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I was in similar situation but also verbally abusive and temper where he would break stuff (w two toddlers around). I would straight out say I want a divorce this isn’t working it’s not good we both aren’t happy.  That didn’t sink in but prepped him.  The way I finally got it I wouldn’t suggest but was meeting up w someone else and when I got caught I lie I admitted it because I didn’t care and wanted out.  Well that helped push things along.  But made it ugly for a while.  Don’t stay cause he’s a good father. He’ll still be a good father no matter what.  If he’s not a good husband/companion/ supporter/ lover then look out for yourself and be happy