bad knee. The men I want to pursue are handsome, fit, and financially secure. I am financially independent and I have been taken advantage of by a man my age so I don’t want that to happen again. I know the handsome, fit, and financially sound men are looking for younger women so I have to compete with them for these types of men. The only way to do this is to be also be fit, well put together, get a little botox even, be confident, educated, happy, and fun! I have to take care of myself if I want a man who takes care of himself. Am I going to succeed? I have no idea but I’m going to give it my all.
J D Long
I find the same thing Jill with the women in their mid fifties on the dating sites they’re either extremely overweight, have physical limitations (hip replacements) or have very saggy wrinkly skin. It’s tough you waste a lot of time chatting up than when you finally get the date it’s a huge disappointment and the ones that seem to have it together physically when you go to their house you find out they have seven or eight cats and they sleep with them in the bed. The one huge advantage (or should I say two)that the women have over the men and it’s called the boob job. If I were a 50-year-old female I’d get three of them (lol), these foolish men just can’t get enough of them they start looking at these boobs and they lose their minds, and the whole age thing just becomes another#
Rick
Wow! This article, read with the comments, makes dating sound awful for everyone. Go out and have some people, if it doesn’t work out it’s ok, date some more.
Personally I’m good looking, physically fit and financially secure … and date near my age, 50s. Dating young makes no sense at all.
Carol
Anonymous, I’m over 54 but I look much younger than my age. Don’t assume some of those women out there are under 50. I know a lot of women in their 40’s-50’s that look very young for their age. The fact is, most women that have been single for years tend to be more active, eat healthier – they don’t fit the stereotypical type some men often think middle aged woman look like. Most of my friends work out, go to zumba classes, jog, etc because they have a lot of time on their hands. I think the internet is destroying the whole idea of “relationships” making it too easy for men and women to “hook” up from one person to another every other week. I’m not into that. I tried internet dating 10 yrs ago. Met a guy and we had a relationship for a while. We broke up cause it wasn’t going anywhere. We took a “Break” and well never got back together. But I refuse to get online and “shop” for someone. I want to see the guy in 3D first, in person before I talk to him. I don’t want to see a one dimensional “picture” first. So go back out to the bars and start chatting to the gal standing next to you that you are assuming is in her 30’s, you might be surprised to find out she’s closer to your age. The current guy I’m dating in person. Not sure where we’ll end up in 6 more months, just trying to enjoy his company and not think of the future. Nothing I ever planned ever worked out anyway, so I don’t “plan” much anymore, just trying to enjoy life one week at a time.
The Cold Hard Truth
I want to say something that may not be welcome, and although it’s faintly alluded to, is really not discussed directly in any of these responses. It is that a normal healthy male of any age dating a woman of any age is doing it primarily for sexual gratification. If that leads to a long-term relationship, most normal guys will be fine with that. But in all the checklists posted by the women responding here, and elsewhere, how many place sexuality at the core of what they value in a relationship, with nothing else being a close second? Zero. The men don’t really talk directly about it because they want to step gingerly and do not want to offend. But the reality is what men are really seeking is a hot woman (or as hot as feasible under the circumstances) who is very generous in bed. All of the women posting claiming that they are desirable yet somehow can’t find a suitable man–do you know how to suck a c*ck and do it willingly and gladly, and with the aim of giving your man the maximum possible pleasure? I hesitated to even ask that question because of the phony offense so many women will take at it–as if that kind of thing is NOT APPROPRIATE! LOL
Debbie
The Cold Hard Truth…….in reading your post you are not saying anything new to me and I am not offended. Men and women are built differently, and although there are some similarities in needs like wanting respect from a pleasant companion, men focus more on the physical aspect of a relationship. You can’t expect us to be like you guys, because that is impossible, but we all could work on a little more acceptance of each other.
I don’t have my head in the sand in regards to men’s needs and I do not have a problem taking care of my man in the ways you have stated. Yes I know how to do it, and I happily please my man when I am in a relationship that is mutual and respectful. That means give and take on both sides. You accommodate my needs with caring and consideration and I accommodate yours. And I am not asking for the moon.
Maybe some women put sex first in a relationship, but as a majority I think not. Our needs go beyond that. If men can step up and accept us for who we are and make an effort, I’m sure most women would want their man to be happy as well, and would gladly do what we can to please you physically. Sure men and women are different, but it’s not impossible to make a relationship work.
If you care about someone you’ll want to make them happy, and that only works if both people are invested and make an effort to do for someone other than themselves. That’s different from a casual relationship where sex is all there is. Many don’t find that type of relationship satisfying, because it does nothing for the soul, only the body. It all depends on what you’re looking for.
David
“I don’t have my head in the sand in regards to men’s needs and I do not have a problem taking care of my man in the ways you have stated.” … your statement says it all … many of us men want a women to want/crave it too but sadly after menopause women are no longer interested in sex whereas men til their 80s … men are happiest when they can sexually please their mates but after 51 it is no longer an option.
Duck2
I am widowed and in my 60’s. For over 35 years I was with my soul mate. The last 7 years of our relationship I took care of him. We traveled all over the world having a wonderful time and life. We worked hard and had 2 beautiful children, now morally grounded adults.
The last few years, I would bathe him daily along with other personal needs, and yes, I would do it all again it I could have him back.
Yes, I miss the WOW, Thank you for the organism sex we had…even after he was sick.
Can a person find more than one soul mate in this world? I would hope so, and yes…sex is of the upmost importance. I have to believe there are a lot of women who will not admit this, especially in a public forum. I still have my soul mate forever in my heart, but I miss the sex.
Debbie
Sex is definitely important in a loving relationship. It needs to be combined with kindness, respect, compromise, and affection. When you have all of that you’ve got a lot. Without sex, in most cases, the closeness will fade and one or both will feel neglected. Sex plays an important part in the overall intimacy of a couple. I’m not ashamed to say I miss the intimacy of a committed relationship, sex and all.
Starlight
You really think of yourself as “edgy”, don’t you?
I am a woman, and sex has always been “at the core” of my interest in a relationship with a man. Equally important are respect, tenderness and moral strength. (Nothing else coming a “close second” says a LOT about you and the possible reasons for your probable loneliness.) Without the, there is no relationship for me – just like I wouldn’t be interested in a sexless relationship.
Confirmed Bachelor
Proverbs 21:19…
It is better to dwell in the wilderness than with a contentious and angry woman.
Confirmed Bachelor
Proverbs 25:24…
It is better to dwell on a corner of the roof than live in a house with a quarrelsome wife.
Confirmed Bachelor
Proverbs 27:15-16…
A quarrelsome wife is like a leaking roof dripping in a rain storm; Restraining her is like trying to catch the wind or trying to grasp oil in the hand.
Debbie
And I suppose all men are angels. Ha!
Confirmed Bachelor
September 16, 2017..…I celebrated the fifteenth anniversary of my emancipation (divorce). I will not be returning to the plantation. My divorce decree is actually framed on my bedroom wall 🙂
Amanda H
Well obviously I only date them for money. Which hot 30something who can get her pick of men would willingly settle for some granddad for ‘love’? it just doesn’t happen but we love how deluded the male species is, genuinely believing that his one is not like that and that she genuinely developed feelings for him and an attraction to his withered, leathery old skin. and still goes along with our made up story about how we’ve suddenly lost our job and are struggling with bills and could you please loan me a couple of thou that I promise to never pay back. thank you kindly, kissy kissy. silly old farts, so easy to take advantage of so how could we not? 🙂
Mark
Women like you are just users and losers altogether anyway.
Amanda H
Users – yes, proud ones
Losers – don’t see how, what exactly am I losing out on? I’ve got the money, the lifestyle, the men, the attention. Whilst you’re sitting on your broke ass night after night still desperately searching for a woman to touch you (lol) don’t cry too hard, fatso!
Mark
Then again which you’re just a very retarded low life loser woman that uses men for money anyway. Right? Well i would say so since by the way i am not fat at all and a very good looking guy by the way. Unfortunately i just keep meeting very pathetic women like you that have certainly destroyed the dating scene altogether now for many of us good innocent men nowadays really looking for a good woman to settle down with. It is losers like you that are real feminists and real men haters altogether which is why many of us men can’t meet a Decent Normal Woman at all nowadays which we really have No Reason to Blame ourselves either since most of the women now are just so very horrible to begin with. I will certainly say that the women in the old days really did put You Women today to total shame altogether as well since they were really the opposite of You.
Debbie
Mark……I am truly sorry that the dating scene has gotten so bad that men feel the way you do. It must be one of the reasons why I can’t find a good guy like you. Men just don’t trust women anymore, and I can’t say that I blame them, judging by the stories I’ve heard here.
I am one of the rare “Decent Normal Women” , as you’ve put it. I am a kind, affectionate, and attractive woman who would like to settle down with a good guy some day. I have never been a man hater, and honestly I can’t even grasp the concept. That line of thinking is just not me.
Good luck to you Mark. I really hope you find someone who will respect you and value you for who you are. You deserve nothing less.
Mark
By the way you Moron, i am not fat at all and a good looking guy too. And it is very pathetic low life loser women like you that have destroyed the dating scene altogether now. Case closed.
JR
Oldest profession in the world.
David
but when you get old and lose your looks … it will be a different story!!!! haha
Mark
To Amanda, You’re a complete idiot altogether and a loser as well. And it is women like you that really did destroy the dating scene for many of us good men really looking for love today. Get a life.
Q
Some women and men lie because they have no self acceptance!
Confirmed Bachelor
It’s quite understandable for most men to be very risk averse concerning remarriage and the implications of divorce. The statistics are grim. 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, between 60 and 65 percent of second marriages and 70 percent of third marriages end in divorce court. 70 percent of ALL divorces are initiated by……the wife. Are we to believe that 70 percent of husbands are bad!?
I once overheard a conversation in which a woman said, “I’ve been divorced three times and none of them were my fault.” I immediately thought, “Hmm…..what or WHO was the common denominator in all three of those marriages???” I work with a woman who is currently on her FIFTH husband, and she’s not yet 50 years old (!). Husband number 5 is either very brave or very dumb. Those are extraordinarily daunting odds. A colleague was dating a woman who told him she was separated from husband number two. Fortunately, it didn’t work out. He later discovered she was actually separated from husband number 4!
I haven’t even touched upon the financial meat grinder awaiting hapless husbands in divorce court. The system is designed to extract the maximum amount of money from men, even though the majority of women work (many now earn more than their husbands). He stands to lose the house, the children and most of his income. Talk about playing Russian Roulette. A woman must practically be a serial killer before the court will award child custody to the father. Is it any wonder that men are increasingly unwilling to sacrifice themselves on the altar of matrimony?
Recently, census data revealed an unprecedented statistic. 70 percent of US men aged 20-34 are unmarried. Certainly, some portion of this can be ascribed to the rise of women in the work force and in higher education. Women seldom “marry down”, and college-educated women consider men without degrees inferior. But younger men have taken note of the fate of their fathers, brothers and uncles at the hands of their wives and their allies in divorce court…and they want no part of it. Men did not create this situation.
It’s probably good that the Supreme Court has given it’s blessing to same-sex marriage, because if current trends continue, women seeking spouses may very well have to marry other women.
meep meep
takes two to tango ‘confirmed bachelor’, won’t don’t divorce men for no reason. he must have been annoying to live with or wasn’t willing to put in much effort. i’ve been married twice and boy what a challenge living with a man is. i now understand why so many women become cat women – at least cats know how to clean themselves! and don’t make as much noise. no idea why men turn into babies after marriage – do they think its cute? or clever? or just their God given right??
