Feeling a little lost
September 24, 2019 at 10:28 pm
Its weird mourning someone that isnt dead. Its weird after 10 years with someone it can all end. Thats where im at and by my own choice. Ive been with the same guy 10 years! A whole flipping decade and then back to nothing. He was abusive in every way. He was your perfect narcissist. Ive had my whole fave bruised, eye busted open, wrist frsctured, choked out, miscarried, face split. I always went back. He always blamed drugs. Yes, he was an addict. His addiction became mine and i didnt even do drugs. He used it as a crutch. Finally, i gave up. I saw myself becoming him and i couldnt libe with myself that way. Not drugs, just the hate he created and i held on to it everyday. Its been 9 months since i completely left although we both know it was over way before that. I have one more paper to file to really set the end on motion. And now, im frantic because what if i never find someone to love like that again. I feel guilty because i dont believe in divorce, yet here i am solidifying it. Im not even scared about that really. Pretty much my entire adult life was dreamed and built upon our dreams and we dont exist anymore. Every dream i had will not happen. I went to school to open a business together. Now, im on my own. I feel so lost and so unsure of everything. Any advice. Does anyone else feel the same or felt at sone pint in their process?
I mean this with great empathy, it is not your stance on divorce but your issues with co-dependency. You are co-dependent on this person and this needs to be treated like your addiction. 10 years was too long for your experiences. It’s not about feeling lost – its about finding your value, worth, purpose, identity without needing it fulfilled by another person. My advice is to seek counselling as there are special groups for co-dependents. There should be no option to return to this person. You can still live your life with out them. Unless you are waiting for them to rescue you or give you what you yourself are afraid to deliver for yourself. It doesn’t need to be this way. There is self esteem and confidence that can be built up in your life and that is the journey for you today. I really wish you great success in this.
Good to hear this..