Is there life after divorce?
December 4, 2015 at 4:31 pm
Hi — Im new to this forum — nice to connect and hear advice from others who understand this emotional rollercoaster..
I split with my ex after 15 years of marriage — after 2 years of legal fighting, my divorce just came final — Happy to put that to rest — however I can’t stop worrying and wondering if there is going to be life for me after my divorce?? I am emotionally drained, worried about money, my kids, and not sure if Im ready to date yet. Just want to break free of the past and create a new.
Would love some advice on some small steps to take ?
Heather there is definitely life after divorce. I know many people who are so much happier but it takes time. I would recommend getting involved in something new… a sport, a hobby somewhere you can be social and meet new people. You need to start living and stop worrying.
I know you posted a while back, but I can’t help but share since I totally felt the way you’re feeling. I was with my ex for 10 years, from the time we 20, and then divorced. I thought my life was planned out and straightforward. After we split I had no idea who I was and struggled to find myself. Not to mention I got fired from my corporate job during this time so I was also jobless. I don’t have kids, but I can only imagine how you feel.
My turning point came from doing a lot of soul searching. Instead of looking outward and worrying about filling my life with someone new or what others expected of me, I really started to figure out what I wanted out of life and what my purpose is. I worked on becoming aware of how I self-sabotage and how to love myself for who I am not my circumstances. It’s so easy to get caught up in your own circumstances and begin to define yourself by them. I got divorced, I am not the divorce.
And then found the determination to commit to a healthy lifestyle, taking care of my body and focused on looking and feeling great again. Fitness helped me feel good on the outside again and gave me a reason to get out of bed and feel productive.
After I took care of myself everything else seemed to fall into place; a new career, money and a new boyfriend that treated me right etc…
My advice for what it’s worth is; focus on knowing and loving yourself for all your gifts and get your mojo back by doing something to look and feel great again.
Hope that helps.
Wishing you lots of success.
Absolutely! It does take time and a willingness to figure out what YOU want out of life but it is possible.
Set goals, explore new things (as someone mentioned above), get rid of the ‘old scripts’ of what life was suppose to be and re-write new ones! This might mean rediscovering who you are and what would make you happy moving forward. Find a good therapist if you don’t have close friends who can help you here (I can recommend a few if you’d like…) and check out the latest blog on “The Ending is the New Beginning” – consider a ‘Dating from the Inside Out’ workshop as a starting place.
There are endless possibilities for you now – you just have to be open to it…
Remember, your relationship with yourself is the most important one. Take care of yourself first, practice healthy habits and engage in hobbies or interests that make you feel good. Don’t overthink what happened in the past: look forward with positive thoughts. If you tell yourself something like “good things happen too”, then you’ll be emotionally elevated, rather than drained.