Confirmed Bachelor
No, recent interviews with numerous divorcees gleaned the following: Women repeatedly made statements to the effect that, “There was nothing really wrong with my husband. He was a good father and provider, but I just fell out of love with him. I felt I could do better.”
EyesWideOpen
Confirmed Bachelor – You are spot on. 75% of all divorces that occur after the age of 50 are initiated by the woman. The internet is riddled with articles on female hypergamy.
David
my ex wife said I was a great guy and a great father but for 20 years she faked it and felt now she had to be honest. The truth came out that she was hoping that I would be become a multi-millionaire and her life as a wife of an entrepreneur where I made in my worst year $52,000 was not good enough. the last laugh may well be a on her as been building another company for several years and about to go public … she met me when I was driving a Porsche Turbo but the life as a entrepreneur is up and down … she re-married an entrepreneur that retired at top of his game so he is a multi-millionaire but he is also 73 and she is 54!!
Carlotta
I am not a divorcé. I am a widow. My husband died way too young. We had a very successful marriage. I husband was a unique, highly intelligent, flexible, considerate, sensitive human being who overcame his weaknesses because of his love for me and how much he valued our relationship. So, what I am saying here is that I am not a “man hater,”
That’s said, I am fully cognizant of the fact that:
• Women of my generation ( baby boomer) are supposed to be accustomed to having their roles defined for them by the man they marry.
• Men of my generation are not accustomed to having their roles defined by their wives.
I don’t care what anyone shouts to the contrary, this has been my consistent first-hand experience, particularly noticed it since my husband’s death: “Available” men my age overwhelmingly possess this attitude.
If that’s the expectation that men of my generation want to have, well fine. That’s probably part of the reason a lot of these guys like to chase after women 20 odd years thier junior — Younger women haven’t figured it out yet and therefore they’re more malable.
As for me, a widow over 50, I just don’t have the time nor energy to contort myself into unrecognizable shapes to try to get some guy to like me or want me. It’s just such fun to be on my own and do whatever I want and be who I am and remember the respect my beloved husband gave me, appreciate how unbelievably unique he was. For me once was enough.
Confirmed Bachelor
Read: “Why Great Husbands Are Being Abandoned” on Huff post.
Debbie
I just read that article on Huff post. It is disheartening, isn’t it? I am a woman of old fashioned values, and although I support women’s equality and the progression of women, I think some have taken it too far to where they no longer value men for what men can offer.
Women who leave a long term relationship for no other reason than that they’re bored are foolish and selfish. All relationships change over time and it takes work to keep things exciting. Nobody’s perfect, and the next guy they go for will come with his own issues. Good guys today are seemingly rare and precious. If a woman has a good guy she ought to keep him in her life and care for the relationship with maturity. The exciting “bad boy” out there won’t bring her a better quality relationship, just like it didn’t in high school.
It’s no wonder that men have no idea what the heck women want anymore. I really feel for the good, considerate and respectful guys. Take heart in the fact that I’m still out there looking for you, and I know of other women who also share the same view. It just appears that there are less of us today.
Kind of sad that both sides have negatively impacted how relationships between men and women go today, leaving many of us wanting the simpler things in life more than ever. How do you think older couples who’ve lasted 40, 50, 60 yrs have made it that far? Not by endless complications.
Jim
Yes, and women talk about commitment; they apparently don’t know what’s the word means.
Debbie
I know what the word means and I honor my commitments. I wish I could find a man who does the same.
EyesWideOpen
Just read that article titled “Why Great Husbands Are Being Abandoned.” In essence, it’s called “wanting to have your cake and eat it too.” Sure, women SAY they want the caring, nurturing, nice guy Beta husband. But that goes against the grain of eons of female DNA development and eventually gets unsatisfying for them, just as the article describes in detail. So then they decide to dump Pajama-Boy and go for Mr. Alpha stud who will rock their bedroom world…until they realize he’s an a**hole outside of the bedroom, and then it’s back to looking for the “nice guy.” Rinse and repeat. MGTOW
David
So men over 50 are like you say and woman over 50 no longer desire sex so go younger
Confirmed Bachelor
Gentlemen, here’s some more cheerful news for those of you who are still fantasizing about marital bliss, if the sobering divorce statistics weren’t enough to cool your ardor.
According to a recent report by the CDC (Center for Disease Control), syphilis rates among women increased 36 percent from 2015 to 2016, drug-resistant strains of gonorrhea have reached unprecedented levels, Chlamydia and herpes (both types) have increased markedly, and it’s estimated that 25 percent of adult US women now have an STD. Don’t believe me?. Look it up.
Have fun out there!
Debbie
And let’s not forget HPV that’s running rampant these days.
The problem lies in the promiscuity of both men and women in recent decades. Time to be more choosy on who you go to bed with. Maybe sex is not all it’s cracked up to be. Better to see if there’s a real connection before climbing into bed with someone, and before you do get a simple blood test to prove to your partner that you won’t bring them an unwanted disease.
Just saying
Women over 50 are as beautiful as ever. Intimacy is hard to find though. Natural hormones simply change and there is nothing wrong with that. Its just that many men over 50 still like sex – maybe even daily. Women over 50 tend to find the prospect perverted and simply tiresome.
Debbie
I’m 50 and I disagree. Intimacy, both emotional and physical, are what I want with a man. Not all women 50 and over are done with sex. Hormones may change but sensuality is in the mind.
David
According to medical facts/stats once a woman hits menopause (81.5%) their testosterone goes to 0-2 (an 80 man is still at 400) thus they are no longer interested in sex … this fact … nothing that you or I can do about it. I find that women are very reluctant to state the truth. Maybe you are the lucky 18.5%
Debbie
I am that lucky woman in more ways than one….but I can’t find a decent guy who wants a meaningful relationship….nevermind one who isn’t so broken that he isn’t stable and can’t put in the work. Overall I am very accepting and I can forgive a lot of shortcomings, but still…it is not like dating in my 20’s anymore. Good guys are rare.
Starlight
I am a woman over 50, and I would EXPECT daily sex. Don’t pretend you know all women, it’s not becoming.
Mark
Women that date men for money are nothing but users and losers altogether anyway since they just can’t Accept a man for who he really is anymore. Women unfortunately are very greedy, selfish, spoiled, and very money hungry nowadays which speaks for itself right there.
Debbie
Mark……that may be true overall, but there are still a few of us women out there who value a man for who he truly is.
Wonder
I was looking to find some stories and perhaps advice on Internet when I stumbled on this web site. I am close to be 50, married when 19 and perhaps naive when it comes to online dating. My relation with my husband is an honest one and he still makes me laugh and I love being around him. Nevertheless, I feel uneasy. What would I do if something is to happen to him? How my life would continue? He fills my days and means the world to me, and passion is still there… but my sister is in trouble and I am looking to find ways to help her. Do not know how! Her husband left her and children few years ago for the much younger woman. Now in his 60s he’s sick (not life threatening) and his wife kicked him out. My sister is considering taking him back
I do not think it is a good idea when people divorce to stay good friends as it seems he feels entitled to some things that he would not ever think of getting if she had kept the distance.
Rob
As a 45 year old single male. I can say that for me, the prospect of dating isn’t any better or easier now, then when I was in my 20’s. I don’t make nearly enough money, I never went to college or university, and will never afford my own home, in my lifetime. I have read many dating profiles, of women my age, and noticed they have a few things in common. Most women in the dating pool,my age, with, or without kids, have a good career, are educated, with at least one degree, and have their own home. All of these women want a man who is at least equal in these categories. So basically, if men fall short, they might as well forget about the prospect a relationship, so why bother trying? The older one gets, the more disheartening it becomes. This is just my personal take on the subject.
Debbie
It is very sad to me that one judges another based on money and material possessions, instead of what is inside the heart and soul of a person.
What has humanity come to? No wonder there are so many separations in relationships these days and more and more people alone. When are we going to wake up?
John Doe
Debbie, the real problem here is that most women now are very spoiled and greedy. Well back in the past they really weren’t like that at all were they? Of course not. A very different time today unfortunately since most women i will say just Can’t Accept us men for who we really are anymore, and it is very sad since it really does take two to tango these days.
Debbie
John Doe……I am truly sorry for what you and so many other good men are up against. Times really have changed, haven’t they? I don’t understand these many self-centered women that you speak of. I can’t imagine being so selfish and demanding because I was never like that with anyone. I am the most down to earth woman you’d ever want to know.
I do accept men for who they are. I like men! You guys are different from women, no doubt about it, but I still believe there is hope to make things work with someone even in this day and age. Nobody is perfect, and we all could work on a little acceptance of each other.
Unfortunately I have not had luck finding a good man my age. The men I’ve encountered are just like what’s been described here and more…..arrogant, judgemental, wanting younger women, not wanting a committed relationship, harboring bitterness over past relationships, etc. I have been judged unfairly as well in more than one instance.
Many of the men on this blog have proven that the good guys are still out there. I’m here to tell you that the good women are still out there too. I am one of them.
EyesWideOpen
I empathize Rob. If a now single, middle-age woman had money in her past relationship(s), she’ll want to keep it that way. And if she didn’t, well, she’ll probably seek out financial security in a mate now. I’m NOT saying this as a criticism, just as a fact of life…perhaps in the same way men allegedly only want youth and beauty.
Rob
I totally understand that. She doesn’t need another person to “take care of”. Men are supposed to be the providers, but for some, it just doesn’t happen. In my neck of the woods, average price for a house, is $300,000. Now a condo, or a mobile home are generally more affordable, between $90000, to $200000. But realistically, how many women would date or be in a relationship, with a guy who lived in a mobile? There is a stigma attached to that. The want for financial security is understandable for a relationship. It’s no fun just living paycheck to paycheck, barely getting by. It would be selfish for a guy, who is barely getting by, to drag someone else, down with them, as much as it sucks.
Debbie
I get that. On the flip side, if two people are just getting by on their own and genuinely care about each other, wouldn’t sharing expenses increase the quality of life for both of them?
EyesWideOpen
By the way, I have been looking into all of the various well-known online dating sites and have yet to find one that is not considered a total rip-off by scores of people. The complaints are the same: fake profiles, bots, poor customer service, repeated charges to cc’s, plenty of people “viewing” and “liking” your profile AFTER you’ve cancelled, etc etc. Match, OurTime, Zoosk, et al, it doesn’t matter…
Has anyone found a site for the 50+ crowd that is truly legit? Thanks.
Debbie
I had so much trouble with eharmony that I swore I’d never do online dating again, on any site. For all the hype it’s all just a bunch of crapp. I’ll take my chances on my own.
Confirmed Bachelor
Men above the age of fifty must accept a set of difficult truths. Women, for the most part, have torn up and discarded their half of the social contract that has underpinned Western Civilization for 2,000 years. To the majority of women, men are nothing more than disposable commodities.
Women have always “married up”, and are now less likely to marry across socio-economic levels than ever before. They compile extensive lists of “must haves” and “deal breakers”; these exhaustive lists generally become longer with each successive failed relationship. Woe to any man who doesn’t meet her specifications. Case in point: when a group of men were asked to give an opinion of a fictitious woman who met 85 percent of their ideal requirements, the majority said that she was a “catch”. When the same question was posed to a group of women, they overwhelmingly rejected the 85 percent match, calling it “settling”.
When the group of men were asked to compile a list of “deal breakers”, they listed 30 items total. The group of women listed nearly 400. Do you see how insurmountable this has become for men?
These issues, coupled with the anti-male bias in divorce court, make the prospect of a relationship or marriage to the modern western woman an endeavor fraught with peril. I advise all men to carefully consider all they could lose before risking it all. When the game is rigged, the safest move is simply not to play.
