You have lived through the eight levels of emotion, denial, stress, anger, pain, sorrow, regret and acceptance from ending your old life. While you may not feel wiser or stronger, somewhere deep inside you know that you are. That grain of knowledge slowly evolves into something more, and you begin to believe that you are whole once again. This realization comes with the added pleasure of feeling better about being single. Your single life encourages a whole new world of freedom, adventure and fun. Now finally, yes, finally you are ready to take that next step. Dating.
Just the mention of the word, causes a slight shiver. Is it from excitement or fear? Perhaps, it is both. As soon as you allow yourself to imagine the idea of it, fear does its best job to persuade you to give your head a shake. Dating is not for you. Why would you want to put yourself out there once again? As your thoughts start to spiral down a very dark path in this battle of wills, excitement flexes its muscles and cements a major truth. You. Are. Ready. Instead of fighting the fear or jumping blind into excitement, embrace all of the emotions that are induced from wanting to date again.
The world is constantly changing and technology is now a main player in how we connect, the old adage of K.I.S.S (keep it simple stupid), will become your greatest ally.
Here are four simple tips to help you get back into the fray.
1. Keep an Open Mind.
Your first date should only consist of the two of you, leave your pre-conceived notions at home. You are entering a new frontier. For your date to flow, be open to learning and listening without the handcuffs of judgement.
2. Be Yourself.
This is but, one of your many moments to shine. You are in a great place mentally. You are living your best self. You are you. So do not attempt to be someone you are not. Just as you hope to get to know the person sitting in front of you, give them the same respect and opportunity to discover the real you.
3. Three is definitely a crowd!
Ok. This is a biggie. Do you remember tip #1, leave your judgement at home. Well it is imperative to leave your ex, in a location, which is far, far away, from the place you are in right at this time. While you both may briefly touch upon the circumstances that led you to this point in your life. Force yourself, if you must, not to keep speaking about or referring back to situations involving your ex.
4. This is not a means to an end.
This is just a date, no more, no less.
Coffee + walk + glass of wine…does not equal marriage. All of these good time moments, sum up to one thing, a successful date. There is no need for added pressure. The person in front of you might be saying all of the things you have waited years to hear. It is your job, to listen, laugh, have fun, and relax. It is not your job, to start making long term plans based on one conversation.
Dating is a fun journey. Make a conscious effort to live in the moment, while enjoying who you are on this wacky, fun and unique ride, called, dating.
Only you will know when the time is right for you to make that move. What are your thoughts on dating after a divorce?
Rebecca Cooper Traynor
Founder – Matchmaker, Date Coach, Love Guru and Blogger
Match Me Canada www.matchmecanada.ca