I thought about getting a divorce for a long time. I worked on my marriage for years, both together in therapy and separately. As time went on, I had educated myself with the legalities, and financial obligations associated with a break-up.

It took a long time to admit it was over in my own head – was even harder to share this realization with my spouse.

This was one of the hardest conversations in my life! I really tried to be direct and compassionate. I told him that I believed our marriage was over and that we needed to get a divorce. That I still loved him but didn’t want to live with him any longer. We shared kids, memories and a future co-parenting.

His anger, blame and sadness came next. I listened calmly but I felt his pain and his disbelief. I know I initiated this life altering moment, but truth was this was not easy for me as well.

Making singular decisions that impact your life, your spouse, your children and your future are extremely difficult. I honestly tried to fix and work on all that wasn’t working in the hopes of saving the dream and living Happily Ever After.

Facing the truth that this wasn’t going to happen was devastating — sharing it with my husband was even more devastating.

Sometimes I regret taking this first hard step. Divorce is not easy, and it is filled with a roller coaster of emotions and a mountain of sadness. And then sometimes, I am clear that this is a new path for my self, my husband, and also my children. I know that with love, kindness and time, this path will be filled with exploration, growth and happiness for all.

Trish, 48

2 Responses to “Telling my husband I wanted a divorce was the hardest thing”

  1. Anonymous

    I contemplated divorce for over 10 years — always waiting for certain milestones to pass — my youngest to get into high school, then to finish high school. Finally after all three of my children were finished university after 35 years of marriage, I finally left. I would have been much better off had I left when I first wanted to — and so would my children. It’s very hard now but not leaving sooner is my only regret


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