Debbie
Confirmed Bachelor…………I completely understand what you are saying. You are confirming a harsh reality. A majority of women have taken their independence to the extreme. Their response to men who’ve been disrespectful, unfaithful, unproductive, etc. has been to clump all men into a category and make them disposable.
I don’t understand these women’s actions because I’ve always been respectful of people, especially the men I’ve been with. Sure I’ve had my teeth kicked in after putting my trust in a man, several times in fact, but I have fought my urge to consider all men to be jerks. Not all of my experiences with men have been bad, so I hold on to the hope that I can find something good again with someone, even though the odds are not great.
I understand your bitterness and I don’t blame you. I just hope you can understand that all women are not the same. If I can look past the majority of men and see that there are still some good ones out there, can you do the same in regards to women?
I, for one, am not in the majority. I’m just a down to earth woman who wants to love and care for a good man. I want to share my life with someone who wants the same thing I do. It would be nice not to be alone in our old age. It would be nice not to be alone right now. Like I’ve stressed here time and time again, I don’t care about what a man does for work, what kind of car or residence he has, or even how much money he has in the bank. I won’t settle for someone lazy, disrespectful, unfaithful, or who doesn’t practice proper hygiene. That’s about all for my deal breakers. A good guy is a good guy. That’s all that matters.
I don’t even need a marriage again. Been there, done that (not my choice for the divorce either). I realize the idea of that type of commitment these days makes men like deer in headlights. With that said, I’d be happy with an exclusive relationship with a man where we make each other a priority. A relationship where we don’t take each other for granted and can just enjoy the stability of a caring, affectionate partnership.
I can dream……
Widowed
Debbie,
I believe I speak for almost all the guys on here when I say you are a jewel among women and I believe any of us would have our lives enriched with you in it.
-Widowed
Debbie
Widowed……Thank you for your very kind words. I truly appreciate them.
What I want is to make a good man’s life better. I have a decent life now but being wanted and needed would make me happier. I think decent men are great people and I truly enjoy their company. But I am not one for casual relationships. I treasure what can truly be between a man and a woman if they both act unselfishly out of kindness and compassion. That bond if it can be achieved is one of life’s greatest gifts.
I am sorry for your loss. I also lost an intimate partner so I understand the depth of your sorrow. I wish you better tomorrows, filled with hope and love.
EyesWideOpen
I have heard this same lament from a couple of divorced, 50-something male friends. It’s highlighted by the number of women on dating sites who, in their site name or profile, state right off the bat how “it’s my turn” or “time for me” or some variation. Their prior life/marriage must have been hell for them…or their spouse perhaps. Then comes the laundry list of deal-breakers. Yet in any column on how to write those profiles, the advice will say to clearly state what you have to offer, rather than what you are seeking or demanding.
Debbie
It is sickening to me to hear this. Obviously when I was on a dating site for a time I was looking for a man so I never read women’s profiles. It is no wonder you men are so upset.
These women who make comments like “it’s my turn” and “time for me” sound very selfish and bitter. That’s a turn-off for me to hear this self-centered crapp, and I’m not a guy! What man would want to respond to profiles like that?
Skip
Wow, you sound just like me! I’m a bit of voyeur here, but right in the target demographic seeking to understand my world better. 53, two kids, one just into college and the other in high school. Together with my wife for 33 years, with a great marriage much of that time, but she got mean and awful to be around in her mid forties and very rigid in her thinking (no, she won’t even consider talking about it, therapy or anything else)… Just like my mom, all three of my sisters and a bunch of relatives and in-laws did at the same age. I can’t take it any more but chicken to be alone and single at this age. I look at younger women thinking there are only so many “good” years before they turn the same way. Is this crazy? I’m tall, fit and financially secure, but doubt many women my age want to do a 100mile bike ride with me or go skydiving (plus running, flying, and racing sports cars lol)! Are we too old to have a “girlfriend” that becomes the love of our lives? That’s my fear. Unhappy or single and maybe more unhappy…. it’s not the age of the body, it’s the aging of the mind and drop in sex drive I think.
Debbie
Skip……I think at our age there has to be a little more tolerance, acceptance, and compromise in relationships. Nothing will ever be perfect and we all have our horror stories from our past relationships.
Percentage-wise I think there are a lot more risk taking men than women. You may get lucky to find some danger seekers out there, but don’t count on it. Maybe those activities you mentioned will be yours exclusively, but there are many other things you and your partner can do that you’ll both enjoy doing together.
Aging is in the body and mind. It is important to exercise both to keep them fit the best you can. By now a lot of us have medical issues, some of which may hold us back from doing certain things. I don’t think that makes us too old to find love again, a love that can carry us into old age.
I think it is about getting back to the basics of respect, compassion, giving, and understanding. Everyone is different, but with a measure of commitment I think a relationship can work at any age. And that is it really, “work”. But it has to come from both sides and there has to be genuine caring and a selfless attitude without giving up who you truly are as a person. Not easy, but not impossible. Just depends if both sides want it badly enough.
As far as sex drive goes, I can only speak for myself at age 50 and say that I have no problems in that department. If you are physically able, attraction to sex has a lot to do with the mind. It can always be worked on and improved, especially if you have a loving, caring partner.
Now What
Being a single 49.5 year old man who never married or had kids after reading all these comments you just want to jump off a building. So let me get this straight: If i want to have my own biological kids I obviously have to marry younger. But a younger woman will want a younger guy. I look at women my own age and they just look old to me. When women my own age hear something like that they get totally pissed off, and understandably so. I see younger women and they are beautiful but they don’t want to date their Dad. I can’t use online dating sites because the women I am interested in are onIy interested in guys 32-45. Women my age on these sites? They look old. Its biology. I cant help what gives me a stiffy and what doesn’t.
So I guess unless you did what you were supposed to do when you were supposed to do it when everyone is young and attracted to each other you are shit outta luck. Biology/social worth is a cruel bitch. My options are now 1) Date someone my own age and just be buddies/friends (like will and grace but we are both straight) and not be able to have kids 2) Date a hot younger chick with daddy issues or a gold digger in both instances i know it cant/wont last or 3) Build a time machine and go back to my 20s and this time respect my time knowing that youth is actually a valuable commodity and needs to be used and spent wisely.
Do I got this right?
Just as David Lee Roth said, “You better use it before it gets old..!”
EyesWideOpen
Now What – Studies have shown that once a man hits age 35 or so, for the rest of his life he subconsciously envisions himself about 15 years younger than he really is. I believe it.
I have two single male friends in their mid to late 50s who are physically fit and good-looking to the ladies. In spite of their good health and vigor, no one would mistake them for a guy in his early to mid-40s, especially a woman. They have both admitted that, ideally, they would love to find a woman several years under age 50. Physical attraction = hot sex is their primary calculus. The other qualities are important but will not matter unless that first piece is present. (Are middle age women really any different in this regard?)
As for women their own age, they confess that those women “look older than I feel.” I think to myself, “Then don’t look in the mirror, bro’.” Let’s be real. There’s a reason why physically attractive women on these so-called dating sites can demand a man years younger than them! Because they can. No one, male or female, let’s say over the age of 40, who has worked hard (i.e. diet & exercise) to stay physically fit and reasonably attractive is going to want to pair up with someone who has not. It’s simple biology.
Debbie
Of course attraction, chemistry, etc. is important. I agree that physical compatibility is necessary for a lasting relationship.
I am 50 and I look at least 10 yrs younger. Nobody I run into can believe it, and I have even passed for 38. With that said, I’d still prefer to date someone around my age. I tried to get to know someone who was 40 when I was 49, and his immaturity blew me away. I am hoping that someone around my age will have at least some of the same things in common.
Stillsingleat54
Women your age on these sites just look old. ?!?! Come on. How about in the world there are a lot of attractive 50 + yr old women. Believe it or not. We do not all “look old” or act old. I see what you are saying in a way. When you hit 50’s thats when people the same age can look very different. There’s 50 yr olds looking 40 yrs old and 50 yr olds who look 60 or 70 yrs old. Its quite amazing. But I think a guys who is always looking for women much younger aren’t really worth being with as a contemporary anyway.
Dave
I’m a 60 year old man and primarily date women from 50 – 60ish. What I seem to be encountering (mostly) are women who are angry and disappointed with men. With these women, as a man, I seem to have two strikes against me before they even get to know me. They seem bitter that they’re alone and, to a certain degree, take it out on prospective partners.
A surprising number of them don’t seem to understand the concept of ‘partnership’ in a relationship. Many just aren’t that interesting. Many have unrealistic expectations of what we should do for them…especially every birthday, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, anniversary. They still expect to be wined and dined like they’re still in their prime.
Many want exciting sexual relationships, but haven’t taken care of themselves. I certainly don’t expect physical perfection at our ages, but I work to stay in shape and hope my partner understands the need to make an effort in this area too. Especially if they want “hot” sex. Many women also don’t have “skills” in the bedroom.
I sucks, at my age, to be “held responsible” to some degree for all of the mistreatment women may have received before I was in the picture.
Debbie
If a man is genuine, respectful, and attentive, he deserves a chance. It is not fair to judge someone you don’t even know by what some other guy did or didn’t do.
Sorry, Dave, that you’ve been treated so poorly. You sound like one of the good guys.
Confirmed Bachelor
Gentlemen, I understand your frustration over the current state of relations between the sexes.
It’s never been easy, and the search for (insert your goal here) has become exponentially more difficult since we were young.
I’ve solved my problem; I simply quit searching for something that no longer exists. I’m good with it, and have no regrets. Life is simple, peaceful and quiet now; no more drama.
According to what I read on the net, I’m part of an ever-increasing cohort of men of all ages who’ve drawn the same conclusion.
MGTOW
MGTOW!!!
Older successful men have it easy. We have zero interest in similarly aged or older women. We have two decades of younger possibilities. I would never date a woman my age (50) – why would I?
Unfit, overweight, bitchy, demanding, nutty – all get you swiftly eliminated. No, marriage is not on my agenda. Maybe in 10 years, but there are plenty of 39 year olds today who will be in your shoes in 10 years (and equally as desperate).
Those seeds you planted in the 80s and 90s are being sown ladies… (Career over family, demasculating divorce laws, free divorce, custody preferences, alimony, etc.)
I have zero sympathy.
jenny
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Debbie
How much money is this person making off of others who can’t or won’t deal with reality?
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Debbie
It’s magic!
Jack Shepherd
I read your article twice just to make sure I had a handle on it. Here is my dating experience since my wife tossed me to the curb in 07. I’ve been in two long term relationships that were miserable. One of the women I had known years ago and the other chased me hard until I finally let her catch me. Both of these women were total control freaks with almost zero interest in a love life. I’m talking so bad that anytime they actually wanted to be intimate, all I could think about was how many weeks before it happens again? One is a supervisor at a women’s shelter. Go figure. When I asked them why they were so afraid of me leaving them their answer was “because I love you”. HUH? If you love me why are you abusing me? I’ve used some dating sites since I turned 50 and I have been fairly successful at meeting women my own age. It seems once they think they have me locked in, out come the meat hooks. Then they get pissed when I bail. Why? Every woman that I have dated since 2007 all said the same thing. “You are so different”. “I can’t believe you are still single”. But they have all been cut from the same cloth. Total sweethearts until they think they have me locked in. I don’t think I’m asking for a lot. I tell them upfront that I want a love life and I want to be treated how they want to be treated. I’m fully functional and I believe I’m a very generous lover. I make sure they get theirs no matter what. I’m completely clueless to what I’m doing wrong.
Debbie
Jack……I am sorry this has happened to you. I don’t think you are asking for anything unreasonable, and I can’t understand the concept of a woman loving you but she doesn’t want to be intimate. Seems like a contradiction and very immature on her part.
The last relationship I had was after my divorce. This new man and I had lengthy conversations before we ever became intimate. He explained his physical needs and expectations and I explained mine. We worked everything out, he was very generous in bed, and his needs were met whenever he wanted it. We were both very happy in that regard. We only parted because a heart attack claimed his life after suffering for many years with medical problems.
It is my experience that physical intimacy enhances other aspects of the relationship, meaning emotional stability and satisfaction, trust, bonding, etc. My advice is to continue to clarify what you want early on when you notice that a relationship is getting serious. Don’t waste your time on women who do not understand a man’s needs and is only concerned about her own. If a woman truly “loves” you, as you’ve heard them say, there should be no problem with compromise and giving in the relationship, especially as it relates to the bedroom.
I really hope you find someone who isn’t selfish and who will respect you. You deserve that.
David
“Don’t waste your time on women who do not understand a man’s needs” but us men do not just want to satisfy our needs but want a women to desire a sexual loving relationship not just someone who isn’t selfish and shows respect – unfort. MDs are very clear that women after menopause change a lot include no longer having the desire – it is disheartening but is the big reason why us 50 something men are forced to go younger.
Debbie
David…I understand what you are saying. Unfortunately for a woman like me who is 52, done with menopause, attractive, genuine, loving, and still wanting physical intimacy with a man I care about…it is hard to find a man my age looking for what you just described. The men I have encountered have too much baggage, don’t care to date, or just don’t take care of themselves. I moved to a more rural area and the men here more often than not don’t even care to shave their faces. There just are not many options for me. I’m not one to go sit in a bar or waste my time and money on dating sites. Been there, done that.
Benahli
I see this was in 2017. Did it get better? What do you mean the meat hooks come out? I keep sabotaging things, I think. I see red flags everywhere and am too quick to end things. Then regret it. Just did it again but I really don’t know if the red flags were valid or if I wasn’t being fair (56 year old female but very active and healthy and don’t have problems getting dates, but I am so gun shy I blow it).
Alexandra
You sound very bitter. I never want to grow to be an old woman, sounds awful.
Debbie
Crazy thing……I just read an article online at Psychology Today called “5 Reasons Men Insist That Women Be Difficult.” It describes how men prefer women to be raving b*tches over being nice. Nice is boring and doesn’t satisfy the competitiveness, mentality, and sex drive in men. That article pretty much mirrored the concept that women prefer the bad guy to the good guy.
Now here you guys are saying that you want someone nice and are tired of the difficult women out there, so I’d like to know your take on that article if you have the inclination to read it.
Barry L.Scott
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Annonomous
It’s not your fault that the world is consumed by complete narcissistic buttholes. I am starting a journey to continue the rest of my life. Anyone who wants to rejoin their life can. After airing all the dirty laundry who cares? I look back and don’t want to get bogged down by it…It still stinks. I think I will give that up.
Frank
Just a few thoughts from a man aged 58:
– If you want to meet a man, you’ll have better luck meeting them if you do things that men enjoy that you also like to do. That’s a classic method for those of either gender at any age. If you want to even the odds, go where the odds are uneven (but make sure you’re doing it because you like the activity, and not because you think guys only like watching the NFL or start skiing even if you hate the cold or because extreme sports enthusiasts [like me] are 80% men – if you are doing it for a fake reason, it’ll show).
– If you go to bars, you’re going to be far more likely to meet men with alcohol problems and who sit around too much.
– Stay off the internet dating sites. You’ll meet real people in the real world if you get into the real world.
– Get physically fit and stay trim. I see woman after woman over 40 (not just over 50) who are 50 to 100 pounds overweight and few that are in shape. Not only are these women unattractive to me, but if I think to the future, this means heart attack, diabetes, hip and knee replacements and couch potato, none of which seem interesting. Is this someone I’m going to travel with as I age, or be able accompany me up a mountain or even on a slow bike ride? When my doctor told me to lose weight 15 years ago, I lost 40 pounds in 3 months and kept it off, so it can be done.
– My daughter is 21. 30-year-olds are way, way behind me. I was naive then, and so are they. I’ve gained a lot of knowledge since then, and really don’t want someone who can’t understand what it’s like to deal with kids who are teenage and college-age, or what it’s like in the working world at a middle to senior level. The plus side is that the younger ones (and I’m not chasing them) are upbeat and optimistic. Despite your claims, if you can be upbeat and positive, you can find a man your age.
John
Bad advice girls.
This guy is hung up on the commercial perfect woman!
Dave
Somewhat recently out of a LTR. Mid 50s, find women of all ages attractive, started chatting w/ a woman in her mid 60s at Costco who I may have asked out if not for the ring. Being tall and friendly helps, but I’m not perfect. Some of my friends claim single older women are bitter… I am staying open minded.
I do want women to know we find women in their 50s or older sexy… there is the blonde suburban sexy / soccer Mom look, women with sparkling eyes and wit, the curvy busty look, naughty redheads (real or borrowed)… though I don’t understand those hairdos that are short on one side, and then tapers down at a steep angle, and curled? … opps! However, I have met a number of women who have completely let themselves go, chatter constantly, often interrupt, and then whine about not being able to find a man. I hear these women talking to each other, and wonder if they ever dish the truth. Let the “ex” go. Are you 20 pounds off a reasonable weight, or 70? Do you seek a flawless man?
Maybe women in their 50s need to take a few risks, flirt a little. Maybe some guys are being polite when they put you in the friendzone. If a date or fling only lasts a few weeks, don’t take it personal. You’re in the game.
Here in NorCal we also have to deal with whacky liberalism, exhorbitant living costs, pot and iPhone obsessions. What ever happened to a bottle of wine, a DVD, and making out?! Merry Christmas, hoping you find some mistletoe to stand under in your high heels!
Aramis
Ha ha. Merry Christmas indeed! I’ve been enjoying this thread (while my adult kids packed to head for the “other house”). I guess I’m in the “glass half full camp.” I think Dave gave some good advice on the 17th. Agree that the 50 something ladies are alright. We can do this my friends. Sorry to be trite, but it is a numbers game and it takes effort. I think the good advice is that it starts with taking care of oneself in all the ways discussed above. It takes love and understanding. It takes the willingness to be curious about the special things that make others who they are.
59. Married twice. Living the Dream on the W. Coast.
To 2018 and finding Love and trying to enjoy it a bit more along the way!
Steve
Hi, I’m from Australia and thought I would post my story and experience. I am mid forties and divorced after almost 20 years of marriage. 5 kids, happy marriage for a long time but the last 6-7 years got really difficult. Eventually my ex-wife cheated on me with a work colleague in his late fifties who had been divorced. I still call him scum because what sort of man chases a married woman more than 10 years younger with 5 kids, some of whom are still very young? Anyway, after picking myself up off the floor and initially saying I didn’t want another relationship and to open myself up to be potentially crushed again, I plucked up the courage and joined a couple of internet dating sites.
I figured I was still young enough, had a great job, was fit, healthy, not bad looking and might be able to find someone. I focussed mainly on the profiles of the women on the sites and was only really interested in women from their late thirties through to mid to late forties. I didn’t want someone who wanted more children, and I also didn’t want someone who only wanted me for my money or job status.
I did need to be physically attracted to the woman though, otherwise I figured it wouldn’t work in the long run but I based my search first on the profile, if they didint have the same or similar interests as me or seemed too hard to please, then I didn’t care what they looked like, I steered well clear. I messaged a number of women over the first couple of months and never even received a reply. I started to wonder whether there was something wrong with me or with my own profile, but then I received a reply from a lovely lady in her early forties who was divorced with three children. She is of Philo background but lived in Aust. since she was a teenager. We had a meet up, my first ever, and have been dating now for about 8 months. We have heaps in common and connect on so many levels. Sexually we are a perfect match and this has been a revelation after never being really all that sexually compatible with my ex wife, despite having 5 kids. I still am nervous about getting taken advantage of, and is she just looking for some finance to look after her kids, but so far so good. It’s not easy dating again after divorce and my own children are still not entirely comfortable with it, even though they seem quite comfortable with my ex wife dating the guy who broke up our marriage, but I’m happy so far and if it doesn’t work out I am still confident that looking for someone similar in age is the best strategy. They are more likely to be looking for the same things in life as you are, and from what I’ve found the sex with someone in their forties is absolutely awesome still, no need to chase after a 20sometning, I’m not sure why men think this is a good idea, leave them to the younger guys.
Debbie
Steve……..great story. Thanks for sharing. It makes sense and gives some hope to this situation.
I think some men like to date much younger women to boost their ego. In their 40’s and 50’s or the so-called mid life, some men need affirmation that they are still young and viable. I truly think some men have that mid-life crisis to where they feel the need to reassess themselves and their life. Being able to date younger women makes some men feel desired and still in the game. Just my opinion based on countless articles I’ve read and people I know and talk to.
At least you finally had some luck with a dating site. When I had a membership I had lots of annoying things happening including no responses from men, so I finally ditched the dating site. I won’t pay for bad service from the site or aggravation from potential dates. Maybe the old fashioned way of meeting people will work out better for me.
I hope everything works out for you. You sound like a great guy!
David
sex with 40 something is still good but after menopause (typically around 51) is a different story
Modern Day Viking
Very interesting read.
I am 50, recently single after an empty nest. I’m athletic, tall, have a successful career in medicine, play music publicly, make art, and and am told I’m handsome. I always liked women my own age, but now, the late 30-something and early 40 something women are all over me, no matter how much you tell them they’re too young. They treat me like they have found the holy grail, tell me as much, call me McSteamy, and are throwing all kinds of sexual energy my way. For most guys who like to feel like the sh#t (I say most of us), it is tempting, you get swept into it, and makes it hard to look at women my own age or older.
I realize this is already quite the douchy post, but it is also the truth, It just seems like the men my age who are fortunate enough to check a few of the right boxes (on paper anyway) are going to be actively pursued by younger women, and that the women our own age are left with men that check fewer boxes than they are used to. I realize that some of us are sort of paper tigers, have a few superficial qualities, but don’t know how to treat a woman right. I’m working on it.
I think what may cause me to gravitate back to women closer to my age, is that younger women often give me all kinds of drama, being jealous, disrespectful and volatile. I like that women my own age are more chill and can appreciate James Taylor 🙂
Guess we’ll see how it goes….
Debbie
That’s why I intend to stick to dating men around my own age of 50. I am hoping for the same level of maturity, a little more understanding and acceptance because of life experience, and some similar interests.
aha
I can relate to you in way that if you look good and take care of yourself, many more people will give you that extra attention, or so to say – throw themselves at you… It is ALL exciting an great!! BUT at the same time, I know that everything in life that gets ‘thrown’ at you – is somewhere lacking some deeper value! (Believe me, those women not only throw themselves on you, but on any other ‘candidate’ their eye catches, too!)
Good things in life come not easy, and a good woman will not be the one to jump straight into your lap…
Best luck to all who are searching…
Denise
I have really enjoyed this discussion.
I too find it difficult to date in my 50’s. I have been divorced 4 years. I fell in love with a man 2 years ago who is the same age as me, lots in common, but we did end up going our separate ways. Broke my heart. He was newly divorced and was not considering getting into a relationship and wanted to sew his oats. Sadly, I understood.
I dated men my age before him and after him, and it sometimes can last for several dates, or a couple of months, but it seems to always fall apart. I have realized that for most I have met, I am not young enough, thin enough, pretty enough…or do not meet the needs of whatever else is on their wish list. I have had a couple of men who date younger say that women MY AGE are not interested in sex or adventure and are too much of the same…like their ex-wife. They have judged me without knowing a damn thing about me. Their loss because they have no idea. To these men, I do not give them one more second of my time.
