I will never forget the conversation that took place on our couch.

It was like a bachelor episode.  It  started with “You are a great person.”  “You mean the world to me and “I will Always love you” BUT the marriage is over. 

The beginning of the end.

Our situation was a mutual decision but someone had to initiate  “the talk “and the hard core truth that the marriage had come to an end.  All the outside efforts to get help was not going to glue this thing together not even “gorilla glue “

So now what ?? What do we tell the kids what do I tell my friends and what do I tell my parents?? What do I do ?

Packing up the marriage and keeping it going in the house  we bought for our “forever life “was going to be a challenge.  He moved out.  The journey began ……

 I can truly remember the first night alone in the house with the kids.  There was a sense of freedom and a sense of real terror.  I would pretend he was on a ski vacation and that the kids and I were just carrying out our daily routine. “Business as usual “

Three weeks later the ski vacation was over and so was the illusion that the longing for each other  was not a reality anymore.
Telling the kids was a very scary moment in time.  They were so young but they needed to know the truth that Daddy  and Mommy were not going to be living together in the same house ever again.  We were advised to be as honest as we could be without giving them hope that this was a
phase.  We also told them they would be very loved and even though Daddy and Mommy were going to have two separate homes they would be the luckiest kids ever.  “You will
have two rooms and two beds each.”  This created a positive spin at a negative time in all of our lives.  They bought it !!! and we lived up to the reality of our goals.  We were definitely on the same page in painting how things were going to be from this point on.    My three year old would cry to my friend  “My Mommy and Daddy are not going to be together anymore.” Those words were not easy to hear. They were actually heart breaking.

Life with my kids and co-parenting with my ex husband was a lot easier knowing that we were both on similar pages on what our reality was.  I can’t say it was extremely smooth at all. I experienced major bumps along the way . There were nights where I felt I could not be a single
mom and that I could not cope with even the thought of being alone and or a vision of a new life with anyone else.  All of things ailed me and kept me from getting back into life. I relied on my friends and family to help me through  this very dark and transitional period.  This took
time. This took steps. This took chances And failures and eventually successes.  There are many emotions and stages I went through.  I do believe that the focus of keeping the kids as the #1 priority and having an ex husband that has been an extremely involved father who was and is
dedicated in every way, made this transition a much easier one. 
I would learn to cope with my anxieties and the loss of my marriage as time would allow me that grieving time to process my new emerging life.

Time flew by.  Living with my kids alone was a wonderful time in my life.  I loved my time alone with them and loved my time when they were with their dad.  I switched my whole attitude and found the silver lining in all of this. A new purpose.  To this day my boys have never
felt the effects of divorce.  Seamless  it wasn’t but successful it was.  They don’t remember us together but they don’t remember anything negative that transpired.  The honesty and the consistency in how we raised them apart was the main reason they are children of a successful
divorce.

Paula Seligman
Peony Design

 

2 Responses to “The beginning of the End (the last supper)”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Divorce Angels coming soon to Montreal, Winnipeg and Vancouver