I cheated on my wife. I had both a physical and emotional affair for two blissful years.
I know it sounds awful and it is… However let me explain how I was able to rationalize it to myself and look in the mirror with absolute no guilt.
My wife and I were married for 15 years. We lived the typical life. Got married at the same time as our friends, had kids and I worked hard to provide for my family. And when I say I worked hard, I worked hard!! I worked long hours to provide my family with everything I could.
We got caught in this insane rut. My wife wanted all the finer things my long hours provided, yet she also wanted me around to help with the kids. She was constantly complaining. Nothing I did made her happy. I felt disconnected and angry. How dare she rip me apart for working hard? She wanted it all but had no sense of what it took to get it all.
I remember feeling that the stress of work together with the stress of her was going to kill me. I was miserable. I spent hours contemplating how to get out. But I was scared. She was so vicious — I was scared I’d lose my kids. She was so greedy I wasn’t sure I could afford to get a divorce. So I just lived my miserable life and tried to get through day by day.
And then I met someone. It’s so stereotypical that it kills me to write it but she was younger and she was beautiful and she made me feel alive. She didn’t yell at me, she didn’t complain to me, she just enjoyed being with me.
I fell hard. I felt so happy and acknowledged that I didn’t even think about what I was doing to my wife. I felt so victimized by her that I somehow felt justified in what I was doing.
This woman was the complete opposite of my wife. I was happy for the first time in a long time and it was like a drug that I couldn’t stop taking.
Should I have left? Yes of course I should have.
What inevitably happened is my wife found out. She was devastated and angry and said it was my fault. She told me she was going to make me pay and went after me with the same visciousness she did in our marriage.
But I didn’t care. It was a relief to not live this double life any longer and to be rid of her.
Our friends and family look at me as though I am a horrible person. But I don’t care.
I know that she was awful and didn’t appreciate me. I know that she drove me into the arms of another woman and I know that we all will be better in the long run.
So the next time you are shocked when you hear that someone you know is having an affair –hold your judgement…..there are 2 sides to every story!