But Instead of dwelling on closed minds, I decided to throw myself into my life 100%. I have gone back to school, I graduate next Spring, and I have decided to better my health, making a lifestyle change losing 40 pounds, eating better, working out regularly and feeling so much better. I have teens and I want to be around for them as long as I can. I am happy, I am busy and my life is full.
The man from two years ago came back into my life recently, and I admit, I was pretty happy to see him, but then I ran into a girlfriend I did not know he had, at least 15 years younger than us, thin, jobless, with small children and driving him crazy. He did not get one ounce of pity from me. He can have his 2nd, 3rd, 4th or whatever mid life crisis at someone else’s expense.
The bottom line is that I am not ruling out meeting someone… I WELCOME IT! And I do know that there is someone out there for me, my age, who will take me for the unique person that I am and be ok with the tattoo that I am getting tomorrow. lol I make no apologies for who I am. Gotta be me and me is pretty dang fabulous!
Debbie
Denise…..men complain that women are superficial, but some men are just as superficial as women, if not more so.
Thank you for posting. I like your outlook. You sound like a fantastic woman for any decent guy out there. It does take time to find them, but be patient and keep living your life. You’re doing great!
Marcus
Im in my early 60’s and dont apologize for being ‘superficial’. My favourite thing in the universe is the female body.
I met my gal three years ago. She’s my age. We met through a hiking club. We ‘re both into a very healthy lifestyle. We hike a couple days a week and usually go dancing on the weekends…2 hours of non stop loud Rock or Salsa (we took lessons).
Anyways she is a sexy, hot babe. I wouldnt be with her if she wasnt ‘hot’. No apologies. Of course there is a lot more to my attraction to her ( we like Nature, both play guitar, etc.) but the physical has to be there. Neither of us have an extra pound between us. Her being my age is a big plus…we relate to the same music, movies and can spend hours together surfing Youtube playing ‘do you remember…’
I have a lot of single male friends. I dont know any who are with or date women more than a decade their junior. Who they ‘don’t want’ to date is grandma. Nothing less attractive than short hair, glasses and frumpy. If a 60 year old woman keeps herself trim, puts on heels, has long hair, a dress then every guy’s head will still turn when she walks by. Pavlovian response. No mystery…be independent, successful, confident, modern, etc but foremost be sexy. There’s no need to compete with the 35 year old. We dont care about age…we care about you being on object of desire. Our couple friends have mostly met through our hiking group. Fit healthy people have no difficulties finding partners be they male or female.
On our first ‘date’ we went to an Improv comedy club. It was late when it ended. She is a semi retired nurse and had a shift that started at 8 the next morning. I loved her ‘completely’ when she agreed to go dancing until 2 AM at a Blues club. None of this ‘I have to get home because I need to get up at…’ It was like being 18 again….what counts is the two of us now. We’re both responsible adults but it’ll go a long way to attract a partner by recapturing some of that crazy teenage magic.
aha
Kudos to dating a woman your age!! It only proves that some men do not become snowflakes as they age (and throw themselves into dating younger women (read, ‘easy’ women, lack of their own confidence/maturity – they are easier to handle and not much into mans looks as they fully of youth themselves; but sadly, eventually they will move on from their ‘daddy’ figure to look for an equal, to start their own family!!!)
I’m a female, but much younger than you – I completely agree with you, we want our partner to be ‘hot’! well, at least looking good 😉
Robert
LOL, all the women here say they look much younger than they are. I think most of us guys would disagree with that. I am 63 and I date women in their 30s and 40s. They take much better care of themselves and they are Interested in sex. The over-50 ladies talk a good game but after a while they don’t put out like they should. No thanks, I will stick with the younger ladies.
aha
Robert, you can do what makes you happy!!! We all are entitled to make our choices in life!
BUT for me – to date a man, 20- 30 years my junior – OHHH, that is my dad, sitting right there in a front..! I have noticed that older men have their ‘well established’ opinions, and to win an argument when your ‘daddy’ says ‘so’ – is impossible!! (Not that I need to ‘win’ anything, but just to reach for the middle ground /compromise can be challenging wit people who ‘know it all’, because they have lived longer). Also flexibility in thinking is lost in older men! So, as a woman who also adores intellectual connection… older men losing me right there! Not to mention ‘other things’, which are NO less important..!
aha
correction *** NOT junior, but a senior***
Rob
LOL, all the women here say they look much younger than they are. I think most of us guys would disagree with that. I am 63 and I date women in their 30s and 40s. They take much better care of themselves and they are Interested in sex. The over-50 ladies talk a good game but after a while they don’t put out like they should. No thanks, I will stick with the younger ladies.
Debbie
Sounds like the 50 something women are mature enough and smart enough to not “put out” when that seems to be all a guy is interested in. Good for them!
John
I am now 59. After a long relationship and a bad breakup 10 years ago. I waited a bit before dating.
I don’t do the bar trolling thing. So I started the internet dating path. It has been shown that the compatibility questions on these sites have nothing to do with the success rate of dating. Women only reply if they are attracted to your photo or wealth. So no way men in their 50’s have an easier time dating unless you look like the Marlboro man.
Hay! I admit physical attraction still plays a big part of the original interest. I am financially secure, a good communicator and listener, and sensitive. I always wanted an equal to converse with and also dual support. Looks help the start but mean little long term.
I gave up trying to date 3 years ago. Not because I do not want a partner but more the quality (not looks) of the woman I met. My 2 big complaints are they got married early and had kids and want to do things that they missed out on. The other is they have no job, no money after 50 years and they are looking for a sugar daddy. I can be a SD but my days of the monitory support is over. If we are emotionally equal than I have no issue.
I also think where you live plays a big role. I have lived in several areas and their are culture differences. I grew up close to the Canadian boarder in the US and came back years ago. Actually my last “girlfriend” was Canadian.
Anyway. Most of us over 50 men have just as much dating issues as you do.
Anonymous
I disagree completely with this article’s title that asserts dating after 50 is easy for men but not so much for women. While there may be mathematically more single women than single men in the 50s demographic, how many of those men and women are still reasonably desirable? By that I mean how many are in shape, have not “let themselves go”, are not 50 lbs overweight (or more), are not frumpy and have maintained an element of style about themselves? IMHO, there are far more “fit” 50-something men than women. I’m in my late 50s and when I go to my local gym, I see plenty of “in shape” guys in my age bracket working out. Fit women? Not so much. Attractive, stylish, physically fit women over the age of 50 have their pick of men. Many of these women who use online dating sites know this and will not hesitate to point out that there are far more men than women on dating site “x” so the man better wow her if he wants a reply. Also not uncommon is that same woman stating that she’s looking for a guy 5-7 yrs her junior…and probably for the same reason guys want that.
Debbie
I am 50 and I tried a well known dating site. We have our pick of men, so you say, but that’s not necessarily true. I found online dating to be a waste of time and money. There was little contact from men, and the ones who did contact me were not desirable. I will not be dating someone who looks to be 300 pounds and claims he’s been homeless, or someone with enough white facial hair to rival Santa Claus.
I did take the initiative. When I contacted men whose profiles I liked they didn’t have the courtesy to respond. I even found that one of the men who had a lot in common with me was engaged to be married, yet still had an active profile going.
I think I have a lot to offer. I am attractive and look young for my age. I’m smart, funny, down to earth, loyal, and affectionate. I am not materialistic. I don’t care what a man does for work or what car he drives. And I do not have a weight problem. I can’t figure out what more a guy could want in a woman. I can only hope to find a nice partner the old fashioned way, but so far it hasn’t been easy.
Bill
I have found that a good number of women over 55 (they age I am looking to date) who are divorced are bitter and have a ‘what can you do for me’ attitude, life didn’t turn out as they expected and they are mad and it shows. Well, my life didn’t turn out the way I expected, get over it and put it behind you. Who gets married expecting to be divorced! My other divorced friends agree that this is a problem and then these same women wonder why you break up with them. If I can give one suggestion to people, put all the baggage away and get on with your life, develop a happy disposition and look forward to the rest of your life. DOn’t complain about not having someone when you are giving off a less than desirable message!
Debbie
Bill…..I am 50 and I have been divorced. Sure it was crappy to go through it, but it is SO over. My life even to this date has not turned out the way I expected but I still have hope for the future and have lots of great relationships and interests in my life that make me happy.
I am not bitter and don’t expect a man to have to do something for me. I just want a nice guy to share life with and to have fun with. Someone who will have my back and I’ll have his. I get just as much pleasure loving someone as I get by being loved. I am not looking for a younger man either. I want someone close to my age but would consider a few years younger or older.
It is no wonder that it’s hard to find a nice guy when they view women so poorly in my age range. Well, I am here to tell you that we are not all the same. Some of us are great women who are a pleasure to be around. Please don’t judge us all as being bitter and miserable.
Over the Hills and Far Away
What brings me here? Curiosity, the search for answers, the comfort knowing I’m not the only one seeking, perhaps? Such intriguing replies. As far as my “two cents”…
Cent No.1 – I will be 48 this year and for 17 months now, I have been dating a wonderful man that is 10 years older. Knowing men prefer younger works for me since I prefer older, within limits. I have no respect for an older man looking to have an intimate relationship with a girl young enough to be his daughter. My boyfriend and I met online. Luckily for me, he was not into dating women too much younger. We are both somewhat fit, like to hike and enjoy being outdoors. He and I have shared some odd and humorous dating stories. As for me, I look at every poor choice in a positive way. At the very least, it was a learning experience. I learn from it and move on.
I love my boyfriend, he he loves me, but our fate is yet to be determined. We are both divorced from being married 20+ years, no dependent children. Where I am independant and chose to forgo any alimony, his ex wife is the typical greedy norm. Therefore, I understand why he would be gun shy to getting married again, and if so, wanting a prenup (that I have reservations about). I am not in a hurry to get remarried, however, I am not interested in being just a bed buddy for an infinite time. I want to find my soulmate again, I thought I had it. I want to grow old with someone special. I don’t want to just shack up with someone for years without a commitment, I would rather be single. I have learned to follow my head more than my heart so I have made a mental decision to give our relationship another year to develop further. If it doesn’t move forward by then, I will move on. I don’t want to waste investing my time loving someone that just wants a girlfriend for the rest of his life.
Cent No.2 – Lukily for me as well, my boyfriend loves me the way I am. Meaning NOT sporting fake boobs, fake eyelashes, fake nails, botox, etc. Is this what men like and want now? Hell, might as well throw in fake personalities too, eh?!?!
Anonymous
Read the post by “Confirmed Bachelor” from October 31, 2017. The guy just nails it. The “must haves” and “deal breakers” I see on some women’s dating profiles are literally exhausting. I’ve concluded that dating in our 50s is much harder than we were in our 20s. Let’s be real here: Newly single and physically vibrant men in their 50s are looking for sex – the more the merrier and the hotter the better. It’s likely that many have gone years without for whatever reasons, so now they want “fun times.” Yes, we also want to find that special someone to grow old with, BUT, the former is gonna have to come before the latter. That’s just DNA and biology. The “3-date” rule that women hate does exist for many, but not all, men. Meanwhile, women want the soulmate, the companion, someone who’ll listen, the idealized guy who meets that laundry list of criteria. It’s all so frustrating at times.
David
I need to have a wife that desires the physical side and even tho I am 58 I am in good shape and altho I prefer a women close to my age but as all medical facts make very clear women my age no longer desire sex – so I am forced to go younger … per-menopause. Fortunately, with one exception all women that have shown interest in me are mid 40s so I have a few years left.
Dave W
There are good and bad men and women out there. Most of the time its not good or bad, its compatible or incompatible.
