Home Forum General Cheating Spouses My husband told me he loves me but is not "in love" with me….

#8929 Reply
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Kris

My husband told me a week ago that he thinks he needs to move out. He says he loves me but we are just too different and doesnt see how we can keep going. This is not the first time he has done this. He says he doesnt feel “in love” and it shouldnt be this much work. He hasnt left yet though. He still talks and acts as if we are a married couple. And then will suddenly throw in “but I may still go”. I feel as if he is just searching for attention from me, but dont want to be playing games. Trying to focus on what will happen if he leaves, how I will cope, our kids, ect. But he sucks me in every time. Not sure what I should do. Stand by him while he breaks my heart and show him I still love him, or tell him to leave if he can’t commit 100%?

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  mara.
#8949 Reply
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Lucy

He left me 7 months ago after 22 years.     I knew something was off months before he left but when I repeatedly asked,  he blamed it on work stress.   Then one day I got the call that permanently altered my life forever.  It was From another woman’s husband saying they’d been carrying on an affair for a year and he thought I should know.    I was in shock.  For days and then months, I just couldn’t believe the man I loved and trusted most had been leading a double life.  I thought we could work to maybe get through this after he said he ended it.       Well, no surprise to anyone but me I guess, 7 months ago,  I discovered it was still going on and he left.    lol these mo the later…..Every now and then just when I think I’m feeling a little stronger, something happens and I’m right back to ground zero.   I just want you to know that a man has it in his character to cheat or he doesn’t.   You can’t change that.  Find someone better.

#9024 Reply
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Pauline

I feel your pain. I was married for 29 years and my husband held my hand every night while we walked the dog , he always asked me to sit on his knee after supper, kissed me goodnight and kissed me good morning. On a Tuesday morning in April he said he wanted a divorce because he was seeing my friend that showed him “more” love and that she made him feel good ! Crushed is an understatement. I couldn’t breathe for a long tine …. did I mention that this happened while our 18 year old son was diagnosed with a brain tumour … he went through 3 surgeries and 33 radiation treatments. Thankfully Daniel is in remission. Here’s the fairy tale ending … I ran into an old friend that saw the broken me and he picked me up and saved my life!  Three years later my  heart is healed.  I have never felt so loved . I wish this could happen to all women that have been blindsided like me .

#9025 Reply
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Jane

I was married to my high school sweetheart for 18 years but before that we were dating for six years. I am 41 now so I knew him more than half of my life. I had even uttered that I am so happy that I feel contented with my life until a snap of a finger and things changed. Almost the last 6 years of my marriage suddenly became chaotic. He changed, he had other woman’s attention because of a high school reunion. The responsible and loving husband I knew spend his time on computer chatting to women. He became defensive when I tell him he has no time for me and his child. He said chatting with friends on internet is his way of relaxing. I told him it’s ok but not until 5:30 am? Then he started traveling abroad without asking me if it’s ok. He just tells me that he is travelling. He had done a lot of things within the last almost 6years of our marriage. I tried fixing my marriage all those years. I became blind, deaf, mute and numb. I gave him so many chances but every time I get hurt and he kept on breaking my heart. Ending a marriage is not easy but I had to choose – stay married and be stressed that I felt I am going to have stroke/heart attack due to stress any time or leave the marriage and be free of the burden and be me again for my daughter? I choose leaving. I was so scared to start on my own towed my daughter along. But you know what? I felt so free on the first night living on my own with my daughter. I felt refreshed waking up the next morning and for the first time in years that I slept for soundly for 7 hours. I still do and it’s been two years now. I was so hurt from the marriage that I told myself I can be on my own. Until an unexpected happen. I unexpectedly stumbled upon a guy who I never thought would make me feel so loved and cared for. We first became good friends until it blossomed into something else. I am so happy we found each other.</p>
So for you Kris, think what is best for you. Think what is healthy for you. Think what is healthy for your kids. Dig deep inside your gut feeling what it is telling you. If it is confronting your problem again then so be it. Talk to your husband and make a decision. If it is leaving him, hold your head high because you know your worth. You are brave.

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by  mara.
#9981 Reply
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Danielle

Hi

my husband and I have been married for 4 years together for 7 and 2 beautiful kids we are both 31

the other nite he came out with that he loves me but not in love with me and he hasn’t been happy for last 2 years of our marriage

he has never shown any signs of being unhappy

we both work Fulltime and then I come hom cook clean looked after kids then bed he gets home and does nothing

I ask him to help me he just has a cry then says I’m always at him

then that’s when he comes out with he not in love with me

 

I feel so rejected and used my heart been broken to hear that from a guy I love so much

#10057 Reply
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Kay

I was told a few months ago.  He doesn’t or in love with me.  Well, I soon found out it’s someone else.  I’m working through the divorce now.  Honestly, I’m to be free myself.  I probably would have never life.  I’m sad and hurt by the way he has lied.  He didn’t want me to travel with him anymore on business trips.  This when I knew and begin to snoop and found my answer. Didn’t have to go far, he stop calling me when he was on business in Asia. But I’m ready to move on.

