I was blindsided in my marriage. So many of us are. I had no idea there was someone else .
People ask how did you not suspect anything. I guess I was really unaware and trusted that he loved me. But truthfully when I really look back and take a hard look there were definitely clues that I was not willing (or maybe I should say not able) to look at throughout the year.
For me, those 5 clues were:
1. Length of Fights — We always had disagreements but in the last year the intensity of our fights increased. We never used to be able to go to bed angry and now it seemed my husband could stay angry and distant for weeks.
2. Our Communication Dwindled — My husband and I used to talk about anything and everything. I was his best friend, his confidante and his partner. He would ask my advice on everything. In the last year we barely spoke during the day. and he would get angry or irritable everytime I tried to discuss anything of importance
3. Sex. — We were still having It but definitely not as often and I was initiating more than he was.
4. Trips and Gifts — My husband used to plan amazing and fun trips for our anniversary and birthdays. His gifts were always over the top. This year there were no gifts and we did a staycation I thought it was because money was tight It never occurred to me he was spending our money wining and dining and gifting another women
5. Lack of overall Interest — In me, the kids. their school, their extracurricular activities and their emotional needs. I thought work was occupying his time away from us …..yup he was being occupied but not by work.
It is really important to note that if your spouse changes the dynamics of your relationship with no apparent reason — Dont look away!!
Open your eyes – look at the clues and don’t get blindsided. There is most likely someone else they are putting their time, energy, interest (and money) into.