Hello Everyone,

My name is Stuart, I am 27 years old and up until 5 weeks ago I was happily married with a two year old child, 5 weeks later the love of my life is gone, as is my house and immediate access to my child.

My wife, Becky is the same age as me and we had gone through school together so have known each other a long time, we have been a couple for 7 years and married for three.  In addition to living together we also work together as well so have always been a constant presence in each others lives over the relationship.  Over the last two years we have both battled a number of personal tragedies (Our child was born ill, a number of relatives died all that sort of nasty stuff) which really put our relationship to the test but I always felt we made it through these tough times because we did it together.  Despite these issues as recently as October where we trying for a second child with discussion of buying our first property in the coming months.

Every now and again we would have the odd small disagreement over the way something was being done in our house but throughout our relationship things were generally quite harmonious and I honestly felt I had it perfect, the dream life a beautiful wife, gorgeous little boy a lovely property and a great job.

Just over 5 weeks ago, one morning I went to give Becky a kiss before work and she just turned away from me, that evening she came home and just said to me that things weren’t working anymore, she felt our spark had fizzled out, our bond was broken and that we could no longer continue in a relationship with me.  I left the family home and moved back to my parents in the hope some space may help the situation, 7 days later when I went to pickup our son my world fell apart even further.

I have always trusted Becky implicitly but around mid November she told me she had lost her sex drive, around a similar time she regularly stared talking about a mutual colleague whom we were both friends with, this was to the point I even joked about him being her bit on the side.  Anyway, the morning I went to pick up our son Becky had left her phone on the bed unlocked on the message screen where I was able to see a number of messages from this mutual colleague, in these messages they in extremely graphic sexual detail intimated the things they wanted to do to each other and were actively arranging to meet for sex, HE is also married with two children.  My wife denied an affair and stated that it was only texting and the “thing” between them started the day she left me and stemmed from him giving her attention over the last few weeks.  Even if no affair did take place the fact this started on day one of our breakup suggested to me that she had left me for him.  Since then it has all become public knowledge and the other man seems to have backed off (through fear of his wife finding out) but my wife has become as cold as ice towards me stating she wants a divorce at the earliest opportunity with their being no hope of reconciliation between us.

This has all hit me like a ton of bricks, I NEVER saw this coming, not even a sign that this could be on the horizon.  Since the breakup when I have attended our property to move my own items I have noticed she has bought a number of new items of clothing with a particular emphasis on underwear.  She has actively told me her intention to move on as fast as possible and that she has needs that she wants to be met.  It is literally as if the girl I knew and loved has died, we spent so much of our time/lives together I now have a gaping whole where my heart used to be.  Like others on here I struggle to eat/sleep and cannot get the imagery of her having sex with another man from my head.  I have been suicidal regularly since the incident and have been seeking support and medical intervention but I feel like I am stuck in a limbo that I can’t break from.  I still have to see Becky every day at work, speak to her every day for our childs sake and you know what….I want to speak to her, it is like a fix every time I speak to her.  Our relationship is over and she makes that clear on a daily basis but after 5 weeks I am feeling worse, not better and need someone to tell me there is life beyond this.  She was the love of my life and I don’t think I will found anyone like Becky again, I had everything I ever dreamed of and don’t know how to put my life back together.

Thank you for taking the time to read

Stuart

Please visit our forum if you wish to share your advice with Stuart.

2 Responses to “Will This Pain End?”

  1. Shelby

    I feel your pain. Your story is similar to mine, except for I’m the wife and my husband left me for another woman who he works with. We have a 2 year old and have been together for 8 years, married for 3. He’s 27 and I’m 25. It is unreal to watch your world unravel, especially at such a young age, but we can do this. We can make it through this. We have to be strong enough to show our children that no matter what, we’re solid for them. I don’t want a divorce, and I’m willing to forgive my husband and reconcile, and it seems you feel the same way about your wife. Just remember though, you want her to genuinely feel remorse for this. If she doesn’t, nothing will change. We can’t live our lives accepting bad behavior from our spouses… We shouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want us. Keep that in mind… Hope isn’t a bad thing, but we also have to face reality. It will take time, but there are plenty of people out there who would love and appreciate you like you deserve!

    Reply
  2. Karrie

    I am also in a similar situation. I have been married for 21 years and together for 24 years with my husband. I was 17 when I started dating him. It will be two months on Saturday that he left. He said he needed space and time. He moved in with a female friend of ours. Now, he wants me out of his life. He now says that he no longer feels the same. He said the following: he could no longer touch me, I am no longer attractive and that I need to move on. He has thrown so much in my face that was hateful and hurtful. I do not know what happened. I struggle with the thoughts of being a failure and it being all my fault. I have heard that he has been having an affair with this woman.
    I would also take him back if he came back. He said that he is done though. He isn’t even talking to our kids hardly at all. It has been weeks since he spoke to our daughter, 16, they used to be so close and now they are not. He barely says two words to our son and it is only via text. He does not even tell him he loves him or told him happy birthday on 11/2. Our son is 20. I know my kids are older but they are use to talking to their dad every day. His personality changed so much to the point my kids say that their dad is dead. This is not the man they knew as their dad. There is some huge mental issues along with other issues that he is going through. I do not know why he did this.
    The pain is devastating for the three of us. I just want the pain to go away and I wish that he would come back. I know that we do not deserve this but it is so difficult to be without him. The pain and fear sucks.
    I am so very sorry. but Shelby is right. Try to keep moving forward regardless of the outcome. Try to live for you and your kids.

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