I think with many women, its not the number of things that are deal breakers its that the things they want in a man contradict each other. I’ve heard women effectively say that they want a strong, manly man who will be do whatever they want them to do. They want a husband who’ll control them and tell them what to do but at the same time they want to control their husband and at the same time they want an equal partner. This is a deep emotional need for some women and some know it doesn’t make any sense and others know but rationalize it. They have a nice husband but end up having an affair with a truck driver or biker dude that orders her around in the bedroom because it is thrilling for her. Of course, this only lasts for a while because she is into the fantasy of a controlling man but isn’t interested in the reality of it.
This is not saying that men are perfect. Men are just as irrational as women but in different ways.
My ex-wife wanted me to help around the house but constantly changed her standards. Preferred brands changed from week to week with no pattern, If I asked her what brand she wanted this week, she was humiliated because she firmly believed that a wedding ring gave men the magic power to read their wife’s mind. If I guessed wrong, that proved to her I didn’t love her. If I didn’t buy it, it proved I didn’t love her. She was always angry and humiliated by anything that I did. I wanted to do stuff around the house but nothing I did was good enough and if as tried to ask her what she wanted she was humiliated. I ended up not trying to please her because it became clear that was a waste of time. I just tried not to get her angry and fly off into a rage where she would make my life miserable for weeks at a time.
Eventually the stress of trying to be perfect ruined my health and when she knew that she couldn’t push me into doing stuff, it was the last straw with her so she threw me out, broke and on disability.
The funny part is that I still love her. She was a wonderful woman between the times she flew off into rages for no good reason. It’s just that as I got sicker and sicker and more and more unable to play the mind games I needed to to keep her happy, the times of rage became more common and the good times less common.
I’d like to get a new relationship, but all of the posts above talk about men who have a good job and are healthy. I can’t keep a job now because if I’m put under stress for any length of time I’m bedridden for weeks until I recover. If I keep the stress fairly low, I can function at a decent level but I’m never going to be climbing mountains ever again. I’m about 20 pounds overweight and would be perfectly happy with a woman who is around the same. I don’t really care about looks that much, never did. I want someone that I can talk to. Someone who won’t fly off in a rage because I have to ask her for the 2nd time today “What brand of coffee do you want?” I’m highly educated but my illness has made me forgetful. I’d like to be able to talk about things that I am interested in once in a while. I love listening to women but it wears thin when a women tells me to shut up every time I try to talk about something that I’m interested in.
Debbie
Dave W…….I am sorry for what you’ve been through. It’s horrible to be treated like that. It’s abusive, and nobody deserves that.
Women as you’ve described, I would think, are very unstable individuals. To be so controlling and with mood swings indicates deep seated problems. Lack of self esteem jumps out at me, among other things like obsessive compulsive disorder. These women need to work on themselves and learn how to deal with every day life, how to let the small stuff go and focus on more important things, including respect for your partner and some understanding. Dealing with someone on a daily basis who clearly needs professional help has got to be draining to mind, body, and soul. It’s no wonder you became ill.
I don’t think every woman would judge you based on your health and job status. I certainly wouldn’t. I am not a control freak nor would I want to be controlled. I believe in mutual support of each other. I look at how a man treats people, how much he values his family and other human beings, how attentive and caring he is towards me. Just so you know, my last relationship was with a man who was on disability and only worked part time. He wasn’t rich financially but he was the sweetest, kindest, most generous man I have ever known, both in and out of the bedroom. I miss him terribly. He passed away six years ago.
You sound like a good man who tried to do the right thing and got your butt kicked for it. In a way I have some similar parts to my story. Like you I also have to keep stress at a minimum for my optimal functioning and wellbeing. I understand the importance and necessity of peace in my life, but occasionally I also enjoy some adventures.
Take good care of yourself. That means be kind to yourself and try to do some activities that have meaning for you and make you happy. Get out more for nature walks. They are very healing for the mind and can help you shed a few pounds if you combine it with healthy eating, which you should be doing anyway if you are not in good health. These things can help you feel better overall, as well as feel better about yourself as a person. Take a class or do something to mingle with people. You just never know. If you put your positive self out there you will attract something good. Keep the faith.
PiscesGirl
I have found this thread very interesting. Any such a wide variety of comments. I have just passed my one year anniversary of being divorced. Not sure what the future holds or even what I want from it. My marriage was not good for the last several years so sadly after 26 years together there is not much to miss…the sad thing is I would have stayed and kept trying. However now this year has shown me that closing that door has changed my life for the better as well. I am finally taking time for me…not the husband or child, who’s now 20 and on her own. I am 52 and find it scary to even think about dating again. Reading some of these stories shows me that it will be hard at this age. Hell, I haven’t been on a date in 27 years, but hopefully I will know when it’s the right time. I still believe in love and I believe you can find true love more than once. We all change as we age as do our interests. I have a few male friends who are dating and/ or are married to much younger women. They are all happy but All have made mention of the generation gap being an issue at times. I do believe that age is just a number but at the same time it seems if there is a span of too many years that alone could cause issues. I guess if the connection is there you work around the age issues.
Starlight
I am curious: what sort of “generational gap” are your friends talking about? Are they actually married to people who are a generation younger than them? (A “generation” is 15 – 25 years.) Even so, what could possibly be the problem? I am 56, and all of my friends are 10 – 28 years younger than I am (they seek ME out, not the other way around), yet there is absolutely no perceivable “gap” in our conversations and interaction. Do your friends mean trivial things, such as the odd cultural reference? If so, I cannot imagine what impact could that have on a relationship.
Butch
Turned 50 in December, though never fat – had gained a few extra pounds and always been muscular. I had already quit drinking (not a problem drinker) and lost 25 pounds prior to my birthday and wanted to kick off a year of recovery to myself. Now, the rest of the story – I had been living with my wife for 17 years and married since 2006. I gave up my career when she graduated college in 2007 and started job hopping up the ladder. Moving every 18 months or so made it very difficult for me to start a business or once started, relocating even farther from my target market area. We would purchase foreclosed homes when we moved and while living in the home, I would start the remodel (some completely gutted with all new siding and windows as well) and many times, before I could finish – she would be off to a new house and job while I finished and sold the last one. We even had 2 rentals a state away I managed and maintained. The last house, I started one year ago and she immediately took a job in another state…I finally finished in November. Made great money, I thought we were happy and kept thinking this is too perfect. She praised me constantly, we never fought.
On Dec 31st, came in early from deer hunting to check on her. I had been waiting on her hand and foot for 4 days due to a double hernia surgery and as I came up from the lower level of house to main floor, heard her on speaker phone telling a man how pampered I was and they were complaining how selfish their spouses were….then the big one – she told him she could not wait to make love to him again. This from a woman that just posted on FB what a great best friend, husband and lover she had taking care of her. The cheater was the same man that I totally trusted her to look into forming a consulting partnership. The same married guy of integrity and 58 years old…that had contracted work at her facility for safety. While I was up living in a construction zone, coming home on weekends to work/maintain our new house, the two were having all kinds of fun and I was so beaten down…did not catch it.
Now the part I find so amazing. I read here and heard from my wife (she is 36) that I did not have a career and she needed someone that dreams big. She loves me and will always love me, but she needs to move on. I could not believe what I was hearing….so for you women out there that want a successful man that has his own money etc – today the dynamic has changed are there are great looking men that have given up our lives to support a successful woman. As for my soon to be ex, she kept telling me and her family that she wants to have a child and all other blah, blah, blah…but she never had her constant menstrual issues checked. Up until I caught her, it was more about how much money they were going to make versus the great money we made each year. He would rent a plane etc…more of a higher status than being loyal to the man that dedicated an important part of his life to her and her career.
Just amazing as I start over.
Debbie
It shocks me to hear about the inconsiderate and selfish acts of some women today. I just can’t relate to that at all. Seems that these women want to be recognized for a prosperous career, like men, but they don’t care who they hurt in the process. It’s cold and not feminine at all.
Butch, please be assured that all women are not like your wife. I would be happy with a hard working, loyal, dedicated man like yourself. I am not materialistic and don’t care about heaps and heaps of money, renting planes, and all that. A lot of men with that kind of money are pompous and into themselves. A complete turn off for me.
You sound like a successful man in your own right and you will be ok on your own. Don’t rush into anything and start doing more things for yourself in the way of hobbies and other activities. Try to be positive, and when you’ve healed from this relationship I am sure you will attract a good hearted woman. We are out there.
Anonymous
Butch – “He would rent a plane etc…more of a higher status than being loyal to the man that dedicated an important part of his life to her and her career.” Check out “female hypergamy” on the internet. That will explain everything to you.
Debbie
Wow, I just got educated. I didn’t know what female hypergamy was until I just looked it up. I honestly don’t know what to say. This description of female behavior is not something I can relate to at all. I never looked at men this way and I only strived to find a kind man to share my life with. I am not always looking for something better when I find a good man.
The first time I married it was to an alcoholic. I didn’t know this at the time and I fell in love with him based on his personality. I was young and the marriage only lasted 2 years. The second man I married was poor when I met him. We were still young but I fell in love with his caring nature. I am the one who paid to have his refrigerator turned on in his studio apartment because he couldn’t afford the cost of electricity to run the refrigerator. I married him after 3 years and he decided afterwards to go to college. After 8 years of school he ended up with two Masters degrees and then tossed me out of his life because I was not good enough FOR HIM anymore, after 19 years together and my unconditional love and support.
Afterwards I had a boyfriend who was the kindest man I have ever known, but his health was not great. He was not wealthy but I loved him a great deal. Within two years he passed away. I gained nothing financially from him, and he didn’t own a house or much of anything else except his car.
I have loved men all of my life for who they are as human beings, not for what they had in the bank, where they worked, or what car they drove. I honestly didn’t care. They worked and supported themselves and when times were good I was very happy. I don’t understand putting conditions on love. To me that means it is not true love. I love unconditionally. If a man is kind, respectful, and there is some chemistry, I love with everything I have and they earn my loyalty. I have forgiven much with each of the men I have been with while we were together, but make no mistake. I am nobody’s doormat.
I just sit here shaking my head in disbelief over how through the years people have changed their priorities so radically and how poorly they treat others. Makes sense why most of us here have a hard time finding quality relationships when people have become so selfish. The trust is just gone.
Anonymous
Debbie – A key point that “female hypergamy” believers will make is that this behavior is not conscious. It is DNA-hardwired into women over the millennia. Just as a man’s DNA wants him to “spread his seed” with as many different women as possible, in order to ensure his bloodline, a woman wants the “best possible man” who will provide her with the “best” children and best food, shelter, security as possible. As but one example I read, women are often attracted to men with tattoos because they believe they have higher testosterone than other men, thus they will make better children. Conversely, and here’s the rub, they also believe they do not make as good life partners as some other men.
Debbie
That is all just weird to me. Maybe some of this is hardwired in, but at some point you have to use the brain you were given. Relationships are a hell of a lot more than just immediate perceptions, physical attraction, and sex drive.
I don’t feel I was hardwired to always look for the most attractive, richest, or toughest looking men but I have a high standard when it comes to respect and kindness. And yes, it is an added bonus to find an attractive man. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who was very overweight but I have had relationships with men who didn’t have perfect bodies. Physical attributes can often be worked on and I respect a guy who is trying to better himself by being more healthy. I became attracted to men I never thought I would because I used my brain to assess their character and intentions and in the end they became attractive to me as a whole person. Good men come in all shapes and sizes.
I guess I may be different than most women out there but I am ok with that. I believe every person deserves a chance to be their best selves. If a guy treats me with respect and kindness, he in turn deserves my respect and loyalty.
