I was really unhappy in my marriage. I didn’t want to be, but I was. We married in our 20’s and I really thought we would be married forever. I laugh when I think about it… How could I possibly understand in my 20’s what I would really need in a partner in my 30’s, 40’s and 50’s? I couldn’t – and I don’t think anyone does in those early years. For us, we were best friends. We enjoyed each other’s company, loved to be together, and had a ton of friends. Life was easy – but it is or should always be in the beginning.
Our 20’s were easy, and we had a great time being married. We had a dual income so we did whatever we wanted with little stress. In our 30’s we had kids… 3 to be exact and they came fast and furious. First our daughter, and then 18 months later, our twin boys. To say life was hectic and stressful would be an understatement. We were surviving. The kids outnumbered us and we were exhausted. I stayed home because it did not make financial sense for me to go back to work and so we were stressed both financially and emotionally. We didn’t have time for “us” and our relationship suffered.
As we hit our 40’s, things had settled down with the kids but we couldn’t seem to get ourselves back on track. Something had changed. For me, well I felt that my husband was not the guy I married. He didn’t seem to step up and assume his fair share of parenting duties and I felt that everything was on me. To be honest, it was like having a fourth child and I just didn’t want to have to take care of someone else.
After much contemplation and therapy, we both realized that our marriage was over. Without airing all the nasty details, suffice it to say that the marriage had run its course and I was going to have to start over.
We divorced a week before my 50th birthday. Our kids were all in University and so for the first time ever I was alone. I can’t explain what I felt that first night in my house – scared, happy, frightened, excited. It is interesting that my friends and family thought the solution was for me to start dating immediately. Dating was the last thing on my mind… I needed time to figure out who I was and where I was going.
It took me a long time to figure out who I was and what I wanted. To be honest, I am still trying to figure it out. What I have learnt is that it is never easy to start over. It takes time and work to come out on the other end and be happy after your divorce. I am ready to start dating now, and if I find someone that will be great. But for now, I am happy with myself!
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