My first Mother’s Day as a “divorced” mom is rapidly approaching. To say I am anxious about the day is an understatement. It is my ex’s weekend and so I kindly asked him if I could have the kids on Sunday. He said No! He said that he has a mother and they have a grandmother and they would be spending the day with his family. He will drop the kids at 6pm as per our usual schedule and I can have dinner with them.
I feel he is being completely unreasonable and insensitive. He told me that if it’s my weekend on Father’s Day he wouldn’t expect me to give up the kids for that day. I actually don’t believe him.. I think he is doing out of spite and is trying to punish me.
He didn’t want our Divorce. He was angry and resentful. I tried for years and years to fix our problems to no avail. I turned 40 and decided I wasn’t prepared to go through life being unhappy. I knew I would rather be alone than be married to someone who didn’t make me happy and had no intention of ever trying. As much as I felt bad for my kids, I also felt that it was worse for them to think that is what marriage looked like.
So I am alone for the day. I guess this is just the unspoken heartache of Divorce. The part that no one can prepare you for. Those times that make you question your choice and push you to acknowledge your pain and deal with your fear.
I will not fight with my ex because that is ultimately what he wants. I will not make my kids feel bad because they have no choice. Instead, I will take the day for me and relish in the fact that I am a GREAT mom and enjoy the quiet and solitude.