Divorce does not define you.

I was divorced in my late twenties, with two kids and a job. The struggle was real, my inner critic was taking over, and I wondered how I was going to supplement my income, re-enter the dating world, and yet be a good role model for my children. I had no idea where to start, and I hoped that the process would not cause too much upheaval.

So where did I start? I started to design a toolkit that would help me cope with the weight of it all. Key tools for me were surrounding myself with supportive people, and those who were going through similar struggles to myself, as well as professionals and friends. Moving my body and practicing mindfulness also proved quite helpful. 

There were days when I was completely exhausted, overwhelmed and overall burnt out, completely stuck, but even in these vulnerable moments I pushed myself to show up in any capacity so I could claim accountability. I found my strengths, which kept my values aligned. I started to embrace the shift in my belief system, which helped rebuild my confidence. 

Divorce is not a sentence. It’s a book of many chapters. Trusting the process is critical to change and growth. In other words, if you push yourself towards developing your own self—and not getting caught up in the negative narrative—you can learn to move past your biggest obstacles and end up writing a new, different and even more beautiful story. 

The challenge for me was to keep it all together and change my mindset to one that was more open-minded, self-aware, and forgiving of myself and others. This process took time and perseverance; with baby steps, I gathered my confidence and eventually momentum to start designing my new path in life. This is when I got curious about the possibilities of what a new start would look like. 

This led to one of the most exciting and empowering times in my life. This came from the work that I did internally, by practicing self-love and acceptance daily. As my confidence grew, I began to notice the shift in my energy and mindset. If you believe in yourself, other people will too. 

Divorce does not have to define you. You are the author of your own life; it all starts with you. Mindset and anchoring your values to align with your goals are crucial to success. The change doesn’t happen overnight, but by trusting the process and finding out who you are, the shift can lead you to success. This I have learned from my own personal experience which shaped me to become my own woman, with real dreams and goals that I could only achieve through my own self realization and perseverance.

As a professional life coach, my presence helps facilitate change and creatively direct clients forward toward specific goals. Designing your life is about identifying your strengths and core values through self-realization to design a path that is uniquely your own. Together we’ll connect to unpack your barriers to growth, so that you can achieve clarity when developing your visions for your life, with an action plan leading you towards actualization.

How are you showing up for yourself today? Paula Seligman

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