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James…….I totally understand.  My husband asked for a divorce after 19 yrs together, 16 years of which we were married. I didn’t want this, and couldn’t believe he did. It was devastating to me. I barely ate and I sank into a deep depression for quite some time. Seven years later I still feel the sting now and then. When you really love someone it is very hard to deal with their total rejection of all you once meant to each other.

There is immense grief because you are experiencing the death of a marriage……..the loss of your friend, lover, partner, not to mention the plans and dreams you had for your future together. Recognize your pain as real and valid. Take a few minutes every day to cry if you need to, more than once if you need to. Feel it and release what you can. The only way out is to go through it.

Be kind to yourself. You are going through a life changing event and you will need time to process what is happening and to figure out a new lifestyle for yourself. Take it one day at a time and keep putting one foot in front of the other. It can be a very draining time so rest when you need to and try eating lighter foods until you can manage something more. I found I could only stomach soup in the beginning. Drink a good amount of water to stay hydrated. Take nature walks to help clear your mind and ease your nerves.

Prayer, meditatation, counseling, support groups or blogs, and even talking with a good friend can help. Be careful not to become reclusive and close yourself off from other people. Force yourself if necessary to get yourself presentable and head out to places you have enjoyed in the past. Use them as sources of comfort…….a favorite cafe, bookstore, park, museum, etc.  I found listening to some music to be helpful. Now is a time to focus on you and your interests so that you have some things to keep your mind occupied that have meaning for you.

You are certainly not alone and everyone deals with divorce and all that comes with it in different ways. You will make it. Have faith in yourself and keep going along the best you can. It will get better. I promise.