#10059 Reply
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Emily

Hi everyone, a year and a half ago my husband changed, we have been together 30 years, four children, he started reading a lot about conspiracy, natural cures ect ect, he told me he wanted to become more spiritual, this is not the man I married. Its been a struggle and I have had to fight to save my marriage, he barely speaks to me, just recently he told me he loves me sometimes  but its not unconditional and has issues with our marriage. He ignores me because he is too busy reading his crazy stuff on line and doesn’t understand why I question him. He acts like his single most of the time, I have asked him if he is seeing someone else, but says no. Its lonely at times living with him.

#10085 Reply
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Kiro

Hi everyone. I just want to tell you that I am a man and it is my wife who cheated and did this to me after 17 years of marriage. It is as tough for me as it is for all of the women on this post. I have been reading many other forums about husbands whose wives have cheated on them. I hadn’t read many posts like this one here where it is the husband who cheated. I can assure you that this is not a man thing. I would have never cheated on my wife. This is about character and not about gender. Actually, after reading all the other posts about cheating wives, I would have concluded that this is a woman thing, but after reading this post I realize it could happen to men and women.

#10097 Reply
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Loki88

Hello to all the people who are going through rough times within your marriage. I recently had a bomb dropped on me as well.  My husband and I have lived separately but not due to hatred or fighting, it’s because I had to return to my country for medical reasons. He kept telling me, my friends, and family members he would return to me in my country. He has lived in my country for nearly 6 years. He came with his own money from his country, but he had never worked in my country for 6 years. To make a long story short, he’s disgusting, manipulative, and a cunning liar. He has lived with his parents most of his life right up until his mid-forties.  When he demanded a divorce, it was done through Skype. There was only vocal conversation and no video.  He was cold, cruel, and showed no concern for my health. He is very selfish and childish. He has said to me three times that he didn’t even want to marry me in the first place! His words were brutal and cut right through me. He wasted my time and money. Shortly after he demanded the divorce, he flew to the Philippines for two weeks. He even sent me two pictures..one of himself with no wedding ring eating ice cream and of course, his girlfriend was not in the picture as there was a second ice-cream. The second picture was two young Filipina girls sitting next to each other and and older Filipina with a young male child.  There were some people missing in the picture as it was cropped. He even had the nerve to message my aunt on Facebook letting her know he didn’t like what I said when he returned from the Philippines.  He told my aunt he sent me the pictures claiming we were “friends”. Is this guy a mental case or what??  He demands a divorce, goes to a foreign country where MOST men go to look for women and he expects me to be nice to him?? Oh god…if I didn’t have to deal with hospitals, I would have flown to his country and set things straight…actually I would throw the divorce papers in his face!  He had the nerve to pay their dinner as well  when he didn’t even come out for dinner on MY birthday. Disgusting individual!  He claims he paid their meal because he was staying with them and it was the family of a “FRIEND” in Ireland.  That is such a bunch of crap. I am sure it was his “girlfriend’s family” and he has no clue how stupid he is. He still has not served me with divorce documents, but I wish to have some sort of settlement from him after everything I have been through and basically he gave me a phony marriage.  Would anyone be able to help me with some advice?  I won’t let this go until he sends me a small settlement and I will sign all the documents he wants as long as his name is no longer legally next to mine. I want to move on from this scum of the earth!

Deceived and Disgusted.

#10163 Reply
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Mia17

So, as most of these stories go, I too was told that my husband loves me, but is not in love with me.  We have been married 20yrs and have 2 children.  Our marriage was what I would consider typical and I also felt like it was strong.  We had our ups and downs, but I never in a million years thought of divorcing…My husband had a near death experience in March 2018, and says that when he came to, that he felt different, that he realized that he had not been happy for about 10yrs–just going through the motions….never said a word!!    After this experience he became distant, rude, and selfish—I told him that the man I married 20yrs ago died that day, and some new guy showed up that I dont care for….My husband would never have hurt his family like this, he would never think of himself over his children, he would never say such hurtful things to me.

Of course I am hurt, devastated, angry and not trusting of him after finding out that he was speaking to a younger woman from work–he swears nothing ever happened just a couple conversations…I really dont know what to believe.   Our daughter who is our oldest child will not speak to him at all, she is very angry…Our son is playing Switzerland and really doesnt know the whole story or I think things would be different for him as well.

I in turn went into full throttle mode–called the realtor, placed the house for sale, contacted an attorney and made him move to his mothers, put a bid in on another home for my kids and I…..last night he wanted to know why I was pushing for this so fast….said that even if we get a divorce it doesn’t have to be over???  One day he wants to work on it, the next day he doesnt…..I am so torn and confused!!!

Any advise….

 

 

#10518 Reply
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Sasha

I e been married I’m

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