My husband and I decided to Separate last month. Covid has not been kind to us. Our marriage was already on shaky ground but the last year has proven to be too much for both of us. We tried to figure it out but Divorce has been hanging over our heads for years. Neither of us wanted a Divorce or to even separate. Our kids are young – 4, 6 and 9 years old. Financially we can’t really afford to run two households yet the thought of staying together has made all the reasons why we can’t separate go out the window.
So even though I wanted this separation – and I REALLY wanted this separation, the thought of Valentine’s Day this weekend is weighing heavily on my mind. I know its stupid – it’s just a day made up by Marketers. But for me, it symbolizes my failed relationship and the sadness that in all our years of marriage, I actually never felt connected to my husband. When I reflect, I realize that I have never liked Valentine’s Day as it was always a reminder to me that my marriage was not okay. I buried those feelings and tried to create a spark, a connection, but deep down I knew it wasn’t right.
As I think about this Valentine’s Day I am so anxious. I know I need to make it special for my kids but how to do it without dissing their father? It’s the day to celebrate romance – but I don’t feel romantic. I guess I will focus on the love part of it – and how much we both love them and that will be that.
Your story sounds familiar. I completely understand what you are saying. My answer to Valentine’s is to buy myself a bottle of my favourite, if it’s a nice day I’m going to pack a picnic with my favourite treats and head down to the beach. Hopefully there will be a good (female) friend of mine there too. I will congratulate myself for coping with it all and remind myself that I did my very best but am now in control of my future. I will also tell myself that I definitely was not a failure, it was the right thing at the time.
In the evening I will watch my favourite film (Love Actually), have the rest (or a new bottle) of the fizz, a box of chocolates and after telling my children they are the most important people in the world to me, settle down to an evening of self-indulgence.
Use Valentine’s to tell yourself you are worth it and when the time is right, there will be someone who comes along and loves you for who you are and not who they want you to be.