Over the Hills and Far Away
I too, agree with Debbie… “Butch, please be assured that all women are not like your wife. I would be happy with a hard working, loyal, dedicated man like yourself. I am not materialistic and don’t care about heaps and heaps of money”…
Having money helps but it’s not on the top of my list. When it comes to money, I look for someone responsible and somewhat conservative without a lot of debt. I am actually turned off by men who try to impress women with material things. My boss is like one of those arrogant men. I just roll my eyes and think “ugh!”.
I’m a simple hard working woman who appreciates a hard working man, that doesn’t need the glam to be happy. I hope men that read these posts are aware not all women are gold diggers or impressed with men who flaunt their money. This is coming from a divorcee that turned down alimony after a 20 year marriage.
Good luck to you Butch. Best thing you can do with every experience, good or bad, is learn what you can from it and move on. Life is too short.
Tim
Unless you are a male in Boise, Idaho. This area is best for women. I’ve talked to many men is the Treasure Valley area, many find it extremely hard to find ladies. Either they’re married or state they have a “boyfriend”: I’ve heard it many times. Online dating? It is horrible unless you are made of $$$. I am moving; not so much because of the dating issues but because I am retired and enjoy riding my Harley Davidson. Heading to the east coast. I love history and want to visit many areas.
Orrin
Relationships are cake. 💰 is hard. If 💰 is easy for you, I’ll give “relationship” for 💰. — O.H. (male over 50)
Lynda
Hello, I am a 43 years old single mom. Am a Mdl. i am an optimistic person who loves living life and wants to share it with someone else.for me, the best ways of spending free time are traveling outdoor, cultural events, and watching TV shows…
Confirmed Bachelor
Brilliant quote from a friend of mine: “These days, most women are like serious traffic accidents; I look as I go by, and I’m glad I’m not involved…”
Debbie
Ha! I’ve heard women say similar things about men!
dawn LEARSY
I am not sure women after a certain age are truely compatible with men. Men and women seem to help define each others adult sexual identity as sexually potent beings As our potency declines, or the honeymoon of youth ends, many women are left with firm identities. Men are left with ineffectual working parts, lack of emotional growth, and certain criteria and needs that women in their 50 would not exchange their freedom for their partnership. Men are not as need, not as attractive, can not preform and most importantly are unwilling to take the spirtual step of being and accepting partner that is able to have the strenght to grow old with in brave and effective manner. Men are only for our youths unless they exceptional.
Debbie
I totally disagree with that. I think it is great that many women have their identities in place by 50, but truthfully I know women that age and older who are a total mess, with no self worth or self esteem. I am a firm believer that if a person uses his or her life experiences as a means to see that all of us are unique individuals deserving of kindness and respect, a relationship could work, even if each person maintains their own space. I know of people who have met later in life and have wonderful relationships. I think we need to give men more credit. Maybe what they need is a woman’s faith and trust in them, a chance to prove that they can measure up and hold their own in a relationship, without being judged.
FineIn50s
Wow. I just read the entire contents of these replies. i am 54 years old. Divorced, 2 grown self sufficient children. Financially stable, attractive, active. Men in my area and my age group are either sickly, broke, bitter, or all of the above. And most of them are really overweight with bad hygiene. I did date a relatively attractive guy that had been divorced 10 years, he was still really bitter about it and I heard about how crappy she did him daily. I did not do this to him–the wife HE chose did it to him. He cheated on her and he paid dearly. Look, folks, people get treated terribly in this life. Men use women lots of times for sex and dump them. Oh, And she better look good so he can use her for sex and dump her! Women use men for money lots of times and have no remorse. A whole lot of you older men keep saying you are dating younger women for the sex, but alot of you are pissed because you are judged or passed over for your lack of funds. Using for sex is just as pissy as using for money. Come on……both sexes are using each other in very nasty ways. And all of us should have been more careful about who we chose to have children with and who we gave ourselves to. If you were taken to the cleaners by the judicial system in a divorce; in days gone by you were allowed to walk away and pay hardly anything while you picked up with another women and started a whole new family for yourselves. So, things have swung off in the other direction now. Sometimes it is a bit too severe. But after reading this, I dont really think that I relish the idea of dating anyone with the kind of opinions that most of you have, Whatever problems or price a man had to pay for a woman HE chose to be involved with was not done by myself. It is unfortunate that it happened to him but that was the woman he chose for himself-not my doings. Any of us who got a bad one needs to fess up and take responsibility for your own awful choices. And yes, Dawn Learsy, most men have ineffectual working parts, are sickly, and broke ( due to some other wench he chose). Most of them are only for our youth because they gave everything to someone else and they want you to be ok with what’s leftover when they are getting old. Yuck!! What would anyone want with that?
Dave W
I agree on you about bitter. There are many people who cannot let things go. Being bitter is not exclusive to men. Sickly and broke tend to go together. A major medical problem can bankrupt the most organized and hard working person in an instant. Around 75 percent of marriages break up when one partner is seriously ill. About 1/3rd of americans are overweight. Sixty percent of americans have a chronic health condition and 42 percent of americans have more than one chronic health condition.
if you eliminate all people who are either overweight and/or have some other sort of chronic health condition, you are eliminating 60 or 70% of possible partners. And this is of all americans. If you are talking about men over 50 years old, it’s approaching 75%.If you add in that the man has to be well off, you’ve just made the pool even smaller. At this point, you haven’t looked at everything else that might come into play, whether or not you can have interesting conversations, for example.
I understand you frustration with finding a suitable partner, but if you are going to automatically eliminate 75% of potential partners because they are not able to do many of the same things in their 50’s that they could in their twenties, you are making the search more difficult. People who insist on high standards have to realize that as people get older, the percentage of the population who are good looking, have no chronic illnesses, have money, don’t have any emotional baggage from previous relationships and who are not already married gets smaller and smaller as they get older.
This is true for everyone. Unless a guy is rich with lots of money to spend, it is going to be difficult to find a woman who is good looking, wealthy and has no health or emotional issues who is in her 50’s.
At this point there is a choice, either figure out what things are really important and let some things slide or hope you get lucky and find someone in the 5% of people who meets all of your standards and hope that you also meet their standards.
Debbie
All good points, Dave. My last relationship was with a man who had a heart condition and wasn’t rich. Only four years older than I was. He was kind, respectful, and generous with what he did have. He died 2 years later. I was his caregiver for many months after the first heart attack, and the second one did him in. Would I do it all again? Absolutely. There were parts of our relationship that were truly beautiful. He wasn’t the typical tall, suave guy, but he was a good man and it made all the difference in my life.
David
Debbie – seems you are unique. Notice that that you are the only women commenting. Interesting. Most women are only interested in the assets of a man which I find funny seeing that many women 50+ don’t have anything to offer a man! Women past menopause are no longer interested in being physical (sex) which is not their fault it is just fact.
Frank
75% of men over 50 are overweight or have a chronic health condition?
I’d like to see your research to back that up, unless you consider someone whose ideal weight is 185 who weighs 195 to be overweight.
Maddog82
I’m a 54 year old male. It’s extremely challenging to find women between say, 49 to 55. Most of the women I’m attracted to want younger men, between 30 and 40 years old. I don’t want to date a gal 10 to 20 years younger than myself. Any ideas ladies??
Debbie
I wish I had the answers for you. I just don’t understand this way of thinking. I am 50 and I want someone around my age as a loving companion and partner. I never wanted much younger. I don’t know what we’d have in common, nevermind the difference in maturity level.
Anonymous
Maddog82 – And the reason why they want the younger guy is ALWAYS the same! — “So he can keep up with me.” (LMAO)
Anonymous
Wow. I just stumbled across this forum and it appears from the # of comments, this issue has struck a nerve. As a 50-something man, I disagree completely with the article’s premise. There are all manner of caveats. While the overall total number of available women may outnumber that of men in this age group, my observation is that the number of stylish, fit women in this demographic is much lower than that of similar men. 50-something men are more than willing to date women their own age, however, they do not want to date “grandma.” Those 50-something women who have worked at maintaining a sense of style and have remained fit know this and they basically have “the pick of the litter,” i.e. younger man, looks, status, and $$$.
Debbie
I can understand men not wanting to date someone who looks like a grandma. I don’t blame you. If you look great and take care of yourself you deserve to be with a woman who does the same. I don’t have a weight problem. I am attractive, caring, and look much younger than my age, but I don’t feel I have the pick of the litter. I am finding that men around 50 can’t be bothered with honesty or respect, if I can find a suitable man at all. Never mind the immaturity. At 50 I just want a nice guy my age in reasonable shape to share my life with. Of course I want for the man to be able to support himself, but his money and status is not important to me. His integrity is. It may be hard for men in this age range to date, but it’s also no picnic for women, especially since I have found dating sites to be a waste of time, and I don’t care for the bar scene.
TooLip
Very well said Debbie. My feeling exactly. I do not want to date someone that is younger nor older than myself within a 2 year difference. It really limits the dating pool though. Oh well.
tom
@ Debbie This
“If you look great and take care of yourself you deserve to be with a woman who does the same.”
“especially since I have found dating sites to be a waste of time, and I don’t care for the bar scene.”
Same sentiment here
i don’t want arm candy i want a partner i can enjoy physical activities with ( not just sex lol ) and i’ve tired of the singles bars plus i don’t drink . Tried the usual
online
caffes
bakeries
markets
sporting events
social events
classes
meetups
Gyms
shopping malls
grocery stores
eat outs
art galleries
museums
and just generally being out and about
The few that i see that i’m attracted to are taken or not interested , Sigh !
tonysam
Look in the mirror before trashing women. Most men over 50 look terrible. Go to any high school reunion of 20 years or more. The women look far better than the men.
You dudes think you are hot stuff, but young women don’t want anything to do with you when they can find a hot man their own age.
phoenix men
Great Post. Really helped me, as I am going through the stages and didn’t realize there were “stages”. I have been a loner for the biggest part of my life. As a child, I was extremely shy and never really bonded with anyone. Every person I tried to befriend ended up dominating the relationship.”
tom
Read all of the posts and one thing is clear im not alone,which is reassuring..Male mid fifties 5′ 6″ reasonably fit @ 158lbs & 20% body fat.. i work out a few times a week with regular light cardio daily..i wouldn’t say i was attractive having a harsh olive mediterranean appearance nor am i wealthy but i do have financial responsibility and less than average debt.
Married /divorced once with 2 adult children..wife left me after 5 years for a wealthier man 13 years her senior that lasted 10 years before she cheated on him.
Fifteen years later i entered into what i thought would be a long term live together relationship ending in marriage but unfortunately she left me for a wealthier man 11 years her senior (he’s 59 ) . The disturbing part was that she was an attractive petite woman and lamented often that i had gained weight ( 6lbs ) often goading me into the gym with comments “don’t you want to look beautiful for you girl” & “your going to be a ft short old man ” and yet her new husband is 6′ @ 280Lbs with the majority being fat so much so she can barely embrace him and still clasp her hands..This has disturb me since i read of hypergamy a word i didn’t even know existed.
Now i know it was the money since she also lamented on my lack of it ” your not worth the financial convenience” “i cant believe i had to contribute financially to our relationship” ‘ i want to retire by 50 ” . The one thing that appears to be common is woman & hypergamy, it appears that in my experience and those of other men that women are opportunists and will quickly “branch swing” if the opportunity to upgrade becomes available.
Naively i believed until her that women entered into relationships for love,mutual attraction and so on the kind of things that are supposedly in romance novels but this is not the case for the majority, in particular those that are middle aged and perhaps like me no so financially well off as they ought to be. There have been many studies carried out,one need only google and a number of good studies show that as others have posted here women value “security” over and above all else & will willingly choose a male whom their not attracted to so long as they are provided for.
