Do you ever feel that we are in the age of indispensability? We want quick, easy and perfect, and if we are not able to achieve those areas as fast as possible we are apt to dispose of the situation or item. Sadly, marriage has fallen into this category. Couples will proclaim their understanding of the level of work needed to sustain this life long commitment. But statistics readily show that that this is not the case. Once the perfection of dating wains, and you are fully steeped in the realness of your situation, life takes an edgy turn. Bit by bit your love sours. Sadly, you reach a point where the only forward move is no longer together but rather apart. Before it becomes ugly, take a moment to breathe and center your thoughts. While each situation is different, the following two suggestions have the power to help mitigate a possible volatile divorce.

Leave The Emotion at The Door

Divorce is a multi billion-dollar business. It seems everyone except the broken couple, will benefit from this tragedy. Why is that? Couples going through a marriage breakdown enter into the fight with baggage. Baggage filled with words never spoken, anger, pain, love, regret, misery and a myriad of other emotions. If you have ever wondered what can morph two seemingly balanced individuals into hellions, now you know. The other parties enter into the divorce with the full understanding that this is not personal. It is all business. Their motives are usually free of emotion. While this suggestion sounds utterly impossible when you feel like you are sinking in an abyss, know that harnessing your emotion provides unprecedented power. Try to keep the emotion to a minimum. Stay focused on the facts. Be real, be honest, be specific, and be fair. The law dictates how assets are to be spit. If you choose to venture down a different path, do so while still focusing on the end game. A resolution that allows peace of mind for both parties.


If you can accept and understand your personal trigger points, you will have a better handle on now to communicate with your future ex. If civility is still on the playing field, then use your words wisely. How you conduct yourself will leave an impression on many, but mostly on you. If words are too difficult, use email or a third party to proceed. Avoid heavy conversations using text messaging. Quite a bit can get lost in translation with texts. On the off chance there is a total breakdown of communication take control of the situation and hire a lawyer of mediator. Sometimes the only way to move forward is to ask for help.

While this is not how you hoped your happily ever after would turn out, please remain focused on the following points. You are not this divorce. You are a person going through a taxing situation. This will not define you.

By Rebecca Cooper Traynor
Match Me Founder, Professional Matchmaker & Date Coach

Rebecca is one of Toronto’s top matchmakers who services clients across North America. To learn more about Rebecca click

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