I will never forget the night my husband came home and told me something wasn’t “right” in our marriage. Shocked and confused, I still believed everything would work out. I convinced myself that after 15 years of marriage, and 3 amazing kids we would get through this hurdle together and that Divorce would not be an option.

And after a year of therapy, and discovering an affair and a lot of lies, I finally realized that my marriage was over and that divorce was inevitable. Shocked and scared, I was lost in the whirlwind of fear.

It has been 10 years since that ‘unplanned” milestone in my life, and I have learned so much about myself in the process. I will not lie – the first few years after our divorce were extremely tough, with a lot of disappointment, pain, and distrust.

The turning point towards healing was when I finally accepted that I would never make sense of “’why” my marriage ended. Could I have been a better wife? Had more sex? Seen the signs? These haunting questions did not matter any more once I made the decision to move on with my own happiness. Surviving a divorce has made me be stronger.

I have learned (with the help of a great life coach) to have less fear and take more risks. I cherish my friends and family who were there to comfort me while I was down but also there to push me forward, encourage me to reinvent and not let me stay stuck in my story.

Today my relationship with my children is stronger than ever. I discovered a passion for painting and have created a career around it, and am in a loving relationship with a new partner.

This path took a lot of years of hard work and dedication—but it was worth it.   I now know that I am in control of my own destiny and happiness and approach it with confidence and trust.

 

Pamela Young

Artist

2 Responses to “I will never forget the night he told me something wasn’t “right” in our marriage”

  1. Nicole

    Thank you for sharing ! If I could only get there or atleast somewhere to where my heart does not ache for my husband to want to come back to me . My Story is the same other than .. My husband would not do therapy ‘just threw in the towel for the other woman, leaving me with out three kids and a big dog and house to care for .
    I can not see a life without him in it .. And can not bare what a mess my kids lives are like ..I am struggling to move on and see any hope of love in my life .
    I am so stuck in my story and daily want to just run away like he did , but I love my three kids and want to try to keep their life as normal as possible. I am very lonely and find my children are Angry . They do not see much of their dad , he would rather be with his girlfriend and his family . They same time heals … I can not imagine how my story will ever change as I share children with him . I am stuck .

    Reply
  2. Diane

    Nicole — I share the same story as you — Somehow I feel it is a very common theme — There is usually a significant other waiting in the wings when a spouse abruptly walks away from a marriage.

    Don’t beat yourself up with how you are feeling — you have to go through all the emotional stages. All I can tell you is that the pain and anger does lessen over time. Your kids are your blessing to push you to get up everyday and function and put a smile on your face so that they can carry on. They are watching you so closely and want to know that you will be okay.

    Eventually you will be more than okay — you will be great and ready to begin a new chapter in your life. You just can’t see or imagine that right now.

    Reply

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