So here i am 53 and wondering should i or shouldn’t i get involved with another. I was very lucky twice in not loosing my assets & my sanity but will i be lucky the 3rd time or will i loose everything i’ve worked for and be financially ruined at 50+ ?
Debbie
Tom, I have read both of your posts and I am sorry for what you have been through. I am also sorry that being female I represent a population of selfish, self centered people. This entire situation when viewed as a whole is very sad and discouraging.
I assure you, there are still some good women out there, me being one of them. I am not materialistic but like nice things when I can afford them, but I am not out there specifically looking for a rich guy. I was never that type of woman, and I value hard work and appreciating what I do have. I truly want someone I can bond with, someone I am attracted to body, mind, and soul, someone I can have fun with and share my life with. I want a guy who actually wants to be loved, because I have so much to give.
I can see how hard it will be to find a “nice” guy willing to go the distance at this age, seeing as so many have been hurt and taken advantaged of. I try not to think that what I want out of a relationship is impossible anymore. Security for me is not all about finances, but more so that there is someone who has my back and who I feel safe with. I am an old-fashioned values type of woman, a woman who hopes there’s still a little chivalry left in the hearts of men.
All I can say Tom is to protect yourself. Don’t give yourself away all at once. Give any relationship a good deal of time to grow and develop, and pace yourself with the finances. You don’t have to get married again either. That is something you deal with if you’ve been in a relationship for a good amount of time and you have honesty and trust. Even then there is not an absolute need to marry. You will know deep down if it is right or not.
It is unfortunate that it is hard to find the genuine, considerate men like you in every day interactions. The last few men I have dealt with just disappeared. It appears that the guys who seem to need and want love the most just push it away when it is right there under their noses. Even acting as just a supportive friend has gotten me rejected. Men claim to want the real deal but then ignore it when it is made easier for them to achieve it. And I do make it easy for them by being open and honest with no games. I thought men would appreciate this. It’s just getting me hurt. I am trying very hard to understand men and give them the respect they want, but it is a very difficult situation, especially when they can’t afford me the same courtesy.
I wish you all the best, Tom. You deserve to be happy and fulfilled in your life.
Tom
Debbie relations between men and women have reached an all time low with neither trusting the other this leads to a lack of interaction and commitment ..no involvement equals no hurt. Its so bad that young men have a growing movement MGTOW ” men going their own way” basicly men will endeavour to sleep with women but thats it. singles in some countries now outnumber couples. Good people pay the price for the bad things that others do or say.
Im not likely to remarry nor have a live in defacto rs its just to risky at my age and thats sad cause i am a good man but i cant tell if a woman i enter into a rs with is going to do the same as the last ones.
One has to ask what is going on with people nowadays.
Kitty
Hey, Tom.
First, I want to say to keep up the hope that you’ll find a good woman that you deserve and who deserves YOU and the love you’ll give her. We are our here. Not all of us shallow, money grubbing strumpets ;} but I get your fear. There are too many people–both women AND men–who just use other people for a variety of reasons. Once you’ve been taken advantage of one too many times, it is hard to trust again. But do you really want to live the rest of your life feeling that way? Maybe you can be open to love again just take financial/legal precautions when the time is right? If she loves you she’ll understand.
Kitty
Tom
Thanks Kitty
Twice in row being cheated on does a number on you for sure..i have doubts at times wether i chose the wrong women or wether i did something wrong..both were good women for first few years save for the domestic stuff as neither wanted to help out around home.the last one was the worse ,no help at all..my only complaint until she started drinking and became abusive.
When ever i confrionted her about the drunkeness and abuse she would gas light and deny having abused me to the point she actually believed she did nothing wrong..the abuse i cant understand is why say im fat and then marry a man twice as fat ? I wasnt a drinker,didnt party,wasnt wealthy always clean and tidy nothing like her new man so why enter into a rs with me ? How can one say after 4 years “your not who i thought you were” surely after year one you know who the person your with is.
Im a broken man and because of it ill most likely be alone for life.
Here in australia there is nothing you can do to secure your assets except to not have any.
NMJ
While I cannot speak to most women’s experience with most men, I can honestly say it is not so easy for men over 50 who actually want a serious, age appropriate relationship…many women I have met, while polite, seemingly decent, and up-front, tend to “interview on first meetings…behave as I recall 20 somethings did, and discount potential relationships based upon the presumption of knowing the “spark” or chemistry potential based upon a couple of hours. I suppose i is easy for men who are looking for hook-ups or equally bad, purely physical outcomes, but for those of us being clear, honest and searching for the long term relationship, it is essentially a desert…
Debbie
NMJ……that is very sad. I have had a few long term relationships in my day, and I can honestly say I didn’t have an instant spark with any of the men I have come to know. But that’s the point. I spent the quality time necessary to get to know who they were as men, and the attraction for me grew both emotionally and physically. Believe it or not, there are still some decent women out there not putting looks above everything else. Hang in there.
Anonymous
NMJ – as a man who is much closer to 60 than 50, it just seems like the number of available, age-appropriate women who are reasonably fit and stylish are few and far between. Those few who are – well, they know it – and are seeking a “younger” guy who, in their words, can “keep up.” Lotsa $$$ doesn’t hurt either. I maintain that this post’s title assertion is utter BS. In fact, the reverse is true for women… IF they have worked at remaining some semblance of physical fitness and style.
Debbie
Anonymous……..I am sorry you feel that way but I respect what you’re saying. Maybe you think it is easy for women to find a good man but my luck has been terrible. I am attractive with a nice figure, funny, smart, and affectionate. I am confident in who I am. I don’t need a man for money or status, nor do I want a man years younger than I am. I work with the public and I dress and conduct myself professionally. I am friendly towards everyone. Not one man has shown any interest.
I am out and about, but I don’t care for the bar scene, and online dating has been a waste of my time and money. The few men I have met besides this method have not appreciated me for who I am and just disappeared without a word. At almost 51, I still hold out hope that there is love out there for a decent, kind woman, but it has been a tough road.
tom
Yep no matter where i go the men greatly outnumber the women and stats show that the vast majority of women will choose a financially successful man over a just getting by man regardless of physical appearance and they know how to tell the difference .Those romance novels women read are not true to life and i have my doubts as to whether love or attraction is a consideration for the majority of todays women.. Ive read many stories where women have selected their partners solely based on income rather than attraction. If things dont work out they can and will branchswing taking 50+% of mans assets all the children and do it all over again..its a wonder why the number of single young adult males is on the rise when you consider the divorce stats..
65% marriages end in divorce & of those 75% are initiated by women so that means that 75% of husbands in 65% of RS are no good , an unlikely number.
The stats on infidelity are even worse with women almost taking over the men although i suspect its higher since women hide the truth far better than men and the majority would not admit to cheating even when the evidence is out in the open..another statistical fact..women can cheat for a very very long time and husbands are clueless & usually the last to know.
“Men like to believe women dont cheat & women want men to believe they dont cheat”
Debbie
Tom…..I have been reading all your posts and I think this all comes down to the integrity of people and the respect they have for others. I was never a cheater and don’t ever intend to be. I respected my partner and would never want to cause him that kind of hurt. In return I have been cheated on in at least two out of the three long term relationships I have had, and one of those was a 19 year relationship (16 years married).
You are absolutely right. The good and decent among us are truly paying the price. It is a damn shame. You sound like a good guy and I truly hope one of the few decent women left in the world will find you.
Anonymous
tom – “…75% of husbands in 65% of RS are no good, an unlikely number.” You are correct it’s unlikely. In fact, I recall reading a large study where many women who initiated a divorce at age 50 or shortly thereafter stated that there was nothing really wrong with their ex-husbands. They admitted they were good, sturdy men. The women simply fell out of love and no longer wanted to be married to that man, or any man for that matter. Others admitted that they wanted to do better.
Debbie
Anonymous…….these “good, sturdy men” who are left behind are most likely decent and hardworking men who are just trying to do their best. I have so much respect for that and would love nothing more than one of these great guys in my life.
I don’t believe there is perfection in any person or relationship, and trying to work your way up through your relationships for something better while you are hurting people along the way is just plain wrong. In that case you aren’t in it for love. You’re in it for your own selfish needs instead of finding value in a good man who is really trying his best to please you and has proven himself to have integrity and respect. I realize that there won’t always be chemistry or things in common within a couple, maybe a great difference in values. That of course is a good reason to separate, but then again there was no good reason to get married in the first place.
Other than that, these women think they are better than a “good, sturdy man”, but in reality they are just selfish, self centered b*tches. They have no idea how to put the required work into a relationship and don’t care to. This behavior from a good majority of women has left the respectable ones who are left at a disadvantage. Now you guys don’t trust us, and in many cases don’t even want us.
I am sorry, all of you good guys, who have been swept aside like trash when you’ve done nothing wrong worth breaking up a marriage or relationship over. I am still waiting for one of you to find me so I can show you what true love really is, in this world where now it is a rare thing indeed.
Peter-san
Debbie, I don’t think it will much fun dating from the other side either. At 60, I have re entered single life through no choice of my own. My 44 year old wife informed me a few months ago that she was leaving. She said, amongst other things, that the age difference was beginning to bother her, that we were distancing at an exponential rate. I had never felt that, I stay fit, cycle, hike, and don’t weight much more than what I weighed at 21. I could keep up with her in most things. Met her when she was 21, I was 36. We had hours long discussions for years before getting married, about the age difference, and she always maintained it would never bother her and we would grow old together, no matter what.
Well, married 20 years, I guess it finally did. I used those 20 years to pay off our house, get a retirement nest egg built, and so on. Our son came along right after we got married. It has been a good life. Changed now, but all good, I am enjoying my single life. I cook, listen to music, still have my job, and health. Being that I was on my own for 20 years before meeting her, I learned and did all the things one needs to do when in a household. The Army taught me how to iron my shirts and take care of my gear, and I just ran with that.
Now, during my marriage, I was still attracted to women my own age, or close to it. I never acted on those attractions, but looked inside as to why they were still there during a seemingly happy marriage. Once I got to 50, I began to appreciate and enjoy the company of women closer to my own age. I guess it was the decade we grew up in, the shared memories of music, the events, and the eclectic times. My wife was 6 when John Lennon was shot. I could never discuss that event, or others, she just did not get it.
So, where are the 50 something women I seek. I have gone to the philharmonic, cooking stores to get that special implement, the library, long walks. I do see them from afar, but they are rarely alone. And if they are, certainly their guard is up. Who in the right mind is browsing cooking stores looking for a garlic car. (They do such a great job of grinding!) There is even a record store where I live, and I see them right in the same aisle my music is, but they are in groups of three, or there is a hairy legged person hanging around them like a bad smell, wearing gold chains and too much aftershave.
Now, I long for just one hour of sparkling conversation. I think of cooking on a Saturday afternoon in the winter, with a glass of wine, and sharing it with someone who gets me, and has a steadiness about her that only a woman who has put half her life behind her could possess.
.
Debbie
Peter……I totally understand what you are saying. You sound like a great guy and what you seek sounds wonderful. If you were close by, I sure wouldn’t mind having that “sparkling conversation” with you over a glass of wine.
It is unfortunate that age in the end does matter, although you’ve kept yourself up very well from what you’ve said. There definitely are many good points when getting to know people around your own age. For me I wouldn’t mind a few years younger or older, but not too much of an age difference. I have to say though that I once knew a man who was 70 that looked nothing like his age, was sweet, outgoing, and funny. I could see myself dating him but the circumstances weren’t right. Now and then someone like that may strike your fancy but generally not having a great difference in age is probably a good idea.
I am sorry your wife didn’t value