When I split with my husband the least of my concerns was losing friends. We were focused on finances, co-parenting arrangements, lawyers and dividing our house.
My husband and I, in our heyday, had a lot of couple friends and a very busy social calendar. After the split, my social life came to a screeching halt. As it turned out, the invitations only came with a significant other.
Those Saturday nights, with our married “couple” friends became a casualty of our divorce. As a new single women, there were no more invites to dinners, movies or parties…I seemed to be off the radar without a partner. The irony was that this was happening during a time when I needed my friends and a busy social life the most.
So where were my friends? And why had they forgotten me?
What I realize now is that Divorce is awkward. It’s tough for the people around you – they aren’t sure how to navigate through your newly undefined situation — especially when there is a lot of hurt, anger and tension.
Some friendships fade away,
Others get redefined, and….
Others even get threatened.
Our divorce caused our friends to take a look at their own marriages. Those who couldn’t find a place for us separately where in essence dealing with their own issues and problems. Some just felt sorry for us, some felt envious of our new found freedom, and others just didn’t want to choose sides.
Now that I am in a relationship and have a new partner, the invitations are coming back in. The funny thing is that I am actually at a point where I don’t need to be part of a Saturday “couple” night. During those 4 years alone, I learned to find and use my passions and hobbies to create a whole new social sphere. Maybe the gift is that I wasn’t included in my friend’s Saturday nights — and I was forced to redefine and recreate a life for myself.
What I know for certain is that going forward I will never be that vulnerable and dependent on anyone ever again….. and that feels awesome!