As I write this, I know that I am going to get a lot of people judging me.  But here is my story….

I got married in my early 20’s to a man who was 8 years older than me.  He was nice looking, came from a good family and adored me.  Was he the love of my life? No, he definitely wasn’t.  I was however a little crazy in my 20’s and so my parents really loved him.  Looking back, I realized that they probably pushed me into marrying him without even realizing it.

We got married and had wonderful twin boys.  I was super mom.  I did everything with them and was so grateful that I could stay at home and be with them.  I even had help which allowed me to also have a balance in my life.  My husband was a great father and so for anyone looking in we had the perfect family.  But the truth was I loved my husband as a friend – I felt nothing for him romantically.  I dreaded being intimate with him and did everything I could to avoid it.  It was pretty easy to do as we were both exhausted all the time.  Between hockey, soccer, football and school – we were busy!

As the boys grew, I knew that eventually I would have to deal with the reality that I was not in Love.  I just didn’t want to break up my family.  I didn’t want to hurt by husband who was so good to me, I didn’t want my boys to have to deal with divorce.

I am not proud to say that I had a brief affair, but I did.  The details aren’t really important and it was purely physical, but it was enough to wake me up and realize that I had to get out of my marriage.  I was way to young to live the life I was living.

Without going into the drama of our Divorce (and there was plenty of it), I got an extremely generous settlement that included a new home, child support and spousal support.

For the first few years after my Divorce I had the best time.  I dated, I shopped, I was free! I had never felt so alive in my whole life.  But I wasn’t so smart. I went through my money quickly and found myself in a tough spot.  I knew that in order to continue my lifestyle then I would have to meet someone who could take care of me.  I know it sounds awful and I dread writing it – but it is the truth.  I actually met someone really lovely who adores me. He is financially stable and we have a great time together.  Is he the love of my life? I don’t think so but I am now wondering if there is really such a thing? Maybe my expectations of my husband were unrealistic? Maybe relationships are about friendship, security and good times.

I am going to move in with him and see.  I keep hearing that nagging voice in my head saying “here you go again”… but I am going to ignore it and hope this time is different.

 

Stephanie, 48

2 Responses to “Am I making the same mistake again after my divorce?”

  1. Nancy

    No judgment here. Thank you so much for sharing and for your honesty. As women, we often put too much pressure on ourselves looking for white picket fences. Wishing you only happiness in life!

    Reply
  2. Claassen Attorneys

    Most of the people nowadays are opting for getting a divorce and preferring to move on according to their lifestyle. However, after reading your article, it is tough to say whether you are doing the right thing or not, because you never know how situation can change from best to worst and vice versa. Hence, I advise you to be financially independent so that you can maintain your lifestyle lavishly. Also don’t become dependent too much on your partner, as expectations always hurt. It is also suggested to get an expert advice before you finally settle with him.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *